10 Quickest Ways To Turn A Guy Off
Photo: iStock.com
1. Changing your relationship status on Facebook after the first date
I am not lying when I tell you this has happened to me. The first date went well (we were all over each other) and we definitely drank more than our fair share of wine. I was definitely excited for the next date. The next day, I got a very interesting notification in my mini-feed saying, Sharon is no longer single. I didnt call her for that second date
2. Only ordering salads when we go out on dates
Dont be that girl! Youre not a rabbit youre a human. By all means, order a salad as your starter, but there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows how to chow down. Im not telling you to lick your fingers clean at the end of your meal, Im just telling you to eat like a normal person! A girl who has eating issues is a red flag, and something that wed rather not get involved with.
Photo: iStock.com
3. Bad manicure (or lack thereof)
Im going to go ahead and say that its worth it to spring for a pampering session. Though you might think we dont notice, chipped nail polish or chewed down nails can be a quick turn-off. It tells us that you dont care. I was on a date with a girl who seemed to have given herself a manicure while driving on a bumpy road. I meanreally?! I dont mean to be that guy, but it just wasnt cute.
4. Career-Obsessed
Nothing sucks the excitement out of a relationship more quickly than when Im wining and dining my lady and she whips out her iPhone so she can promptly answer emails from her boss. Im all for a woman who works hard and enjoys what she does, but theres a time and place for it and its not when Im trying to look into her eyes over a candlelit dinner.
5. Body hair
Men are bestial creatures. Weve been hairy since adolescence and are forced to shave every morning if we dont want to look like a hobo. One of the most refreshing things about a woman is how smooth she is. Dont ruin this fantasy for us. Shave your legs and underarms, take care of any awkward facial hair you may have, and groom your nether regions!
6. Baby-talk
Dont resort to a baby voice to try and get something you want out of us. Im not dating a 5-year-old, but a mature woman. Sometimes little girls use this tactic when they want extra spending cash at the mall. Im not your dad. If you are missing something from me in a relationship, then tell me in your real voice and be confident dont cover it up because youre scared about what my answer might be.
7. Deodorant issues
Of course you look stunning in your little black dress, and I certainly appreciate your classic choice, BUT before you leave the house, make sure your deodorant hasnt rubbed off on your sleeves. There is nothing worse than being distracted by a girls pits or those accumulated clumps of deodorant on your underarms. I know its hard to prevent, but be mindful of it before you leave the house!
Watch where you swipe that thing! Photo: iStock.com
8. Don talk about your problems
Everybody has them its just part of the human condition. Save it. Dont dote on them and make them the only topic of conversation, seeking my advice or approval. If youre having problems with your family, your ex, your hygieneits just kind of a deal breaker. Im out with you and trying to get to know the best you possible, so bringing unpleasant skeletons out of your closet leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
9. Dont forget your manners
One of my main rules as a man is classic chivalry. If I invite a woman out for dinner or drinks, I always pay, pull out her chair, and help her with her coat. Its how I was raised. Dont forget to say a simple thank you. It lets me know that you were raised with good manners and that you appreciate me. When a woman feels entitled to any sort of special treatment, it tells me that she is just a mean-spirited person. Manners are a must!
10. Only talk about yourself
Dont forget that there are two people in a conversation. I listened so that I could score a first date, and because I was generally interested. Once youre out on a date, I want to know that youre also interested in getting to know more about me. Sometimes, in the nervousness of the moment its easy to forget to reciprocate questions. Be mindful of it.
What do you think of these big no nos? Let us know in the comments below!
Richard Easton is NYCs premier personal matchmaker. For more information on how to submit yourself for consideration into the club, please visit his site.
Related: How To Turn Your BF Into A Fianc
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very refreshing to hear all of this from a guys perspective!
I love the comment about baby talk because it is one of my biggest pet peeves!! the same goes for guys because I also HATE when guys use baby voices (definitely has happened to me before).
Would it be a no-no to print out this list and bring it on a date?
This is a great date prep list, and, honestly, all of them are basic respect and image issues (it’s a little disconcerting that anyone needs to be told about clumpy deodorant, but such is the world we live in). And indeed, excellent explication of the body hair concern, though on the west coast (where I’ve lived on occasion) some women are into the hobo look. Either way, a measure of any matchmaker is how well they understand intersexual dynamics, and this article is both a keeper and an indicator of Easton’s savvy in that realm. His website is definitely worth a look.
You know the people that write this kind of crap are always single right?
Don’t agree with 5. Hair is natural. I like hairy women.
Great pieces of advice, especially 10. Nothing worse than having a date that doesn’t ask questions. Thanks for the post Richard.
this is a good list. i think it covers all the basics and it’s true but some of the things aren’t easy fixes.. my boyfriend gets on me for not eating enough all the time. i know he doesn’t like it and it makes him feel uncomfortable, but it’s also awkward for me too because i don’t want him to think i eat too much or I’m getting fat. it’s a self conscious thing. other then that everything else is a no brainer
i really liked the advice but how do you know when he’s the right one?
