The new service Ship Your Enemies Glitter delivers exactly what they promise: For nine Australian dollars you can ship someone you’d really like to annoy a parcel of loose glitter. Why? Because glitter’s effing annoying. It gets everywhere, clings to everything, and basically sticks around until the end of eternity. Even a few tiny specks of loose glitter will conveniently attach itself to your face, your fingers, your hair, your clothes, your carpet, your bag, and pretty much anything else you touch, or own.
Now that we’ve established that glitter is, in fact, not nearly as fun and fancy-free as art supply stores make it out to be, you’re probably wondering what the nine Aussie dollars will get you. The site makes it pretty clear.
“First off, use your f***ing imagination. We’re going to be pouring a ton of glitter into an envelope with a folded up piece of paper. You know what’s going to happen when that f**kface opens the envelope and pulls out the letter? The craft herpes will be released and will go everywhere.”
Your mission to create misery will be accomplished! So simple, yet so brilliant. The site also promises that your enemy will have no trace that the package was from you “unless you open your mouth.” The only thing that would make this package of annoyance better is adding a stack of Chinese food delivery menus.
The site also includes a helpful, if slightly angry, FAQ section (a sample includes “Is this site real?” Answer: Yes, you fucking idiot. We spent too much time, money & resources putting this shithole of a website up to not get paid for it”), and several testimonials from users who simply love the service (some of which sound a little too enthusiastic about glitter-shipping) to be real.
There is however, a very real PayPal account that’s linked to the page where you can hope to get your envelope of glitter sorted—if you haven’t already decided to hightail it over to the craft store and teach your enemies a lesson yourself.