Manzie Report: Sp-hair Me or What Not To (Hair) Do


Hair is probably the most complicated issue of our time. Perhaps second to universal health care, but still an issue of the highest, most unprecedented order. Oh, yeah, and world peace. On second thought, hair is the number one issue for mankind, and all other things follow suit. Well, admit it. You spend more time thinking about your hair than you do Obama‘s heath care plan or the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq combined. Therefore…hair wins…horrendous as that sounds.

These days with regards to hairstyles…everything goes, but someone needs to be the voice of reason to prove that, in fact, everything does NOT go. Guys, this is a guide to “What Not To (Hair) Do” at the risk of saying “Sp-hair Me.”

Bit of history: The whole hair mess started with Sampson and Delilah. He was all about his full head of thick, wavy, shiny hair. But Delilah had thin, fly-away, limp hair and she was totally jealous. So, like the bitch she was, she cut his hair off while he was sleeping, which destroyed him and their relationship. Lesson here ladies: Do not date men with better hair than you.

Cut to: Centuries later when men wore powdered wigs to show social status and for sanitary reasons (head lice…feh). Now, if I had my druthers, I would love to reinstate that trend since A) I have to keep my hair buzzed short due to the unwanted aging process and B) Who wouldn’t want to change up their look so drastically? You women have all the fun.

From then on, America became one uptight country and men kept their hair short, and the crew cut in the 1950’s became the rage. Shortly thereafter, the 1960’s changed everything. Men didn’t need powdered wigs; they could just grow their hair as long as they wanted. (Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it.) Though men with long hair were totally hot, it took one person to put the kibosh on that look…FABIO. Since then, men pretty much do what they want with their hair, which is why I am now the self-appointed voice of reason to those who have lost their hair way.

To read more from Abe Gurko and see the worst of the worst of bad hair, head to his site