Re: #9: Methinks Mr. Easton should do a little reading up on why “chivalry” is not a positive for many women.
Moreover, men who carry on being “chivalrous” if the other person (almost always a woman) isn’t into it, or explicitly objects, is a power play. Insisting it is good manners and anyone who doesn’t want to play along is unmannerly is the gender equivalent of pushing a vegetarian to eat meat. Whether you agree with their perspective or not, it’s rude. It shows a lack of respect.
Patronising. As you’d expect from someone who always pays, pulls out chairs, and opens doors.
I’m a woman who likes to at least take turns at paying (otherwise I feel under some sort of obligation), I’m perfectly capable of pulling out my own chair, and if I’m closest to the door I’ll open it for my date – that’s just good manners in my book.
Body hair? Each to his or her own. We women get really sick of men who are hairy beasts at times. Try getting your arms and legs and “nether regions” waxed to give a girl a treat. And see how you like it. The only people who are not naturally hairy are under the age of twelve. If that’s what you really fancy, you have problems.
Manicures? Good Lord. What’s wrong with clean, neatly trimmed fingernails? Dirt and chipped polish are a no no, but a manicure will do nothing for badly bitten nails.
Salads? Well, I hate having salads when I go out, but some people LIKE salads. And some people do have weight problems. You think a girl who’s struggling with her weight should eat nothing for a couple of days just so she can eat lots on a date?
this article is a condescending piece of shit. What is wrong with only eating salads? From what I hear from men around me, all they want is a victoria’s secret model and they aren’t exactly ordering steaks! Answering emails from the boss is a turnoff?Deodarant issues? Are you for real? The expectations set forth here are so high that I wouldn’t be surprised if the writer is the one “striking out”.
Ugh.
i like the comment ordering only salads so funny coz i did that when i have my first date,,i love to eat salad!but he did not turn off of what i did,he pay it with a big smile,,,,
I would like to comment on your ideals on dating I can truly identify with everything you said I like that your approach your thoughts you should teach some of the men I dated those lesson keep up the good work if that’s how you truly feel.
To the people who are offended, and/or think it was a stupid article: The title was about “turn-offs” and why a girl might be “striking out”. It wasn’t all about how to act on a perfect date. It’s a general list of what might be getting in the way of a positive relationship in Richard’s opinion. That’s all…
This article is overall o.k., but some things in it are a little offensive. Women already worry about most of those things enough already. I find it a bit harsh. If I want a dinner sized salad, I order it. I’ve found in my experience that they don’t really care. It has chicken on it. Get over it! And let go of the chipped nail polish issue… on the first date it won’t be but after a while it may be. Not many men know how hard it is to keep it on after one day. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this article makes it sound like men just have to show up with the money and they’re off the hook.
this article is direspectful and instead should be entitiled “how to groom yourself and act in order to be wined and dined by a controlling douch bag”. how can you ecpect all women to eat the same way and not have pressing issues in their life that they wish to discuss with others? and the only people who have a perfectly manicured/hairless body 24/7 are girls with job who spend all day caring what guys like you think. maybe you should complete your little “grooming chronicles 101” and speak on all the gross/annoying shit guys do that are a turn off- it’ll be a longer list than 10 I promise.
Women, please share relevant, positive info, not to kill the silence in a room. LADIES, SILENCE IS OK SOMETIMES! MEN DON’T LIKE IRRELEVANT NEGATIVE CHATTER!
men do not notice sexy nightgowns trust me my husband likes me looking like i didn’t put my thought into it .
Wow..you couldn’t of said it any better.
What woman actually uses baby talk on a date with someone that she barely knows? That is so not classy!I’m a 28 year old woman but I have never done this ever! I don’t even think I ever did it at all even in a long term relationship. Would get the laugh of a lifetime to see a woman really do it! LOL
Wow, in my experience men are usually the ones that can’t stop talking about themselves. Maybe that’s why they don’t seem to notice what I ordered for dinner. This list is for those seeking a fling, not a real relationship.
I basically like these comments although, unfortunately, I cannot eat very much so a salad is usually all that I CAN eat! And I like for a man to be a gentleman as it tells me so much about him, and I think that a woman should care about her manicure and shaving her legs, etc., and her appearance as it tells so much about her, too. And he is not saying that all women are like the ones who talk too much or talk about their problems or uses their IPhone. He is just telling women that it is rude and thoughtless to do that! The same goes for men as my current boyfriend uses his cell phone too much even though I have told him that this is unacceptable and rude. He has gotten better, but he is addicted to it! BUT THIS IS AN ARTICLE FOR WOMEN TO LEARN THE QUICKEST THINGS THAT TURN A GUY OFF! NOW I AGREE THAT AN ARTICLE SHOULD BE WRITTEN TO TELL GUYS WHAT TURNS WOMEN OFF THE MOST! It all should be fundamental mannrs and courtesy, but this society has either not been taught them or they do not care. It is a sad commentary on our times!
