Justin Bieber Grabs Himself in Suggestive Instaselfie

It’s official: Justin Bieber is on a rampage. In the latest of a string of stunts we’re just going to start calling “pulling a Bieber,” JB posted a selfie last night from what looks to be his bedroom, naked but for a pair of dark blue Calvin Klein boxer briefs, grabbing his crotch. “mycalvins,” he captioned the post. Indeed.

Let’s review. A month ago, the Biebs got matching face tattoos with BFF Joe Termini—tiny crosses under their left eyes, of course, probably in homage to Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes (TLC forever). A week later, he was spotted wandering shoeless through Boston, feeding a squirrel and somehow avoiding errant shards of broken glass. Two weeks ago, the pop star announced he would no longer pose with fans, asserting, “I feel like a zoo animal, and I wanna be able to keep my sanity.” A week ago, he broke that proclamation by posing with a baby lion cub who was clearly a fan.

Five days ago, after performing at the Billboard Music Awards, the confused star took to Instagram to denounce award shows. Then he joined a ragtag band of Lost Boys to leave it all behind for a spontaneous beach camping extravaganza, which segued into an afternoon of Jet Skis and sunburn. After all the fun in the sun, he took superhottie Nicola Peltz on a date to Mastro’s Steakhouse, because that is where you take a girl to really impress her. And now—mostly-naked bedroom selfie, complete with crotch-grab.

Maybe he hasn’t heard from Peltz since their Wednesday date. You know how it is: It’s been two days since your date, Friday night rolls around, you’re freshly out of the shower, two giant fluffy white towels are on the floor behind you, you’re in your walk-in closet that inexplicably includes what looks to be a wine fridge and a some sort of Darth Vader-y motorcycle helmet, and you have to pause and take a selfie. In your underwear. Holding yourself. Just another Friday night.

Or maybe he was flipping through Peltz’s Instagram yesterday afternoon, and noticed she’d posted a very suggestive photo of a pair of super pillowy lips, seemingly caught mid-make out sesh (“TGIF”), and he couldn’t help but post his own salacious pic, because 21-year-olds communicate primarily via Instagram. Since this shot was the meat in a triple-selfie Instagram sandwich, that seems most plausible. More soon, we’re sure.

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