Snooki, Lohan & More: Stupidest Lawsuits To Make A Buck

Spencer Cain

Today is a very timely day to discuss absolutely ludicrous lawsuits. In case you didn’t hear,Mariah Yeater (a.k.a. the Teen Mom hopeful who claimed that Justin Bieber‘s sperm gave way to backstage baby) dropped her paternity case against the pop prince today. Um, probably because there was no case.

Nonetheless, having no valid reason to take legal action hasn’t stopped some celebrities from getting their lawyers involved. While many of these stars put on their best pouts and claim they’ve been “hurt” by the opposite parties, we all know what this is about: that ca$h money. Take a look at some current court cases where it’s clear that greed for green is the motivator.

  • Page Six reports that the world’s favorite orange blossom of guidette goodness, Snooki, has filed a suit against SRG ventures, a company she inked a deal with to make clothes, home goods, as well as other things she has no reason to be making. Apparently, the deals weren’t as “lucrative” as her contract said they would be. Naturally, SRG is planning a countersuit, claiming that they did achieve these performance benchmarks, and that Snooki herself has not honored the contract and has been too busy to promote what she signed up to do. If I were a bettin’ man, I’d say that Snooks did not want to put in the long hours of actually doing anything, and was pissed when a check for a quarter of a milli didn’t just show up at her condo. Girl, be grateful for what you can get, and work your ass off for it. You’re not Kimmy K. You won’t get paid $10K simply just to tweet.
  • Back in August, Hollywood’s resident legal expert Lindsay Lohan filed a suit against Pitbull for using her name in his summer smash “Give Me Everything.” A line from the song goes, “Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’ / I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” According to the suit,”By virtue of [the song’s] wide appeal, condemnation, excoriation, disparaging or defamatory statements by the defendants about [Lohan] are destined to do irreparable harm.” Okay, Linds! Pitbull is the reason why there has been irreparable harm done to your career and public persona. It had nothing to do with repeated trips to rehab, dramatic public spectacles, and more court appearances than Gloria Allred! We know your acting career isn’t paying the bills these days, but there’s gotta be a better way, boo.
  • At first, when I heard that The Situation (Snooki’s Jersey Shore counterpart) was suing Abercrombie & Fitch, I thought it was ridiculous. If you’ll recall, A&F offered Sitch money 3 months ago to NOT wear its clothes. Now, apparently Sitch is suggesting that A&F infringed on Jersey Shore trademarks, selling T-shirts that read “The Fitchuation” AND “GTL…You Know The Deal.” Now, this is an interesting point on his behalf, however the fact that he wouldn’t want a cease and desist on the selling of the products, and is instead seeking $4 million + in damages is a little ambitious.

These are merely a few cases that are currently being fought, where it’s clear that these celebs are trying to cash in on their fifteen minutes and build their bank accounts. It’s not like I’m some conservative spender here, but take my advice, people: invest the hundreds of thousands you make from your BS reality shows, don’t buy Bentleys, don’t buy Birkins, and KEEP WORKING. This way you won’t be knee deep in legal bills when your suits fall through!