most of this was pretty basic and accurate. I only have a beef with the “salads” and eatting comment. If you guys want a tv perfect girl bod how do you think that is achieved? It is impossible to go to dinner and have one glass of wine (8oz is 140 calories and who has one?), skip the appetizer and the salad, then eat all of the entree’ (potatoes/starch restaurant size without butter/sour cream 200 calories), veggies, 50 cal,roll with 1tsp butter 200cal, 8oz steak,850cal (this is considered small in most restaurants) and not be having too many calories unless she ate plain dry oatmeal for breakfast(110 cal) and a lean cuisine under 300 cal the entire day! This is assuming you’re not eatting anything “fattening”. Which way do you want it guys???
Criticizing what someone orders to eat is shallow. I love salads and am at a point in my life where sometimes a salad is the only thing that tastes good to me. If a guy didn’t ask me out again because I ordered a salad, he doesn’t deserve my company. Having a good relationship can be a matter of common sense in being respectful in conversation, appearance and demeanor. I think this article is pretty much a waste of print. I’m recently widowed. If this is the way people judge each other now, I’m probably better off single.
Have you ever took into account that the person you dated status changed because the date with you may have convinced her to begin a relationship with someone else, or that you werent worth ruining a health conscious decision to eat a salad, she may want to keep her health goals for things that occur after you. Maybe a date with someone else. Study how you may be sriking out. Sound like you have some problems yourself.
This article is too much gloss. In the long run the relationship wont be this walk on broken glass. Be yourself, each party is just as nervous.
I like how all the men who are commenting are either in total agreement or have one or two things that could be changed, and most of the women are disgusted. Richard Easton is spot on with most of these, so pay attention ladies (and don’t forget to wax/shave your arm hair)
No wonder there are so many shallow relationships these days. With aweful advice like this given so freely from a shallow man who probably has never had a meaningful relationship. Do you know what it means to truly get to know someone for who they are inside, not the way they look on the outside or what they eat? Why don’t you look up Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich and learn some real relationship skills.
I can understand the first dates and whatnot but you are making it out to be something over the edge. I mean yes class is always a key to a woman and man but what about when things go right and later down the road you stay over, it sounds like you would be one to set an alarm and wake up to get ready for the day adn leave the room to go make breakfast while she realizes you aren’t there and gets ready to becasue she smells the food, but what if she goes out in her nightwear? disapointing? relax and have a little bit of natural fun with out having so many expectations okay? try that really? I mean when a girl does all the things you named wrong right, just think of how bland and dry she might be. BORING! its good to take care of yourselves ladies but do it on your own account, not because you think think this is what all guys are like, because they aren’t. and i know that you, Richard won’t respond to this and thats okay with me, no one likes put downs on who they are, im sure you don’t either but it’s not good to let your viewers go neglected is it? i dare you! tell me your input on this and a few other ones that aren’t as thrilled of this piece?
Good luck finding most anybody that is not into talking on and on about just themselves and their interests, probs and so forth. People seem to be very hungup on themselves nowdays and it is highly irritating to me as I am a person who takes alot of interest in OTHERS….so I expect them to take SOME interest in ME to at least pretend they care about me and my life. Too often I find too many selfish ppl of both sexes. I make a point to drop those ppl from my future involvements whether romantic or platonic. Who needs a totally absorbed friend, etc.? Not me. I seem to attract alot of ppl in both categories and it is probably becuz I politely listen to them talk on and on and I AM genuinely interested in what they have to say and make comments. Maybe I should just excuse myself from them at the first hint that they are not equally interested in me or my life.
Some chick on here was actually insulted that this guy always pays, opens doors for his dates and pulls out their chair for them at the table….and all he wants in return is a mannerly thank you…..say WHAT!!??? Hello??? This is just being a GENTLEMAN….or have you never met one of those before? My date can always pay for my way, and I will love it. Ditto for the chair pulls and door openings for me….all of which would make me feel like a princess. Trouble with guys today is too many out there want the girl to always pay and they never even think of doing mannerly things to show they respect her. If I was a guy who dated a girl who was insulted by my manners, that would be the last time she ever had the pleasure of MY company again.
Profitable lesson. I’m enlightened,so glad.
However, i know men who love hairy women how about that?
Hephzibah Eyitayo
A lot of girls were offended, not surprised. Try reading an article written by a gal who has a list of DEMANDS for men, they’re everywhere, in every vapid, superficial, pretentious magazine for young females. These demands are more vain and superficial than the ones listed in this article. There is one major turnoff on any date: having to witness an insecure, mindless, pathetic drone stare into a screen on a phone for life’s answers and eternal happiness.
