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Let’s get the obvious out of the way: Meditation can offer improved sleep, lowered stress levels, relief from anxiety—studies even show meditation can slow the aging of your brain, cure addictions, and act as a powerful antidepressant. However, if you’re already getting eight hours of sleep a night and handling life like a boss, there’s one thing devotees aren’t telling you: Meditation could be the key to the best sex of your life.
Anyone who’s tried one of the popular practices (yours truly included) will tell you there’s actually no better way to unwind, regroup, and center yourself after getting slammed at work, or juggling approximately 10,000 deadlines. Just a few minutes can completely change your mindset—which exactly is why women struggling to orgasm or suffering from a low libido can see a noticeable difference in their sex life after taking up meditation.
“A big libido killer for a woman is stress, and meditation is a stress-buster,” explained wellness guru Gabrielle Bernstein, while Dr. Logan Levkoff—a sex expert with a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, Marriage, and Family Life Education— said it “helps to quiet those distracting thoughts in our head that get in the way of enjoyable sex, self esteem, and libido.” Bernstein says her female clients report greater sexual pleasure after practicing their mantra twice a day: “A good 20 minutes of meditation can lower your cortisol levels even more than a full night of sleep. A daily meditation practice will keep you calm and connected to your body. The more stress-free you are, the more joyful sex will be,” she explained.
For women—and guys—who can’t shut down that inner dialogue and be fully present during sex (sound familiar?) regular meditation practice can help bring you back to the moment, and amplify the experience: “Mindfulness is a big word in health and wellness these days, and sexuality is no different. You have to operate in the present, free from worry,” Levkoff explained.
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So, if it’s better sex that you’re after, where do you start? Bernstein recommends practicing meditation twice per day for 20 minutes, either using a mantra, a guided meditation app, or by attending a meditation class to bust the stress and raise your sex drive. “This committed practice will balance your cortisol levels and therefore increase your libido,” Bernstein advised.
Ideally, Bernstein recommends meditating right before sex, but if that’s going to kill the spontaneity, it’s a good idea to commit to regular practice every morning—before you read the news, have a cup of coffee, and start to get distracted. Then, meditate again around 4:00 p.m., or as soon as you get home from work. “Meditating when you get home from work can help you get your sexy on. You can clear the energy of the day, let go of the office attitude and return to a centered energy,” Bernstein said.
First-timers should try repeating the mantra “peace begins with me” while tapping your thumb on your pointer, middle, ring, and little fingers. “Each word corresponds with a different finger,” she said: “When you say peace tap your pointer; begins, middle finger; with, ring; and finally me is your little pinkie finger.”
In addition to regular old mantra meditation, there are other, more, um, niche practices centered more specifically on getting you turned on—but they’re definitely NSFW. Pamela Madsen is an expert in the area of meditation and sex (perhaps you’ve read her articles on Huffington Post?) and after training with Deepak Chopra for a year, began pioneering a new way for women to meditate that’s geared toward specifically boosting your sex drive.
Basically, it involves what Madsen calls “erotic integration,” where women rock while meditating in the “lotus lift” position—with your legs crossed and heel pressed into your pelvis for around 10 minutes.
“The lotus lift meditation is when we combine mild stimulation of the vulva through clothing with rocking motion while we meditate, by pressing her heel gently against her genital and rocking while she’s meditating,” Madsen explained, for anyone who’s game enough to try this at home.
Madsen says it’s the extra rush of dopamine and oxytocin that can boost a woman’s sex drive throughout the day: “Meditation has a similar response to the brain as orgasm. When we teach women how to combine female arousal with techniques like lotus lift meditation, they get this extra boost of dopamine and oxytocin in their meditation.”
Obviously, a few minutes of meditation isn’t going to instantly be the key to mind-blowing orgasms, but it’s a pretty solid start. Like with anything, you need to stick with your practice to see results.”It can be hard to start a meditation practice because it seems so foreign from what we’re taught to do. But I have good news: Meditating is much simpler than we make it out to be,” Bernstein explained.
And, if your sex drive takes a really sudden nose dive, Dr Levkoff suggests seeing your doctor to find out if there’s another cause: “Low libido can also be caused by anything like socialization, education, guilt or shame, hormonal issues, medical side effects, or something called HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder),” she warned.