Tyra Banks is opening a theme park. You heard me—former model and America’s Next Top Model creator Tyra Banks is opening a goddamn theme park, and it’s called—wait for it—Modelland. (Banks stans will undoubtedly remember that the star published a young adult novel by the same name in 2010. But can you blame her for double-dipping into the “Modelland” pool? What else was she supposed to name her theme park?)
According to WWD, Modelland is a “fantasy version of the modeling world” that’s been 10 years in the making. (Yup, 10.) The attraction will reportedly feature interactive entertainment, curated retail offerings and user-generated content opportunities—all of which will combine to create experience that invites visitors to “be the dream version of themselves.”
“It’s my calling to bring modeling to the masses,” Banks told WWD. “With Modelland, I’m…giving people the opportunity to engage with the elusive world [of modeling] by opening it up to everyone. Men, women, families, all generations can come and enter this model world for a day, have a fun shopping experience and an eventful meal.” Banks added: “This will be the first of many.” (Oh, my god.)
Modelland is set to open at the Santa Monica Place shopping mall later this year, but we can’t wait to see what it has in store for us all. In fact, we’re so titillated by the thought of a Tyra Banks theme park that we’re already brainstorming attraction ideas. I’m sure Banks has the creative direction for this theme park on lock, but, you know, if she needs a little inspo, our list of hypothetical Modelland attractions can’t hurt.
1. A runway featuring a truly massive swinging pendulum
Anyone who watched ANTM 14 undoubtedly remembers the fashion show where models were forced to walk down a runway adorned with two massive, swinging pendulums. (Yes, people fell.)
2. A photo shoot attraction where visitors let tarantulas crawl on them for fun
Do it for the ‘gram.
3. A makeover studio, because what’s a top model without a dramatic makeover?
This one requires no explanation.
4. A park-wide scavenger hunt that simulates the ever-hectic go-see experience
Each season, contestants had to navigate a city somewhere in Europe, or Asia, or something, and go on “go-sees”—in-person casting calls for upcoming runway shows. It was always a mess. Someone usually cried. (Can you imagine better fodder for a theme park attraction than that?)
5. Not an attraction, but if there aren’t actors dressed like the most iconic characters from ANTM‘s past, we have a problem
Every child wants a photo with Mickey Mouse. Every ANTM stan wants a photo with Allison Harvard.
6. An entire ride dedicated to Janice Dickinson, queen of of queens
I have no idea what this would look like. I’m just positive it needs to happen.
7. A massive pool exclusively reserved for being pushed into
Bonus points if Modelland creates an animatronic version of 50 Cent to do the pushing.
8. A “this is the walk that’s going to make me famous” contest
Theme parks don’t usually have contests, but a midday walk-off seems like a pretty good idea to me.
9. A smize-based strongman game
OK, so you know how carnivals have those things where you hit a high striker as hard as you can and it tells you how strong you are? Modelland needs one of those—except it would measure how strong your smize game was.
10. A funhouse where you’re just surrounded by Lluvy’s “worst photo in top model history”
TBH, I didn’t think it was actually that bad.
11. A room where visitors can practice their top model walks in gargantuan platform heels
Never forget the time a contestant broke her toe trying to walk a runway in exceptionally tall platforms.
12. A workshop for fainting, because apparently that’s a key part of being a top model
You know, a lot of people fainted on this show. Tyra even fake fainted once.
13. A ride where visitors are tasked with eliminating the creepy flesh-eating bacteria that pervaded the ANTM home in cycle 4
You know, like one of those rides where you shoot at monsters! Or whatever!
14. A studio where visitors can create their very own “Pot Ledom” music videos
OK, this one’s a deep track. But on the ANTM all-stars season, contestants had to write songs using the phrase “pot ledom” (“top model” backwards)—and then they had to film music videos for those songs. Because top models are supposed to be well-rounded, or something.
15. A photogenic sign with the words “This is not America’s Next Top Best Friend“
A bitch needs somewhere to snap an Instagram.
16. A room where the “be quiet, Tiffany” video is played on repeat
It’s like the iconic top model moment equivalent of a haunted house.