Finally– a list that includes “stop being negative!” I have the urge to complain about men (and women!) who complain about stuff all the time…but then, that would be me…(Catch 22)complaining about them!…Just to say– I agree with number 8! as in… “…you seemed interesting until..you spent the last 10 minutes complaining about your last girlfriend/boss/date…I’m bored, and I’m out. I don’t even watch the news anymore…for that reason 🙂 Signed, no more Debbie Downers
Julia….is your name Debbie??? as in Downer? if you are not single…you should be as soon as your partner reads your negative rude comment!
feeling it
If more men would stop rejecting women over their dress size, then more women would be eating “like a normal person” when out on dates. Spare me the double standard, please. If you’re NOT one of those guys…please educate your shallow friends on how sexy curves are instead of feeding into the size 0 obsession! (I’m a size 4 at 5′ 6″, btw, and living in Cali I’ve actually been told my butt is too big. So salads it is. I’m dealing with it from your point of view…so you can deal with it from ours, too.)
I think all this stuff is pretty cool for girls out there to use, and I love how he wrote this! It’s realllll nice with the guy comments :0D
WOW!! Lot of the comments on here are just plain mean. But I do see some of their points. On the whole “don’t eat a salad” thing – a guy should consider a couple things: 1) if you took us to a restuarant we’ve never been before, we know salad is a safe bet off the menu. I really don’t want to have to force down some awful food, just because I couldn’t order a salad…2) she might be so nervous she doesn’t want to eat very much, and again, a salad is a safe bet. Plus, we girls eliminate anything off the menu that can be messy or difficult to eat. Once we do that, a salad might be the only thing left that’s appealing.
And note to guys (just my personal opinion) – you can tell a lot by how fast and how much the girl is eating. Good date/we’re interested = slow eating, not eating very much (we’re actually more interested in you than our plate of food) OR bad date/get me the HELL out of here = fast eating and eating a lot (we don’t really care about what you’re saying, the food is more interesting, and we want to get the heck out of there).
BULL SHIT
By grooming pubic hair, do you mean just a bikini line trim or a completely shaven hootchie? It’s important to know what men think!
learned alot haha ty!(:
I’m a woman in a long-term, sucessful, committed relationship with a great career. I’m reading a lot of the angry comments below and I see long arguments against the points made by the author. Guess what? If you can get so worked up over an article (that’s meant to entertain more than anything) you’re probably scaring away people in your life. The negativity and the anger might be the primary reason you’re single, not clumpy deodorant. This article was merely trying to give some reasons as to why your date didn’t work. Obviously, the writer wasn’t there and doesn’t know why your date, specifically, didn’t work. I would be angry if I made a special date and my boyfriend kept checking email. I wouldn’t be turned on if my boyfriend had dirty fingernails or clumpy deodorant. Order the salad if it’s good; that will never turn anyone off. But if you only order a side salad because you think you’re fat, then that will turn your date off. Do you like being around insecure people who don’t present themselves well or are self-centered? I didn’t think so.
those are really good tips but i have too say some are obvious like deodorant haha
Really – they don’t make a woman that perfect. And, I’d venture to guess the guys that want this kind of woman don’t even think of offering up the same type of concern in a relationship. Real people have real problems, they aren’t all glitz, glamour, and happy-go-lucky lives with no work and no problems. Good hygiene is important, but get real with all the nails done, every hair in place BS. I’m not a mannequin and don’t want a guy who is one either.
Erica Davis — EXACTLY
James – I think I’m in love! 🙂
wao, i read an inspiring advice for i just met a particular problem n i think i got da solution 2 it.thank u
I appreciate knowing what turns off normal men. We women can be very self-righteous, as evidenced in these comments. If us gals convened and created a list of what our turn-offs are, it would not read like a philosophy textbook. I can guarantee that.
THANK YOU, THAT WAS VERY INTERESTING…..AND VERY GOOD INFORMATION FOR FUTURE MATING GOALS………
There is so much double standard in this it is not even funny. I eat salads because I like them, and yes I’m trying to lose weight, and yes I’m insecure but maybe thats because guys want models not real women. I’m getting married in two months, to a person that does not care what I eat, wants to listen to my problems as I listen to his, help me through them, give me happiness when I need them the most. I dont polish my nails because it would chip while I helping him set up for a show(he is a musician) I don’t tell you what to eat how to dress or that 5 pounds of body spray and hair gel you have in STINKS!!!!!!
I loved these its diffently true for # 8&9. I once Forgot to say thank you for something a date gave me and he stright up told me we wouldent be seeing eachother again due to my manners. I really did forget he was jumping in his car right away so he dident hear my thank you. He was a class a jerk anyway.
where do men get off all the wanted is sex and no more then that.
(Please don’t post the following.) Richard, to start, I’m a first time reader and new fan. I wouldn’t normally comment, just enjoy. However, while this may look rude, my intention is that you can see my homage for your work. Ironically, under your section titled ‘Don’t talk about your problems’ the following section stated:
I’m out with you and trying to get to know the best you possible, so bringing unpleasant skeletons out of your closet leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
Instead, could you have meant a pithy phrase, such as, ‘the best you possess’?
