Manzie Report: Last Five Minutes of Fame

Abe

Celebrity is obscurity waiting to happen,” says Carrie Fisher in her one-woman show, Wishful Drinking, now on Broadway. And truer words have ne’er been spoken. She should know. When Andy Warhol said, “In the future everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes,” he was the Nostradamus of his day. Last Five Minutes Of Fame is a new weekly column for I MEAN..WHAT?!? that will highlight the plethora of people that fall into this category. Either their celebrity is waning, has waned, should wane, will wane, or something therein. Surely this column will be celebrity publicists’ worst nightmare…but hey…no one tells them to handle a D-Lister…or worse. The goal is to add my weekly candidates and you, the lovely viewing audience will send in your suggestions that will be posted. Deal?

Awww. The poor little babies (a.k.a tragic media whores) that think they are all that and a bag of chips by virtue of their being tracked by the tabloid news. You have to love these people for they know not who they are. Cheer up because you have been graced with the honor of being on the I MEAN…WHAT?!? LAST FIVE MINUTES OF FAME LIST. It’s a great list to be on. Many before you have been on the list and gone on to do great things, like Monica Lewinsky–need I say more?

Poor Chris Brown. What he won’t do to deal with his tragic mistakes. The Wendy Williams Show? Now, I loves me my drag divas, but you know that Chris’ people were hoping for the Today Show live performance on the Plaza. Let’s face it, The View chicks would have eaten him up and spit him out, as would Oprah.

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The sex tape debacle is sure to be the nail in this woman’s media coffin. But, then again, she’s young, blonde, and pretty so there’s a Maxim cover, Playboy spread, and The Daily Dittle cover story in her future. You’ll see.

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How about this sleaze bucket Nicole Forrester who runs to the media after some “alleged” poontang with Josh Duhamel. Fergie is thinking, “He slept with that hag? I wouldn’t have touched her with a ten-foot pole.” PS…There will be no Maxim cover, Playboy spread, or The Daily Dittle cover story in her future.

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Yes, Emmy Rossum is pretty but she’d never do the aforementioned photo spreads. That said, what has she done besides Phantom of the Opera (which bombed), record a single (which I never heard), and prance around on a lot of red carpet events? Oh, and date Adam Duritz, the me-yes-kait (Yiddish for no beauty). See ya.

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Oy vey, Jay. Leno banked on changing the free world. And in the end, there’s no changing that or bad TV especially if your ammunition is more bad (if not worse) TV.

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Birds of a feather, Jon Gosselin and Levi Johnston, both famous for their penises. One that worked eight times, the other one time and he is about to unveil it in Playgirl.

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Tinsley, Tinsley, Tinsley. Just because you have a reality show does not mean that you have to stoop to the lowest common denominator…Mr. Penis Himself. Can we say Tinsley Mortified rather than Mortimer?

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Toodles Lou “Lou Beans” Dobb. If you go to Fox-TV, wear a hazmat suit. And exactly who cleans your house?

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