Ah, Hello Kitty. Everyone’s favorite round faced, mouthless kitten has been an iconic character since 1974, and has since amassed a pretty impressive resume. She’s got her own album, multiple theme parks, and even her own maternity ward. All without aging a day, literally. (Never mind that we recently found out that she isn’t even a kitten at all, but a teenage girl who personifies her favorite little animal.)
Sanrio, the manufacturer behind the beloved kitty-teen, has grown her celebrity by plastering her adorable face on thousands of products worldwide. At a global net worth of $7 billion, it’s not uncommon to see various iterations of the kitten on typical licensed products like socks, makeup, and iPhone cases, but when we started digging into the fantasy world of hardcore Hello Kitty fandom, what we found was surprising to say the least. From (unlicensed) finds like breast pumps, sex toys, and box cutters to slightly off-putting items like a fully-functioning AK-47, it seems Ms. Kitty has an undeniably broad reach.
Here, we’ve dug up 5o of the weirdest Hello Kitty products you can buy.
Peruse the gallery and let us know how you would get your kitty on!
Rev up your engines ladies -- at $33 a pop, Hello Kitty motor oil will make you the fastest, and cutest, racer on the tracks. Kinja
The Hello Kitty microwave, so you can watch an adorable face zap your food. Sakar
The Hello Kitty Breast Pump, that comes in both electric and hand pump varieties.
We've seen some weird sex toys, but this Hello Kitty butt plug takes the cake.
Because every dog wants to actually be a well dressed cat.
This Hello Kitty quesadilla maker burns Hello Kitty's face onto each individual quesadilla slice. Target
Every young girl wants to feel special during her time of the month -- these Hello Kitty sanitary pads will help them get there.
What could possibly make tooth alignment more fun? A Hello Kitty retainer that's what!
Hello Kitty Contact Lenes, you'll be seeing kittens everywhere! Candy Lens
The Hello Kitty tongue tattoo... see next slide.
Hello Kitty tongue tattoos, that create the glory that happened in the previous slide. Pez
Out of ideas of what to BYO to your next family BBQ? These Hello Kitty hamburger patties are perfect!
Hello Kitty surge protector, with outlets as her appendages. Imagine what she looks like when she's all plugged in! Sakar
Girls can't have all the fun -- these Hello Kitty urinal pads are cute and informative. (Because that's what every guy needs when going using the restroom)
The Hello Kitty toaster, that burns her face onto your every slice. Target
Nothing will perk you up on a Saturday morning like pancakes covered in Hello KItty maple syrup.
Except for maybe a bowl of Hello Kitty cornflakes.
Helloy Kitty Hand Warmers, to keep your paws cozy in the cold months. Sanrio
Adults must learn how to play safe too -- with these Hello Kitty branded condoms.
Speaking of protection, this Hello Kitty iPad Holder, protects your electronics while providing a soft cushion for your head. Sanrio
Give Hello Kitty a fun new hairstyle with this fuzzy chia pet! Sanrio
Hello Kitty Vibrator -- for that lolita/anime role playing you've always wanted to try. Amazon
If you're doing target practice with the guns we showed you earlier, be sure to equip yourself with this Hello Kitty bullet proof mask.
Grocery shopping has never been cuter when things like Hello Kitty pasta exist.
Hello Kitty Airlines is for the ultimate Hello Kitty fan. With flights leading out of Taipei straight to Paris, every last detail on the plane is tricked out Hello Kitty -- even the shape of the lavatory soaps and in flight meals! Eva Air
We've got not one, not two, but three major sneaker collaborations for Hello Kitty. What's your preference: these by ASICS? (see next slide?)
These Hello Kitty x Reebok? or (see next slide)
These Hello Kitty x Nike sneakers.
Indulge in a little snack session with these Hello Kitty Cheetos.
This Hello Kitty crucifix is perfect for your child's First Communion -- because Jesus didn't die on the cross, Hello Kitty did.
Back pain? Shoulder pain? This Hello Kitty heating pad will comfort your minor body injuries.
Exotic dancers can channel their inner childhood fantasies with these Hello Kitty burlesque heels. Etsy
And a stripper shoe based outfit wouldn't be complete without Hello Kitty nipple tassles. Pasties
Shipping anything? Make your packages cuter than most with this Hello Kitty duck tape.
Regular bouquets are so boring compared to this cute Hello Kitty flower explosion.
Hello Kitty paper towels, to make every cleanup a little more cheerful. Dream Kitty
Hello Kitty isn't just for kids with this crisp kitty chardonnay.
Nap in style with this Hello Kitty neck pillow.
For the Catholics, Hello Kitty has made this cute chocolate Advent calendar, because nothing brings you closer to God than a cartoon cat and some sugar.
Hello Kitty toilet paper roll holder, making your plush 2-ply even plushier. Amazon
Hello Kitty television set, so you can watch all your shows under the smize of your favorite kitty! Target
This kitten is cute but she's also smart -- get your science on with this Hello Kitty microscope.
Want to walk down the aisle with your favorite cat? No problem -- we found dozens of wedding dresses inspired by the cute kitten.
Get your hands on this Helllo Kitty recliner, which will seamlessly match with any type of home decor... if the home you live in is the one on the next slide.
The Hello Kitty House -- only ultimate fans need apply.
Hello Kitty Box Cutter, bringing her kitten claws to real life. Cute Stuffs
Hello Kitty isn't just a stuffed animal, you can build her out of nano blocks too! Amazon
Hello Kitty backpack has an attached hood that transforms you into the teenage kitty (sort of)! Hot Topic
Air too dry in the winter? Hello Kitty can help! This humidifier will keep moisture in the air and cheer you up when things are feeling cold and dry.
Hand Made Hello Kitty meets WonderWoman costume, in case one fantasy character wasn't enough. Etsy
Hello Kitty bluetooth speakers, making every song you hear adorable. ChipChick
Hello Kitty must be BFF's with Ronald because she has taken over the world's largest fast food chain, McDonalds.
Bunnies and kittens can get along! At least when it comes to these Playboy x Hello Kitty collaboration socks.
Doctors recommend 8 glasses of water a day, which won't be hard since there are so many styles of Hello Kitty water bottles to collect!