Hopefully this comment can be viewed as bittersweet.
Bottom line, I think people should relax and be themselves. However I know we all have our pet peeves and look for certain things on our date and if we find it good and if something is lacking then they’re is more fish in the sea! It’s why we call it dating, it’s nothing at all like I thought it would be but I’m enjoying life until I do find that special someone.
I enjoyed the article. It is ONE MAN’S opinion. No need to get up in arms. Generally speaking he is probably right. I know because I am divorced. Why? Because of some of the traits mentioned in the article. Oh yes the Baby Voices, not the grooming. Being European, he didn’t like the grooming. So take the article and tailor it to your life. Lighten up, then you WILL find love.
I can understand now how I made my husband upset. I always had a problem. Mostly with him. Perhaps I could have done better myself??????? We are divorcing. Maybe I will do better on the next guy?
I did all of these things and my boyfriend of 10 years: he and I are no longer together. My heart is broken, but I’ll be alright in about 3-4 months. Ladies, if your man has a job, treats you like a queen, and wants to spend money and time with you, he’s a keeper.
thanks sent more its very interesting.
give me a BREAK! Misogynist much? Ladies, if a man is turned off by you, then it’s probably never gonna work. If he doesn’t love you for missing a stray chin hair or having a little garden under your nails or three day growth then prepare for a really boring life of maintaining a “pretty picture” and forget ever being seen and loved for who you are…
I really agree with this its awesome! I’ve witnessed some obvious first dates while out to dinner and some of the girls are either rude snotty or just oblivious!! i love that you’re honest about the annoying little things and know how to treat a date its awesome! keep up the great writing!
girls Ride your 4-wheelers, eat what you want. chipped nails, messy hair. some men love that, shows you are more in to them. Take care of yourselfs but live life. Hey Ol Dude if you weren’t so picky you might get a life. Go girls get some strawberrys and whip cream and don’t forget to say HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
this article is bull! i’m a meat lover myself but sometimes i’m not hungry so i’ll order a chiken salad, and i f he dosent like me for my food choice then i’m out! and if he dosent care enough to here about my problems once in a while then fine by me. he dosent have to see my face either! and if i only talk about myself then 1) i look like i’m big headed and 2) i wanna hear and get to know the guy 2! and changing my status! if ur on a date with him, dosent that consider him ur boyfriend! ecpecially if he says ” I can’t wait ’till friday” or whatever. and this comment
“maybe you should complete your little “grooming chronicles 101″ and speak on all the gross/annoying shit guys do that are a turn off- it’ll be a longer list than 10 I promise.”
i totally agree with u. this article is a piece of crap!
I think this article is somewhat shallow in thought. I can see it’s possible utility as something that displays personal pet peeves of the author, or as a quick-guide type thing about FIRST date no-nos(and so be it if it is intended to be either of those things, but the title and subtitle indicate generalization as opposed to his individual opinion don’t reference the level or stage or dating at all, though number 10 glazes over it), but not too far beyond that it becomes useless, picky and in reference to numbers 3, 5, and 7 sexist. I can agree that number 1 could be construed as a creepy or desperate (and therefore emotional immature) action; 2 could be a signal of some body image problems; 4 and 6 irritating and or immature; and 9 and 10 would just be rude. However, numbers 3, 5, and 7 are regurgitations of what the media and history have told women that they should look like. Women nor men have any obligation to traditionally (meaning in the manner deemed socially acceptable and how one should) groom themselves beyond what they see fit or enjoy. 7 is just ridiculous to me. I mean, deodorant stains? That’s just trivial and petty. Would you really judge someone that harshly? If anyone does, then I’d bet that person cares more about physical beauty than character. Yes, Easton does mention things which point to what a person might be like on the inside, but I can’t see why something as simply as deodorant could be an issue, unless the person doesn’t wear it all and that’s not okay with you lol. Lastly, number 8 could be a deal breaker on date one or two, but to insist that a person essentially be perfect: “If you’re having problems with your family, your ex, your hygiene…it’s just kind of a deal breaker.”, then clearly you don’t care about the real, actual person underneath.
Wow. Thanks for the common sense! No wonder you’re the “premiere” matchmaker in NYC. Amazing.
Finally a man has stood up and pointed out to these so called ladies that there is more to a date than what they can get out of it. I would love to have an intelligent conversation with a man…and manners, mine are impeccable, it is the way I was brought up and just the way I am..I haven’t lost the art of appreciation. Sometimes I find it embarassing to be with my friends who seem like its their right to be waited on and there is not one thank you from anyone of them…sorry ladies, it’s a privelage. Then they sit around and wonder where all the good men have gone..well according to this article far,far from them. Now I know why I’m still single..guilty by association..
very interesting hearing the guys point of view. im married and it’s funny how the baby talk really don’t get you want you what you want,,,usually it turns into something you didn’t want…like a griping spouse…lol
1. That is so funny!!! Ha, that is a whole new breed of crazy.
2. If a woman has eating problems, you shouldn’t worry about it on the first date. As long as she doesn’t look aneorexic, then she has probably been taking care of it long enough that you don’t need to worry about it.
