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Ahh, Valentine’s Day, the official jour d’amour. Whether you’re enjoying a casual fling or marking down yet another V-day with bae in the books, the gift of re-sparking your sexual flame with something a little more experimental than your go-to moves is always one that your partner will remember. Think about it: not only is a night’s worth of Valentine’s Day sex positions way more enjoyable than a bouquet of soon-to-be-dead roses, but it’s also free—not to mention fun AF.
If you’ve been thinking of testing out a few new moves, but you’re unsure if your partner will be down, Dr. Megan Stubbs—sexologist, relationships expert and author of Playing Without a Partner: A Singles’ Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness—suggests having an open conversation before you try pulling the big stunt. “Everyone has their tried-and-true sex positions, but I think if you ever want to switch it up, it’s great to have a conversation [explaining] that you want to try something new in bed,” says Dr. Stubbs.
Fair warning, though: Don’t do it when you’re already cuddled up. “I suggest having this conversation outside of the bedroom; that way, your partner doesn’t feel pressured to respond in a certain way,” says Dr. Stubbs. “Having it in a neutral location where they can really be authentic and give honest feedback, without thinking of how this is going to ruin the mood, is a really great way to approach that.”
Got clear consent from your partner? Awesome! The next step, according to licensed psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Shannon Chavez, is to make a game plan before you try out the new move in the bedroom. Think of it as rehearsal before the big show!
“Look at pictures of the position or describe how it would look for the both of you to try it,” Dr. Chavez suggests. “Decide on what products you need beforehand so that it doesn’t interrupt the moment. Include lubrication for both partners, such as K-Y’s Yours and Mine Couples Lubricant, props like pillows or blankets and sex toys that can enhance the experience.”
If you’re ready to spice things up for V-Day, try out a few of the expert-approved (or, should I say, sex-pert approved) positions below—and don’t be afraid to put your own twist on ’em!
Stand & Deliver
Mia Sabat, Sex Therapist at Emjoy, suggests trying out a Standing Doggie position to heat up the bedroom this Valentine’s Day. “This position is exceptionally satisfying when it comes to stimulating the clitoris and G-zone,” Sabat says.
How to get it on? Follow Sabat’s instructions. “Turn away from your partner so your back is to their face. Make sure that both partners’ feet are firmly planted on the floor, and bend at the waist until your head is pointing towards the ground,” she says. “You’ll need something to lean against if you are the receiver, so you can rest your hands on the wall, chair or nearest stable object for additional support while your partner holds your hips while entering you from behind—either with a toy, their fingers, or their penis.”
To take this position one step further, Sabat also suggests the receiver get handsy, too. Throw in some manual, mind-blowing clitoral or penile stimulation; you can even consider exploring oral or anal play to really turn up the heat.
One of Dr. Stubbs’s go-to sex positions for people with vulvas is the CAT, or Coital Alignment Technique, position. It may not sound sexy at first, but believe me—it’ll get you and your partner going in seconds.
“The receiving partner is on their back and then the penetrating partner is on top. They’re positioned a little bit higher on your body than say missionary,” Dr. Stubbs explains. “This one is really interesting because of that alignment of the pelvises, the penis or the strap-on/dildo you’re using can actually be rubbing on the clitoris.”
Dr. Stubbs says this is one of her favorite sex positions for vulva owners since it’s more pleasure-inducing than other positions, mainly due to the penetrative and clitoral stimulation, making this a two-for-one offer you don’t want to pass on.
To execute this position, Dr. Chavez says to start off by getting settled into a comfortable position on any surface you’re cool with, be it the floor, bed, sofa or just about anywhere else. “Use an arousal gel such as K-Y’s Intense Pleasure Gel beforehand to heighten sensitivity in the genital area,” she says. “Next, both partners wrap their legs around the other. Start with kissing to get arousal started. Eye gazing will also help relax the body and create connection between partners. Slowly rock your hips back and forth to stimulate the genitals.”
To really spice things up, Dr. Chavez also suggests using a small vibrator or your hands while grinding towards your partner. One-on-one is fun, but when you add in a toy? Trust me—it’s a game-changer.
Both Dr. Chavez and Dr. Stubbs agree that when you’re looking to get intimate and sensual without veering into full-on porno territory, the spooning position is best. Don’t be fooled, though; it’s much more than your usual Netflix and Chill cuddle.
“I do love spoon positions, which are great for any kind of penetrative sex,” says Dr. Stubbs. “You could be wearing a strap-on, it could be two partners with penises playing together. But this is a super low-impact position, very cuddly, and a lot of skin contact.”
