The fact that you’re reading this right now—probably on your cell phone—is testament to the fact that the Internet has changed the world, but you already knew that. And while we’ve all started to take for granted that the web even exists, there was a time when—gasp!—information and entertainment were things that had to be sought out, often with some effort.
In case you’re too young to recall those dark, dark ages—or just seemed to have forgotten that you once had to use something called a land line to book an airline flight—we’ve rounded up 13 annoying things you’d have to do if the Internet didn’t exist.
1. You’d have to research stuff in a weird building.
Before Google, people actually had to find things out in a building called the library. That’s a place where books exist and old newspapers live, and you need a plastic card to enter.
2. You’d be forced to stare at your own pet for entertainment.
If the Internet didn’t exist, you’d have to watch your own cat DJ, chase its tail, or hang around the yule log at Christmas.
3. You’d have to buy an actual bird, attach a 140-character note to its wing, and send it on its way.
So much effort!
4. You’d have to pace up and down the street until someone noticed your new Céline bag.
And “liking” it would entail people saying, “hey, I like your bag!” Lame.
5. You’d have to call a restaurant if you wanted food brought to your home.
You’d also have to brush up on old-timey parlance like “Hello, I’d like to place an order for delivery.” Wait, what does that even mean?
6. You’d have to plan your dream wedding in your own brain.
Or at least with the help of labeled folders, binders, a whole bunch of checklists, and a pinboard that uses actual pins.
7. You’d have to lurk around the seedy part of town.
That’s where all the porn shops and X-rated videos stores are, duh.
8. You’d have to stalk your ex the good old-fashioned way.
By following him, by calling and hanging up, or by buying wig from the Raquel Welch wig line.
9. You’d have to hang out at Sam Goody if you ever wanted to own music.
10. You’d have to be all “wait, who’s Kim Kardashian again?”
Remember: Her real origins lie online, not on TV.
11. You’d have to think like this if you wanted a fast date:
SWF seeking BHM w/o issues, P NS. SOH a must.
12. You’d have to take time off work to scour the country’s garage sales.
How else would you track down that weird toy from when you were 5 years old.
13. You’d have to hold a lot of town hall meetings.
To tell everyone you know how much you hate Obama, how much you hate the Republicans, your views on gay people, why that article is really worth reading, how cute your baby is, why every woman by the age of 30 should own a trench coat, how fun your vacation was, how pretty a plate of cookies can look, how sucky the season finale was, how much you love avocados on toast, how blessed you’re feeling on your birthday, how you just had a sip of water, how you just spent $2,000 on a handbag, that you discovered 532 ways to wear a pair of boyfriend jeans, and how you literally can’t believe it’s only Tuesday.