3. Ok, we shouldn’t be expected to have a manicure all the time. It is one thing to have clean nails, it is another if they have nail polish, with a style, are perfectly trimmed. We are not perfect, last time I checked neither are you. So stop expecting us to be.
4. Yea, that is kinda rude to pull a phone out during a date.
5. Understandable, to an extent. We aren’t going to shave our legs everyday, because our legs only show fully when we wear shorts or skirts/dresses, and last time I checked, girls love to wear jeans.
6. Ha,ha, never seen that.
7. No, really, who hasn’t gotten that by now? Were you just trying to get 10 topics so it could be a 10 list instead of a 09?
8. Acceptable: “Oh, dang,the coffee machine isn’t working” – ‘is there anything I can do to help?’ – “yea, do you think you could help me with it?”. Unacceptable: “oh, (sniffle), my grandma just died”- ‘sorry?’. Big problems-not ok, little ones are fine.
9. Girls can open doors, IDK about paying, and girls can worry about their own chairs. If you want to be courteous, fine, but don’t expect us to not be.
10. Duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH!!!
It is a matter of intelligence. experience and personal choices that lead to appropriate manners, communication skills and a preferences regarding the attention to detail a manacured appearance requires. It is unlikely that a woman would deviate too far in either direction over nite. Nothing wrong with expectations, but the comments reflect a lack of character on the male view. It is far reaching to imagine that a woman would reduce her image, ethic and communication skills from impressive to opressive over a short period of time. Bottom line is, you haven’t actually experienced a date that presented these ‘imperfections’, you are most likely stating what ‘you’ feel is important as criteria for dating. So say that. Your comments are not gender specific, they’re relaterd to culture and lifestyle. I find it hard to believe you could be so far off in your assessment of someone you are planning to spend personal time with. Furthermore, your comments’ on advoiding ‘turning off’ your date are superficial and uninteresting. It would be shocking to hear a man comment on a woman’s intelligence, sense of humor, courage and sensitivity. If you can find a person that makes you laugh, is trustworthy and interested in you, it may be worth your while to nurture that. Anyone can be manacured.
I kind of figured these out on my own over the years. Though, I’ve never thought about the career or deodorant issues. Of course, I don’t want deodorant all over my clothes but I never thought to keep a check on whether it clumps or not during the evening. Thanks for the tips.
Thought I might offer an alternative male perspective.
1 and 2) Yes, straight forward enough though neither are deal breakers. It would be cause to freak out if she changed her facebook to say she was in a relationship with you, but simply removing her ‘single’ status is a compliment, even if it’s a little early.
3) Any guy who cares about whether you ‘chip your nail polish’ is either a) American or b) gay (these are not mutually exclusive).
4) No, this isn’t an issue. It would bother me more if a woman had absolutely no plans for what she wanted to do with her life.
5) Meh. Not a deal-breaker. Richard need to grow up a little.
6) Agreed. This is both freaky and unlikeable.
7) Really? You find yourself ‘distracted by deodorant marks’ quite a lot when you’re on a date? See (3): American or homosexual.
8) Unlike Richard, apparently, I like complexity. Your problems are interesting, they make you a person. Don’t go crazy on them but don’t behave like one of the Stepford Wives either.
9) This tells you more about Richard than anything else; he does engage in ‘acts of chivalry’ but only so he can receive praise as validation; not because he’s concerned with good etiquette or because it’s habitual. This tells me he’s a ‘mean spirited person’. If you are looking out for a thank you when you hold the door open you are doing something wrong.
10) I guess. Not that many women have Asperger’s Syndrome though so it’s unlikely to be that much of an issue. I’ve got to say the ‘reciprocal questions’ format sounds like the recipe for a pretty dull conversation; “but enough about my workplace, tell me about yours”. If I were in the business of programming androids this is how I’d have them converse.
Caveat emptor – Richard is not all men and seems to have an unrealistic, parochial and dainty.
Gina F, you’d be perfectly right if the assumption that you were working on was perfectly right, which is: none of that is true about women. If none of that is true about women, then yes it would be offensive. But in my experience, and moreover, in the experience of all my female acquaintances it IS true about women. All tho none of them (nor myself I would say) do not find this truth of being the best role of one to confide to as good listeners a weakness, nor do they (even I) find this truth of understanding the aesthetic advantage they have of easily having their attractiveness enhanced w/shaved hair (an advantage that is not “availably” effective for men) as a weakness. These women understand what you call a weakness as a strength, and through them I can easily see what their open healthy minds see, for these proud and mature women have no fear, only the will do to love. Unless your original assumption referred to at the beginning is correct, you may have not yet at all engaged with your female role since you fearfully see it’s traits as weakness’s. But I DO agree w/your reaction Gina F, because of HOW this article actually describes the tips as if these qualities of women WERE a weakness. The tips are TRUE most likely, but it describes that probable truth in a bad light I think. So, I say; probably follow these tips for sure since they prolly emphasize all the strengths of a female role, even tho the article doesn’t know how to interpret it well (let alone compliment it).