Obviously, skip this one if you’re looking for something more wild, but it’s a great option to ease into new positions if you typically keep it vanilla. “It’s not going to be a power position by any means,” says Dr. Stubbs. “If you want to cultivate romantic feelings and the theme of Valentine’s Day, it’s a really fun one to explore.”
Dr. Chavez also adds that one of the best parts of spooning is that stimulation can start with touch before any genital connection at all. “Caress the breasts and/or nipples lightly, the chest and neck towards the sides of the body, belly, back and lower body including inner thighs,” she suggests.
From there, focus in on your partner’s privates—even if you don’t plan on penetration. “Slowly start caressing the genitals, increasing friction and rubbing the genitals together lightly. Use your hands as the main source of pleasure and connection, and to add variety to this position, use a lubricant to enhance sensations and pleasure,” Dr. Chavez instructs. “Genital rubbing and caressing should be stimulating, but not focusing on triggering an orgasm. This position is focused on genital caress as the main source of pleasure.”
On Your Knees
For those of you into oral sex, Sabat says trying out this position is a fun way to mix up your usual approach to oral stimulation. “The key to this position is making sure that whoever is receiving oral sex is standing. From there, the giver can squat, kneel or take any other position that allows them to pleasure their partner,” she says.
“This position is a great way of giving your partner a view, opening up the opportunity for eye contact and exploring a bit of power play in a very gentle manner,” says Sabat. And don’t think you have to play it safe, either! “Does one of you usually take the more dominant role in the bedroom? Try putting that person on their knees. You’d be surprised at how erotic it can be to swap roles and let your partner take charge (or to take charge of your partner),” she says.
Sabat also says to consider getting a cushion
, so that the kneeling person doesn’t get sore. Nothing kills the mood like red knees!
The Faux Yogi
If you’re looking for a comfy position that makes you look flexible in the bedroom without actually having to bend yourself into a pretzel, then Dr. Stubbs suggests trying out this hybrid-yoga position.
“The receiver’s legs are in the wall position,” she says. “You could be on a bed, on a couch, some kind of elevated surface, the counter. You have your legs positioned straight up and down, and then the partner who’s going to be penetrating you can be standing.”
Dr. Stubbs suggests this position for two reasons: First off, the receiver is fully supported by whatever they’re lying on while their partner is standing, so neither party is pushing themselves to do intense aerobic stunts. Also, depending on the height difference in partners, they can really play around with levels of penetration intensity depending on how the receiver positions their legs.
“And if you’re open, you can play around with the lighting of the situation so you’re kind of on display,” Dr. Stubbs suggests. “Legs open, legs close, that can change the sensation of penetration, and you have the freedom to have your hands and your partner’s hands to play and explore [each other’s] bodies.”
Let’s be real here: oral sex is highly underrated in comparison to conventional penetrative sex, and it’s about time we switch it up from the usual 69-ing or getting on your knees. This oral sex position is one of Sabat’s favorite moves because it allows for eye contact, which can make things all the more pleasurably intense.
“If you want to spice up your Valentine’s Day oral sex position, consider settling into a posture that allows you and your partner to maintain eye contact,” she says. “Having the receiver sit in a chair, on the edge of the bed, or on the couch are excellent options, as eye contact is accessible and their legs are easily spread wide. Allow the giver to sit or kneel in front of the receiver, and feel free to place a blanket or pillow under the knees to make the experience more comfortable.”
Whether you’re performing cunnilingus or fellatio on your partner, Sabat recommends maintaining eye contact and using your hands to stimulate other parts of their body. “Eye contact will not only make the experience all the more exciting, but combining the action with manual stimulation can result in an explosive experience,” she says. “Whatever position you choose, don’t be afraid to explore your partner’s erogenous zones, caress yourself, and encourage your partner to explore your body, too—when it comes to sex, everyone should be feeling equal amounts of attention and pleasure.”
Looking to start using some props in the bedroom? While a sex pillow is a fun investment, any of your pillows can be used to easily get into this position.
“Use pillows to create a seat to support your body. One partner can lean over the pillows while the other partner stimulates from behind,” says Dr. Chavez. “Start with caressing your partner’s backside, then pull your partner’s hips towards you and reach around to stimulate genitals. One partner can lean forward while wrapping their arms around the pillows and the other partner stimulates and penetrates from behind with hands, genitals, or vibrator.
To really turn up the heat in this position, Dr. Chavez says that the receiving partner can turn around and sit comfortably on the pillows while your partner treats you to penetration, oral sex, or even just good ol’ hand stuff. What’s especially fun about this position is that you can use the pillow seat in a variety of different ways to support the body, so you can sit back, relax, and have an O-mazing time on Valentine’s Day.