The year is 2004. I’m sitting in a pedicure chair (bowl: empty; shoes: on) and waiting for my mom to finish up work at her nail salon so she can take my fifth grade ass home. In this smartphone-less world, I’m flipping through one of those relics of the early aughts, one of those—how you say—magazines and just drooling over photos of celebrities in Juicy Couture tracksuits, wishing with all my elementary school might that I may someday get to wear the sacred velour sweatsuit. Fifteen years later, that wish comes true.
First off, yeah, 15 years is a damn long time, and my love for the Juicy Couture tracksuit has certainly fluctuated during that decade and a half—but my tiny, prepubescent dreams never did die. I was going to wear that velour tracksuit one day, goddammit—and I was gonna look hot as hell in it, too.
Maybe not 2004-hot—you know, the super-bedazzled, low-rise pants; oversized sunglasses with the gradient tinted lenses; and orange spray tan kind of hot? Don’t lie, you know what I’m talking about. No, when Juicy Couture tracksuits appeared again on my radar in 2019, I knew the hotness that holy velour matching set would bestow upon me would have to be of this time. I had to look 2019-hot. I had to not let Juicy Couture down.
Call it a challenge, or just call it reviving an iconic and nostalgic trend—making the Juicy Couture tracksuit happen again in the year 2019 sounded like a herculean feat that only a true fashion demigod could accomplish. And while I definitely could never consider myself a fashion demigod (I step out in a pair of tube socks and Birkenstock sandals quite frequently), I took on the challenge of making this early 2000s trend work for present day anyway. Because I’m ambitious like that.
Scroll through to see how I styled Juicy Couture tracksuits—and please, please, please feel free to @ Paris Hilton with this. My fifth grade self would just melt.
I know it comes in a set, but you absolutely don’t have to wear it as a matching set. Sorry, friend. Sorry, Jane’s mom who believes with all her heart that Juicy Couture tracksuits should never be separated. I did it anyway.
Here, I’m wearing a fun, sheer top that’s often reserved for nights out, if not just for the regular ol’ office workday (JUST KIDDING). Pulled that over a red satin bra that matched my Juicy sweatpants ever so perfectly.
And then to add just a touch of something, I wore a pair of dainty pearl earrings. This look screams HOT! COOL! ELEGANT! FUN! And ARE WE CHILLIN’ OR ARE WE GOING OUT? All at the same time! I may be confused as to where the hell I’m going in this outfit, but at least I look hot as heck—and that’s all my fifth grade self ever wanted (that and a My Password Journal).
This second outfit makes a lot more sense, I’ll admit. Again, I separated the Juicy tracksuit (oh, I have sinned!) and just wore the zip-up jacket over a matching leopard set from Sandy Liang.
This gives me casual ‘n’ cool date night vibes, when really I was just at home. Drinking red wine by myself. Cheers!
I decided to skip out on the jewelry (except for my trusty pair of Lili Claspe pearl earrings) and just let the super-bedazzled Juicy jacket take center stage. Honestly, with its pink glitter and gold embroidery, the back of this jacket ain’t only ridickalusss, it’s also worthy of making a statement all on its own.
I wore the bottoms from this vintage Juicy Couture tracksuit in what I’d like to call my most stylish athleisure outfit to date. I mean, just look at that Wilson knit top. I don’t even play tennis!!! But I look like I know what to do with a racket and neon tennis balls hurdling at my face at 40 mph!!!!!! SPORTY.
I could’ve gone with any old T-shirt, but the thickness of this knit and its pure sporty nature pair well with these off-duty sweatpants. Also, peep that iconic JUICY butt. And dry elbow (I don’t want to talk about it).
Top: Juicy Couture | Bottoms: Juicy Couture
For the final look, I had to wear the Juicy Couture tracksuit as it was originally intended to be worn: as a set and proudly. This baby blue velour sweatsuit is just too good not to. As the saying goes, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Catch me in this ensemble, complete with my Motorola RAZR flip phone and Louis Vuitton multi pouchette. The early 2000s called, and they want you to stop hatin’.
(Also, look at this incredible photo of both me and my dog doing the Victoria Beckham Leg Pose. I always knew he was a star.)