thanks rich but u really need 2 let us womens know dat you’ll mens r not about sex or trying 2 always get in our pants!!!!!! dat way we ladies feel dat we might feel beter bout ourself!!!!! like me!!!!!! soooo email me
Apparently this guy lives in Manhatten and not in the real world where women have to work for a living and not spend all day pulling out every body hair, having manicures and practicing how to have conversations with men on dates. Some men like real women with real bodies, real problems, real jobs and REAL fingernails.
I once dated I guy who had a list like this. Obnoxious…
This piece is condescending- feels like a tool to groom women with low self-esteem for victimization by controlling douche-bags.
Telling a woman she can’t eat just a salad is still telling a woman what to eat. I’ve never allowed men to order for me and I’m sure as hell not about to start now.
Sorry Mr. Easton, you are “that guy.”
I agree with the comment that this article is for people seeking a fling not a relationship. When you truly love someone and have a real connection none of that petty bullshit matters. Some people in the world have real problems and do have issues and dont fucking care what the other person is eating or if they have a litte clump of deoderant on their shirt. Richard Easton sound like a faggot..oops sorry if i offended anyone. But he should date a gay man and have anal sex i think he would like it. OK yeah that was ignorant get the fuck over it. Bottom line…these are the opinions of “Richard Easton” whoever the fuck that is and why does anyone give a fuck what he thinks unless they’re trying to fuck him? I’ve broiken every single one of those rules as a woman and I don’t have any problems finding dates or having deep, meaningful relationships. But I guess everyone has a different opinion of what’s important in life. I personally like to swim in the deep end.
Wow, thx for the recommendations 🙂 Tell you what, I hate when men pay the bill… But now I believe I should let them go ahead! (Though my mind still says “nooo!”) And the baby talk – I hate it when girls start to baby talk; it reall is irritating. But I still see some silly men kinda enjoy it – hope I’m mistaken 😉
number 6 s the best
number6
#4 #here are career obsessed men too. #6 Then OMG the baby talk from some guys too. Not your kid so don’t talk to me like I was one! and #5 Hairy men is a deff turn off for me. I don’t like being hairy so why would I want to date someone who looks like sasquatch or chubacca.
#4 #here are career obsessed men too. #6 Then OMG the baby talk from some guys too. Not your kid so don’t talk to me like I was one! and #5 Hairy men is a deff turn off for me. I don’t like being hairy so why would I want to date someone who looks like sasquatch or chubacca.#10 many of the guys i’ve recently met loves it when i talk about myself, but I do also ask questions about them because, like as you said,there are two people, and i do want to know everything about them.
It’s nice to know that someone else, besides myself, notices these things. I do realize I’m female and notice just about EVERYTHING, but I started to wonder how men weren’t noticing these kinds of things. Thanks for throwing it out there for the oblivious!
don’t forget about fatness. probably the #1 turnoff of all. hit that treadmill ladies.
about the hair thing you guys should learn how to shave down there to and back hair is a complete turn off
Hey, you forgot ‘women who take calls/talk on their cell phones on a date’–even if its a short phone conversation…as a woman, i even wonder ‘what is she thinking–how rude of her’ when i see another woman out with a man and she takes a call/is on her cell phone during her date…manners dictate that your cell phone should be off at all times during the date…mine is always is…otherwise if i was a guy i wouldn’t want to date me if i talked on my cell phone during the date…that common sense rule would seem obvious but apparently some women don’t have common sense.
Hey, you forgot ‘women who take calls/talk on their cell phones on a date’–even if its a short phone conversation…as a woman, i even wonder ‘what is she thinking–how rude of her’ when i see another woman out with a man and she takes a call/is on her cell phone during her date…manners dictate that your cell phone should be off at all times during the date…mine is always is…otherwise if i was a guy i wouldn’t want to date me if i talked on my cell phone during the date…that common sense rule would seem obvious but apparently some women don’t have common sense.
