The Man Repeller Leandra Medine’s Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions (One Involves Learning To Cook)

Blair Pfander

medinethumbnail The Man Repeller Leandra Medines Top 5 New Years Resolutions (One Involves Learning To Cook)As Leandra Medine wisely points out on her blog, The Man Repeller: “Has anyone in the history of pacts-made-with-self actually started to use the gym more regularly, or put aside tax money, or vowed to quit drinking—and subsequently drunk-texting—for any period that extends beyond, I don’t know, January 6th, insert new year here?”
Still, the blogger is making a few manageable commitments for the new year, starting with a pesky brow-picking habit. Here, she shares with us her top five “small steps for humanity and myself” that she plans to take in 2013.
1. I Will Expand My Cooking Capabilities Beyond Eggs Over Easy. “But ultimately only to eggs over Yeezy, in which I fry eggs on Kanye West’s face, while we discuss parenting in the 21st century.”
2. I Will Stop Picking My Eyebrows. “I don’t have co-workers as gracious as Lena Dunham’s Girls character, Hannah, to pencil mine in, should they completely—which they might—dissolve.”
3. I Will Purchase At Least 100,000 Copies of My Book of Essays. “Set to release next September, single-handedly turning it into the most successful artificial best seller in the history of literature.”
4. I Will Wax More Often. “Which is actually a resolution to sustain my marriage.”
5. I Will Donate. “Finally, for real, I will donate as much money as I spend on shoes to cancer research because I’ve had it up to here—my hands are pointing at the top of my head—with untimely death.”
What are you New Year’s resolutions? Share with us in the comments!