‘The Bachelor’ Recap: Matt & The Women Listen to Audio Porn

Jane Asher
‘The Bachelor’ Recap: Matt & The Women Listen to Audio Porn
Photo: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Season 25 episode two of The Bachelor can be summed up in two words: Sex and tears. And we’re not even at the fantasy suites yet! Matt and the women basically listened to audio porn, Serena P had a great first date, and Sarah couldn’t get over her jealousy of watching her boyfriend date 20 other women. Let’s dive in!

We pick up exactly where we left off last week, Sarah’s fainting spell in the middle of the rose ceremony. The other women were hilariously annoyed that this mishap resulted in extra & special attention from Matt. Khaylah summed it up best: “I did not question Sarah’s fainting. Did I get a slight bit of annoyance because my name hadn’t been called and I wanted to get my emotions with over with first? yeah totally. Do I feel sucky saying that? Yeah.” Khaylah keeping it real.

Victoria however has decided to make Sarah her next victim and to be honest, I don’t think Sarah is ready for the wrath that is coming.

To everyone’s surprise, Matt sends Marylynn home, along with Alana, Illeana, Kristin, and Sydney, and keeps Victoria around. I’m really hoping this is a producer play, because those two have absolutely no chemistry.

Chris Harrison makes his entrance in the girls’ living area to hype up this week’s one-on-one as an especially romantic one. Way to make the claws come out, Chris. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

But the one-on-one must wait, as the first date card calls out a bunch of names of a group date. The girls whose names are called do not look happy, and it looks like the group date tension is already happening. Group date tension is truly my favorite drama-starter, but it usually doesn’t kick in until week 4 or 5! Good work, ladies.

The girls and Matt walk into a dark room where a voice is reading… porn? Turns out it’s Ashley I, who to this day, is still introduced as Ashley I, reading some erotica, written by… Chris Harrison?? I have any thoughts and feelings about this.

Why does Chris Harrison need to go into the erotic novel field? Is this a pastime of his that we never knew about? Does he have a ghostwriter? I honestly really hope he has a ghostwriter. Also, this is some shameless promotion for his book. Many thoughts. Many feelings. Still processing.

Ashley I tells the girls this week’s challenge is for them to write an erotic scene between themselves and Matt and then ready it aloud to a live audience, aka the rest of the women in the house. This should be fun!

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ABC/Craig Sjodin

Some of the women take things pretty far and their entire except comes out as a bunch of bleeps, but for the most part, it seemed like everyone had fun with it and it brought them all closer, even Rachael who was nervous about talking about “that stuff.”

It was especially fun trying to figure out what each *bleep* meant, and watching the girl squirm in their seats was hilarious. Overall, great group date. Victoria in particular seemed to have a very dirty chapter, I loved seeing Chris Harrison’s jaw drop over each expletive, that unfortunately, we weren’t able to hear.

I was expecting the women to be pissed at the girls who got extra dirty, but they all seemed to love it. What could have been a horribly awkward date turned into a great one. Even the “live studio audience,” aka the women not on this date, were having fun with it… except for Sarah.

Watching Sarah slowly start to break down while in the audience was honestly sad. She and Matt had a great date and found a real connection, and now she’s basically going to throw it away so she can obsess about her insecurities with the other women. And that ladies and gentlemen, is called self-sabotage.

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ABC/Craig Sjodin

Back at the house, another date card rolls in, and I was *sure* Abigail would be getting this coveted, extremely romantic date. But, nope, Serena P’s name is on that card and I’m excited to see if they have any chemistry.

Sarah isn’t even around to hear who gets this week’s one-on-one, she’s sulking in her room self-sabotaging. And just when I thought she couldn’t make the situation worse for herself, she runs off to find Matt to tell him how insecure she is. Bad move, girl.

She interrupts the group date’s after-party, specifically cutting in on Katie’s time with Matt. Katie gives them a minute, and Sarah can barely articulate what she’s feeling. Before she can get too far in her conversation, the women tell Katie to go get her man back. She tells Sarah to wrap it up since it’s her time, and her group date. Sarah gets flustered and Katie sits right next to them to let them know it’s her turn now. Gotta love it.

Sarah goes to apologize to the group, which is the right thing to do, but at this point, it’s too little too late. You can’t just storm a group date that’s not yours and then expect the group to be okay with stealing their time! Especially after Chris told the girls they’d all be getting dates this week. She really couldn’t have waited two days to talk to him?

Sarah leaves in tears and Victoria runs after her to see what’s up. Victoria telling Sarah that she’s there for her and “totally understands!” is the biggest crock of BS I’ve ever seen, Victoria isn’t even good at being fake. At this point I do feel bad for Sarah, she’s continually apologizing and getting nowhere, but she should have seen this coming.

Sarah says that the girls can’t possibly understand how she’s feeling, because she and Matt have a special connection that they can’t understand. And this is where Sarah loses me. Of course her connection with Matt is unique, but the connection in general? Not so much. He’s got good things going with multiple women in the house and if Sarah can’t or refuses to see that, she’s doomed.

The next day, Matt comes to pick up Serena P for their one-on-one, but he goes on a little detour to Sarah’s room to comfort her and ease her insecurities. Bad move, dude, the women are not going to be happy about this.

Matt tells Sarah if she’s ever feeling like she needs reassurance to just find him, make eye contact and he’ll be there to let her know he’s thinking about her. Matt. Honey. No. This is not the type of woman you want as a life partner. Not someone you have to constantly reassure and remind that you like them. The right partner will know how much you care and feel confident in the relationship and the chemistry. Someone like… Serena P.

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ABC/Craig Sjodin

Matt and Serena P. seem to get along very easily. She asks him the tough questions, like, “have you ever been in love,” and doesn’t shy away from his questions either. They clearly really good chemistry and I definitely see her sticking around for a while. She seems easy going and confident, aka the opposite of Sarah. She gets the rose and secures her spot in next week’s episode. 

Back at the house, the women have made it their mission to tear down an already very insecure Sarah. Poor thing. Victoria and MJ really go in on her and it’s brutal to watch, but I don’t think their observations are wrong.

MJ says, “If I talked to him every time I felt insecure no would one have time,” which everyone seems to agree with. They call Sarah calculating and manipulative, which I don’t necessarily think she is. She’s just totally insecure here.

Kit ends this scene with a literal threat, “I hope your connection with Matt is amazing because your living situation is going to horrible,” and Sarah runs off in tears… again.

Katie comes to Sarah’s room to comfort her because she didn’t like the way that confrontation went down. We find out the Katie lost her dad in 2012 and empathizes with Sarah’s desire to leave to be with her family. Between the jealousy, the bullying and the 24 hours of tears, Sarah has decided it’s time for her to go.

She goes to say goodbye to Matt, who tries his hardest to get her to stay. Love is worth fighting for, but not if you have to fight this hard. Don’t worry Matt, the girl for you is in that house, and I promise you, it’s not Sarah.

Next week’s episode looks pretty incredible. We’ve got 5 new girls coming to the resort, which will surely up the tension in the house, just as everyone is starting to feel comfortable with each other. Until next week!

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