Heidi Montag decided to put down the Playboy mag she’s been carrying around for the past few weeks, and tear a few pages out of the “How to Rip Off Britney Spears Yet Somehow Look Trashier” handbook last night at the Miss Universe Pageant. (And yes, that handbook exists; Spencer bought it on eBay using his parents’ credit card.)
From the bedazzled bustier, to her diamond belly ring (to her oops, almost-but-not-quite camel-toe) we got a Wal-Mart brand, watered-down version of MTV Video Music Awards circa 2002, as Montag gyrated and lip-synched to her super summer smash hit “Body Language.” To top off her nylon Spanx-ensemble, the girl donned black lace-up sneakers; like the ones they make you buy when you’re a waitress at Friendly’s. We’re not impressed, Heidi…man up and wear a pair of heels. It’s the least you can do for the pageant queens.
We bet everyone from Miss Antarctica to Miss Zimbabwe would have given up their wish for world peace to have had someone pull that chick offstage with a hook.