‘Hunger Games’: Coming To A Mall Near You

Summer K

Ah mall tours — it’s like a flashback to the days when you could rub shoulders with the cast of Glee, or catch your favorite pop princess shoveling a hot pretzel in her mouth. Yes, the idea of parading soon-to-be stars into the waiting arms of America’s suburban masses is nothing new. But what happens when you unleash the next Twilight on your local food court? Mass hysteria WILL ensue.

The cast of Hunger Games will be hitting a mall near you starting March 3, but will it be all that you hoped for and more? Sure, sure, you’ll maybe get a pic of the cast (surrounded by body guards) and a chance to snag an autograph (elegantly pre-stamped to ensure timely delivery), but at what cost? Thousands of screaming teenage girls? Obnoxious adult fans desperately clutching their Hunger Games books while shoving you out of the way for a better view? Or perhaps the inevitable stampede that will make the local news and leave you battered and bruised.

No, my friend. We say stay home and be grateful that you’re alive. This is a three-part movie, which means your chances of running into a cast member at The Grove in L.A. or your local Starbucks in the East Village is slightly better than waiting ten hours in the freezing cold for a mere glimpse of the next Bella, Edward and Jacob. Besides, what if the movie sucks? Better to wait it out than face the wrath of a 13-year-old with an obsessive need to meet Liam Hemsworth at all costs.