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Fans of personality tests know the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator—known by many as the MBTI—is basically the holy grail of personality psychology. For decades, the MBTI has been consulted for everything from professional assessment to relationship compatibility. And yet I put it to you that its greatest triumph is still ahead, for today I have harnessed the raw power of a four-component personality assignment to tell you the exact trendy summer bag you should purchase this year.
Many believed we would never possess the technology. There were those who hissed their dissent, insisting that humanity was doomed to walk the earth picking trendy summer bags completely at random for centuries to come. But I’m here today to tell you those dark ages are behind us, and what’s before us is personality-based trendy! summer! bag! shopping!
Scroll on, and discover the wealth of inner peace that flows from knowing what your soulmate would be if your soulmate were a bag. If you feel your bag does not perfectly reflect your personality on a spiritual level, then I’m afraid the problem is within. I did a lot of serious science with charts and graphs and maybe even a bunsen burner and these bag suggestions are, therefore, 100 percent empirically correct. You’ve simply misdiagnosed yourself with the wrong type and should seek assistance immediately. My only advice for you is to COME BACK WHEN YOU KNOW YOURSELF AS WELL AS I KNOW THESE BAGS.
1. INTP: Raffia Mini Hobo Tote, $80 at Free People
The only thing you know for sure about your summer is that you’ll probably be traveling somewhere at some point, hopefully. Pick up this bag and insist it’s not just because the word hobo is really resonating with you at the moment. It’s also because you’ll need a place to stow your passport, or a secondhand Keroac paperback you’re definitely gonna finish this time, or possibly some Twizzlers.
2. ENFJ: Beach Bae Blue and White Striped Tote, $50 at Lulus
No time like the present to come to terms with the fact that you’ll definitely end up lugging around all your friends’ stuff this summer. You’re the kind of person who thinks ahead enough to bring a bag, but that means you’re also a target for the less-together types who now want to know if there’s enough room in your bag for their phone, keys, sunglasses, headphones and beach books. Even if they don’t say it, you know they appreciate you for being their beloved pack mule. At least you’ll be one stylish mule with this tote!
3. ENFP: Clear Vinyl Mini Backpack, $25 at Forever 21
You’ll fall in love with this bag and take it home on a whim, and a few weeks later, while drinking wine on the floor with your friends, you’ll realize the reason it called to you was probably because it’s transparent and it’s basically a metaphor for how you live your life. You’ll be super excited about this epiphany and maybe repeat it a couple of times because it didn’t feel like anyone else really responded the first time.
4. ISTJ: Fanny Pack, $300 at Revolve
You’re gonna feel pretty good about all the emergency aspirin, band aids, hairbrush, park map, backup phone battery and Altoids you can keep in here without compromising either of your arms! Start referring to it as a belt bag to all your friends in the hopes that it’ll catch on and pat yourself on the back for your extremely practical choices.
5. ISTP: Natural Woven Handbag, $60 at Zara
You’ll bring this bag on a day trip somewhere and be super amped about how smart you were to pack light and maybe even brag about it a few dozen times to your friends until the worm turns and you realize you don’t have room for any of the souvenir keychains/funny pamphlets/flattened pennies you’ve collected along the way. It’s all good, though, as after you complain for a while about how you’ve been hoist by your own petard, your ENFJ friend will begrudgingly let you offload your prizes into their big tote, leaving you to continue feeling pretty good about your choices.
6. ESFJ: Mariposa Mint Green Crocodile Print Bucket Bag, $36 at Lulus
You’ll get super excited about the fact that this cute bag in exactly the shade of green you’d made a note to buy months ago is also vegan. “It’s vegan!” you’ll tell everyone, and feel so good about your ethical spending. You’ll make a note to tell your vegan friend about it. And also maybe quickly jot down a comparison shopping guide for your friend about other vegan goods she can purchase. And also give her a timeline of when each item goes on sale to ensure optimal pricing.
7. INFP: Aranaz Round Shell Clutch, $740 at Anthropologie
Buy this bag for yourself because you’ve been feeling a real kinship with the ocean lately, or possibly with snails. You’ll probably think about declaring this to your friends but then decide you’d rather write some of a poem about it instead.
8. INFJ: Wooden Clasp Crossbody Bag, $40 at Zara
This bag is a triple threat: It’s got clean lines, which you find soothing; a clasp, which is just good common sense; and it’s exactly the right size for the Moleskine you carry with you at all times in case a stranger or a bird you spot on your walk to lunch gives you new insight into the human condition and you need to introspect about it immediately.
9. ISFJ: Hobbs Tan Round Woven Purse, $65 at Lulus
You’ll love that this bag is cute and unobtrusive but will always be there when you need it. The perfect size to fit anything you’ll end up needing, like chapstick or sunblock or a sympathy card—because you’re sure nobody else bothered to remember the anniversary of your neighbor’s dog passing away.
10. ESTJ: En Shalla Chevron Market Tote Bag, $330 at Anthropologie
Let’s be honest. You keep the world together and this bag will keep you together. Who knows how many ~supplies~ you can fit in here. You actually do know, and the answer is “nearly enough,” which is pretty good! Plus, there’s something about all the right angles that really speaks to you.
11. ISFP: Betsy Hexagon Crossbody Bag, $88 at Anthropologie
This bag is neutral enough to match the seven style pivots (and possibly three different hair colors) you’ll be going through this summer, all while still being pretty eye-catching on its own. It’s unique and versatile— just like you.
12. ENTJ: WANT Just Hold On Wooden Clutch Bag, $40 at Nasty Gal
Buy it for the BDE, keep it because the rigid shape allows you to force your way past slow walkers when you’re trying to get somewhere (in other words, ALWAYS).
13. ENTP: SAONA Coral String Tote Bag, $32 at Topshop
Look, you don’t know what your day is going to look like, you just know your bag is most likely going to take a beating. You need something that’s going to hold up when you end up trying to longboard to a concert the next town over, or fill in on an intramural basketball game you wandered by, or spend four hours at a house party debating a total stranger over whether or not soulmates exist. The point is, this bag is gonna go through some stuff.
14. ESFP: Palma Canaria Flirt Circle Clutch, $188 at Anthropologie
You like to make a statement, and so does this bag with a face on it! You guys were a match made in heaven. Who knows what kind of great bits you’ll craft for your friends oriented around this bag, and the face it has? The opportunities are endless.
15. INTJ: FLUX Black Wicker Straw Grab Bag, $44 at Topshop
INTJs around the world rejoice because someone made a summer bag that’s still black. Revel in the latch, which will ensure the protection of all the extremely private and secret things you keep in there. And relish all the opportunities you’ll have to tell your beleaguered friends that BLACK IS ALWAYS IN SEASON.
16. ESTP: Diego Binetti Vita Drawstring Bag, $148 at Anthropologie
Look, as someone who’s statistically the most likely to have described themselves as a “wild card” this calendar year, you need a bag that allows you to improvise while you’re rock climbing/taking a class in stage combat/ironically attending a Renaissance Faire/ pitching your life story to HBO. This bag will do all that while staying firmly slung around your shoulders.
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