I’ve been to psychics; I’ve had my tarot cards read; I believe, abstractly, in auras, chakras, and karma; but I’m pretty inexperienced—and, frankly, a little skeptical—when it comes to crystals. So when a friend brought up the idea of doing specific crystal rituals to improve my relationship, it was an intriguing idea because—while my relationship of two years is going strong—I’m a believer that things can always be better.
I’m not the only one who’s intrigued by crystals: Celebrities from Kylie Jenner and Heidi Klum to Angelina Jolie and Oprah have jumped on board the trend, which has become more mainstream in the past couple of years. But until I read my colleague Jasmine’s deep-dive into the world of crystal healing, I never knew the actual premise—that these pretty rocks can work magic on different areas of your life thanks to unique vibrations.
Pink rose quartz is known to have the strongest healing properties in terms of love and relationships, which is why experts often place them in strategic spaces. “I have rose quartz all over my bedroom because its soothing loving energy connects me to the love that the earth gives us,” says Deborah Hanekamp, a Brooklyn-based seeress who specializes in medicine readings and healing ceremonies.“Romantically, this stone will enhance the ability to see things clearly in a relationship and therefore deepen love. It also activates self-love and will show us if we are in an unhealthy relationship.”
I also spoke to Heather Askinosie, a crystal healer and cofounder of the crystal jewelry vendor Energy Muse, who says rose quartz can help you see things from your partner’s perspective. “Really the reason why people don’t have deeper, stronger relationships is because someone isn’t feeling heard or appreciated,” she explains. “Sometimes it’s hard to see things through someone else’s eyes when you’re so locked in your own. Crystals help you to be open.”
Askinosie and Hanekamp generously gave me a few rose-quartz rituals to incorporate into my life using specific routines they mapped out for me. Some are small; others are more time-consuming—but after each, I did sense a subtle change. It sounds woo-woo, but after Hanekamp’s ritual bath with red wine and rose petals—meant to help cleanse past hurts that can fester in relationships—my boyfriend and I got into a random fight about something small, but then we talked it out and proceeded to have great sex. During Askinosie’s “Love with a Partner” ritual, my boyfriend was a little giggly, but a serious expression came over his face when I took my turn sharing my feelings, and I could tell he appreciated hearing it.
Whether these moments were a result of the crystals themselves or the fact we were hyper-aware of our relationship for the sake of this story isn’t exactly clear, but taking the time to focus on feelings of openness is easy when you take the time to tap into it, and harder when you’re rushing through your days without pausing to pay attention.
Still, it can’t hurt to try the exact rituals I did, all listed below with examples of how each one affected me and my relationship.
By Heather Askinosie
Love yourself first. Begin and end each day with a self-love ritual to surround yourself with loving energy. Each morning, hold a rose quartz stone in your dominant hand. Breathe in and out deeply. Affirm out loud, “I choose love.” Say this affirmation as many times as you need to, until your heart and your head feel that these words are true.
In the evening, lie down on your bed, a yoga mat, or on any other flat surface, and set a timer for 11 minutes. Place your rose quartz over your heart, close your eyes, and just breathe. Know in your heart and soul that you are loved and that love is the foundation of all things. Doing this nightly also clears any built-up frustration or negative emotions from the day, giving you a clean slate to begin again the next day.
Love with Partner Ritual
By Heather Askinosie
This ritual is about finding your inner middle. You both want to give, but not over-give so that your relationship feels at balance. Remember, you may have some stagnant energy from past relationships, whether they were friendly or romantic. Things you didn’t even know you were holding onto may be brought up—just listen to what is coming up for you. Once your feelings are brought to the table, hear them, listen to them, feel them and then let them go once your time is complete.
Set a timer for 10–15 minutes. Sit together with your partner in a quiet space when you are both calm and in a positive mind-set. Hold the rose quartz (which represents unconditional love) in your dominant hand and have your partner hold the carnelian stone (which represents passion) in his/her dominant hand.
Begin talking to each other. What do you want out of your relationship? What do you need? How are you feeling? Is there in anything lacking? When do you feel most loved?
Remember, you may have some stagnant energy from past relationships, whether they were friendly or romantic. Things you didn’t even know you were holding onto may be brought up—just listen to what is coming up for you. Once your feelings are brought to the table, hear them, listen to them, feel them, and then let them go once your time is complete.
Sexual Energy Ritual
By Heather Askinosie
Using crystals for sex, sensuality, and intimacy activates the sexual energy in your body so that your emotional and subtle body is stimulated.
Set a timer for 11 minutes. Lie down in a comfortable setting and place two sunstones over your sacral chakra and have your partner do the same. When you lay these crystals over your sacral chakra center, its healing energy brings your sensuality back to life, infusing it with energy from the cosmos so that you are connected with something bigger than yourself. This opens up the space for more passion and sexual energy in your relationship.
By Deborah Hanekamp
Place a rose quartz crystal in water and let it sit overnight. In the morning you and your love can drink the water and feel the loving vibrations all day.
Ritual Bath for Big Love
By Deborah Hanekamp
Go ahead, have a date with yourself tonight to tap into the healing love pouring forth from that beautiful, wise, mysterious heart of yours or invite your lover to join you. Taking a ritual bath together is a ceremony, cleansing past hurts that can fester in relationships and a conscious cultivation and proclamation of your love. This is a wonderful way to just be together, break up routine, and explore the one that is your perfect mirror.
Pink Himalayan Sea Salt: 1 Cup
Raw Cacao Powder: 1 Cup
Red Wine: 1/2 bottle (YES you can enjoy a glass of wine with this bath)
Rosewood Essential Oil: 3 drops
Rose Absolute Essential Oil: 7 drops
3 Rose Quartz Crystals
Petals of 6 Pink Roses
Combine all ingredients into a tub as hot as you can stand the water, saving the rose petals for last.
Light a candle with the intention of deepening your connection to love
Burn a stick of cinnamon around your body as a smudge, include the soles of your feet and back of your head.
Step into the bath and dunk your head underwater.
Place one rose quartz on your womb and another rose quartz on your chest between your throat and heart center. Hold a third piece of rose quartz in your left hand.
Take three deep breaths as you exhale release on a whisper the Taoist sound of the Heart HU
Sing your favorite love song out loud to yourself on repeat. If you are with your lover, use this time to speak openly to each other.
Sit in silence and soak up the healing vibration of your own love.
Step out of the bath, stand naked in front of the mirror, and say out loud, “I have COMPASSION for you.” If you are doing this bath with your lover, say it to each other.
Take the crystals you used in the bath and place them under your pillow to dream with you.
Offer all the herbs and rose petals used in your bath to the earth in gratitude.