I’ve officially hit my limit on seeing pictures of naked celebrities. I honestly don’t think my brain can process another famous woman trying to outdo some other famous woman on Instagram, on magazine covers, and on red carpets.
I write about this kind of stuff all the time, so I’m not squeamish about nudity—sex sells, and I’m all for that. This is more about the factory-like repetition with which we’re subjected to the same handful of starlets trying to get the same handful of headlines by kneeling in the pouring rain wearing nothing but a neon thong, forgetting their pants to go grocery shopping but remembering their white stiletto boots and trench coat, and posting a photo of their naked ass covered in glitter while on a family vacay (really, Khloe?)
I understand that some of these women are basically famous for generating tabloid headlines—hey, that’s the world we live in—and that others who have careers in entertainment simply have to keep up, but I’ve honestly seen certain naked bodies more than I’ve seen my own, and it’s getting boring. I don’t think it’s anti-feminist to say my interest level in seeing celebrity boobs is hitting an all-time low.
It’s so boring, in fact, I’ve highlighted 21 things I’d rather look at than another naked celebrity.
1. Someone filling out their health benefit claims form.
2. A melted lemon ice pop someone dropped.
3. A blank crumpled-up to-do list.
4. This revolving bar graph that has no context.
5. A guy paving someone’s driveway.
6. This tangled cord.
7. The house from The Golden Girls.
8. This McDonald’s commercial from the ’80s.
9. This football scenario.
10. This stack of terry cloth towels.
11. This HTTP 404 Error message.
12. Bruce and Kris having fun.
13. Modular office furniture.
14. Someone getting a perfect score on Dancing with the Stars.
15. People looking through carpet samples.
16. Adam Levine being lame.
17. An ice hockey puck, close up.
18. Lea Michele posing.
19. Public bathrooms on a rainy day.
20. Chris Kirkpatrick and some fans at a Planet Hollywood.
21. This photo of a bummed-out man dressed as a superhero in what appears to be a penthouse overlooking the city.