While there aren’t any hard-and-fast rules about what to do in the bedroom—and isn’t that half the fun?—there are some common mistakes that women tend to make, some as a result of misunderstandings, bad communication, or simply the fact that you’ve gotten a little too comfortable.
Don’t beat yourself up. Some of these habits are actually a result of feeling close to your partner (silver lining!), but have an adverse effect that you might not be aware of. Let these common faux pas, courtesy of Carly Spindel of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking, serve as a reminder to help you stay on your game in bed.
Below, 10 of the most common sex mistakes women make.
You only wear sweats to bed.
Obviously, comfy clothes are amazing, and—after a long day—there’s nothing better than chilling out in sweats. However, if you notice that your sex life is either lackluster or non-existent, swap out the sweats once in a while for something that makes you feel sexy. If you feel it, your partner will feel it, too.
You never initiate sex.
Men love when you initiate sex, plain and simple. The best way to show your man that you want him is to make the first move, no matter how long you’ve been together.
You think your period means you’re out of commission.
Period sex is more common than you might think. Sure, it can be a little gross and messy, but to take yourself out of the game several days per month because you have it is doing you and your partner a serious disservice. Next time you get yours, throw down some old towels or sheets, and get busy—even if it’s dirty. Your partner will think it’s hot that you’re not self-conscious (and it’s a good way to relax if you’re dealing with cramps or mood swings).
You’re not confident.
Confidence is sexy, you know that! Owning your sexuality and not being insecure about your body—especially when you’re naked—is one of the hottest things you can do. Remember: Your guy is in bed with you to have fun, so why would he waste time searching for imperfections?
You never service yourself during sex.
Using a vibrator to reach your clit, masturbating side by side, or just making sure he hits the right spot when he’s thrusting—it’s a turn-on for your partner when you prioritize your own pleasure. So be a little selfish and make sure you’re doing whatever you need to get off. Trust us, it’ll help him get off faster, too.
You expect him to do all the work.
Sex is an activity that involves two people, and for it to be considered good, you have to be present. Don’t just lie there and expect him to do everything, take an active role—it’ll be better for both of you.
You always have sex in the dark.
Sure, it can be sexy and natural to do it in the dark, but try keeping the lights on once in a while. Not only will this feel more spontaneous, but it’ll allow both of you to really see each other, which can be super-hot.
You never ask for anything.
Men aren’t mind readers, and most of the time they don’t know what you want, how you want it, or what you’re thinking unless you tell them. Communication is key, even in sex.
You fake it.
If you’re constantly faking orgasms, you’re the one who’s losing out. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and (hopefully) filled with pleasure. If your man isn’t getting you there, you need to let him know. Show him what you like, or talk about ways you can make it work for you, too (sex toys, anyone?) You’re wasting your time if you don’t give him a chance to make you feel great.
You lose your sexuality.
Once you’re in a committed relationship, it’s easy not to make sex a priority, but it really does matter. If you put your man or your relationship on a back burner, one day it’ll probably burn up, so try to remain interested in and willing to have sex. It doesn’t have to be every night, or even every week, but it should be something that you both make time for regularly.