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Well, we are deep into the Spooky Season, and you’ve gathered around my, uh, large cauldron (?) for one express purpose. What if I told you I had a list of all—that’s right, all of em!—the Myers-Briggs types as Halloween monsters? After all, what could be ~spookier~ than that level of sheer self-awareness? And what is a truer form of knowing oneself than the kind that comes from being assigned to one of 16 possible MBTI creatures of the night? In terms of tricks and treats, this kind of knowledge is a major treat, so you’re welcome in advance.
Halloween is the perfect time to look within and make plans with your inner monster. Should you spend your October 31 building your own best friend out of spare parts, howling at the moon or biting your neighbors? There’s literally endless (OK, there’s 16) paths, and only one way to find out which is yours to take.
Allow me to set the scene. Crows begin to flock all around us while other seasonally-appropriate creatures do their various things as I unfold my scroll (Dusty tome? Ancient text? Use your imagination) of personality test-based soothsayings. I have looked deep into your consciousness and assigned you a dark and wonderful Halloween monster based on my findings. Now, all you need to do is find the perfect monster Halloween costume to make my prediction a reality.
The question is: Are you brave enough to read on?
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You’re charismatic, domineering and known to collect followers. Capes and castles are definitely suited to your aesthetic, and God help anyone who disturbs your fucking slumber. Don’t forget to buy some faux fangs for this look—after all, you’ll really want to ~sink your teeth into~ the vampire vibes.
INTJ: Dr. Frankenstein
You’re happiest when you’re locked in your lab doing experiments, reading dusty tomes or anything else that doesn’t involve directly engaging with people. You’re also never happier than when you get to point out that, technically, you are Frankenstein and the other one is your monster.
It’s hard to predict what form you’re going to be in at any given time—you’ve definitely been described as a “wild card” before, and randomly becoming a different species definitely qualifies as that. It’s always a toss-up whether you’ll be chilling with your pack or going all lone wolf for the night. Just proceed with caution if you commit to werewolf as your Halloween costume, since you don’t want people to mistake you for a Furry (or do you?).
You’re pretty happy getting to ruminate in your sarcophagus, pondering any mistakes you made while ruling over Ancient Egypt and contemplating how you can do better the next time someone activates your cursed scarab amulet and brings your reign of terror back upon the waking world.
ENFJ: The Headless Horseman
Sure, there’s your history as an animal lover and your zest for getting into the spirit of #thotumn, but above all else, you’re the Headless Horseman because of your irrepressible love of Teaching Someone a Lesson.
INFJ: Frankenstein’s Monster
You’re big on internal processing and not big on talking. Spend a lot of time reflecting on all the personality traits you’ve picked up and stitched on, and also can we talk about the record-breaking levels of existential dread?? If you’re wanting to actually look the part for this costume, invest in some Halloween face paint—but get the good stuff so you don’t have monster stains on your skin the next morning.
INFP: Sheet Ghost
You’re hard to spot when you want to be. A big lover of nostalgia and melancholy, you’ve definitely been described as either floaty or vague. This is also the easiest costume to pull off for your friend’s Halloween party. Literally, just wear a sheet.
Look: Above all else, you love getting out of the house, meeting new people and organizing a crowd with a singular mission—and isn’t that just what a zombie is?
ISTJ: Killer Robot
You’re pragmatic, great with objectively assessing situations, and you love when you can neatly carry out one of your prefabricated functions. You also have more gadgets on you at all times than anyone could possibly imagine.
You’ve put a lot of effort into Spreading Your Brand, and you rely pretty much 95% on your reputation preceding you. However, you’re also never opposed to jumping out at someone and shouting, “Boo!” if it comes down to it.
ISTP: Invisible Man
You will defy definition at every turn, eavesdrop on every conversation you can and will absolutely never stop using your pathological ambiguity to get away with bits.
ESFJ: Unfinished Business Ghost
Okay, I know I, technically, already did ghosts, but this is specific. Look deep within yourself. You know there are some things on your to-do list tonight that you’d defy death to get done.
ISFJ: Little Green Man
You’re famously elusive, leaving behind only rumors that you’ve ever appeared at a function, and you have a hard time showing up to take credit for the work you do (meaning it usually gets blamed on a weather balloon). Grab the green face paint and fully commit.
ESFP: Killer Clown
Look, above all else, you’re an entertainer. And whether the outlet is doing capers for the crowds at a circus, or, yeah, sure, appearing at the edge of the woods with a chainsaw and suddenly breaking into a run, you’re going to do what you do best: COMMIT. Don’t forget your red clown nose for the ~full aesthetic~.
ISFP: Swamp Thing
You love nothing more than getting all cozy in the swamp that you’ve painstakingly curated to fit your aesthetic, and you will scare away as many horny teens as it takes to achieve maximum coziness.
You’ve probably heard that you spend life floating a few feet above reality, but in this case it’s more like… swooping. You’re also pretty vocal about your feelings, including in particular these very strong feelings you have that people should know exactly when they’re going to die, and they’re best off hearing it from your haunting screams.
A version of this article previously appeared in October 2020.