i have ben fal in love wt 1guy, i am so much in love wt him n treat him as my husband, wil do anythin for him never think abt others but he just ingnore me n wil never botherd abt me wen ever i need him…Why he is doin this? wen i ask he said work presure n wen the time he is workin wil thin k abt work oni no bdy else…Is tht a rite answer? I am confuse…What i shld do? Plz help me thanks…waithng for you reply
Let’s add #11. No self esteem. I hear that a woman with no self esteem is the number 1 turn off for a guy
someof these points are a bit self centred like demanding that the lady has to mind her manners i mean she could say thank you at the end of the date. and most of these points are basically saying if you want to keep a guy you better do as he asks or says but lets ask ourselves ladies, do men do as we say? you expect to find certain things on a date but at the end of the day what you get is what you accept or throw out the window just dont expect to get what you want all the time. the ladies are only human
what the hell? nails? yum hell no. if hes that much of a pretenious jackass to care about my nails when i dont then hes a waste of time and i should have to be THAT high matinece for a guy
umm so if my nail polish is chipped or theres a smudge of deodorant on my clothes a guy wont ask for a second date?? hahah ookay buh bye i dont care about people like you…
I personally don’t like to eat salad as an entree, but I am also lucky to have a metabolism that allows me to chow down on burgers and pizza. Not all women are so lucky. Men seem to want it both ways, a supermodel who pigs out. They need a reality check. I also take issue with the airbrushed and hairless playboy models. Who decided this was the standard we all have to live up to? Ladies, unless you are sporting a beard, give yourself a break, and don’t listen to this nonsense. I am Italian and I would be waxing 24-7 to eliminate all body hair and maintain that appearance. I have better things to do with my time, and do what I consider to be a
normal amount of hair removal. Women have a hard enough time living up to todays standards without trying to become completely hairless! I think, based on my experience, that most men are not as superficial as Mr. Easton. Lastly, I work with my hands. I am an artist. I sculpt, paint, and do metalworking. These are some of the qualities that that I (and my boyfriend) think make me sexy. A woman who knows how to weld (remember Flashdance?) I think is sexier than one who knows how to go to a salon, get waxed from head to toe, and get a mani pedi. And for the record, I am a very attractive and sexy woman who has never lacked of male attention. And I have achieved all this without trying to be a barbie doll who minds her manners, doesn’t talk about her problems, and does not care about her career. My advice is take these rules with a grain of salt. Find your passion in life and do what makes you happy. This will attract the kind men that you actually want in your life.
I also think you should put down not drinking. I want to get to know the person, not the person on alcohol, and this becomes a deal braker for me when I have dinner with someone, and they drink nearly a bottle of wine, or about 4 beers, then, they want to drive you home…no thank you.
I think everyone will find what they need in a relation if you stay yourself the way you are…(all people want to change something about others!), hair, nails done or not done,Thin,fat,short, tall, it doesnt matter if the right one connects.
Because relations are based on compromising and giving in order to recieve………….
IT IS BULLSHIT! I DID NAHT HEET HER.
I really don’t think I could date this guy if he can’t handle an ugly fingernail, a clump of deodorant or a girl who genuinely wants to eat salad.
Absolutely agree with most of those. Especially the manners thing and the baby talk. There is very few things worse than a girl with a needy voice that cant say thank you. “I’m too good” is always a deal breaker.
also agree that women are human. everybody makes mistakes especially us guys. There’s some real jerks out there, but we’re not all like that. Personally, it all ties back to weather or not a woman takes the time to impress. It goes a long way and the right kind of guys always look for it. If you take care of your self as far as a physical appearance goes, and come across as confident, polite, and not clingy there’s really nothing more attractive. If the guys smart and mature enough he’s going to want to get to know you better, and I don’t just mean for a night.
I think the ariticle had a few valid points…women should take care of themselves in every form or fashion…especially the hands…its a part of being a lady…I mean what man,would want to start at a females flithy fingernails (Uhm) I wouldn’t if I were a male…overall both parties should keep up general maintenance.
I meant (Stare)
I actually agree with this list.
1 is a sign you are dating someone who plans on calling all the shots without your input. Not only is one partner making the call about how real the relationship is, but he/she is gossiping about it to the entire world. There’s a difference between sharing how well the first date went with friends and announcing to the internet that the relationship is more than casual.
2 and 6 are bad acting to manipulate someone to get what you want by being someone you’re not. Unless you are in fact a baby who lives off of lettuce. Then by all means be true to yourself so I know to run away screaming sooner.
3, 5, 7, 9, and 10 are signs that you don’t present yourself well in public. If you can’t show off your good side for one night do you have a good side? If an interviewer can refrain from hiring someone with these flaws, why do I have to date the him/her? I’m not asking for perfection, but atleast change out of your sweat or deodorant stained clothes before arriving at a fancy resturant. But I draw the line at demanding a woman keeps her ###### looking a certain way. That’s too imtimate for a dating scene this casual. That would need to be in a permanant relationship guide instead.
4 and 8 show the person is self absorbed and are too focused on themselves to be with someone else. I’m not going to be an emotional dumping ground for issues or the third wheel on my own date. I have my own issues and boss to deal with. Wait until it IS time to update your facebook status before telling me about your deepest problems.
If you read the meanings behind the words it makes sense. I’m also assuming this is for the casual dating/### scene and not 50 year long marriages. I think that’s why this seems shallow. It is for shallow dates. Not all of us are ready to settle down with a soulmate from the first day we start dating. If you want something deeper than this, then don’t follow the guide.