Let’s get real. Even with sex being so in our face, and with technology to help us along, some folks still get a little tongue tied when it comes to talking dirty. Our iPhones want us to write “I want you to DUCK me!” (Seriously, phone, are you ducking kidding me?!) And who hasn’t been at a loss for a reply when asked by a partner what we want them to do? It’s a fine line between sexy, sultry, and cheesy ’80s porn commentator.
So let’s go over a few things to help you go down in the annals (two N‘s, thank you) as a pro smut talker—even if you’re brand new at it.
Start with Texting
Sexting is great all the time, but especially when you are new to the game. It gives you a chance to reread and edit before you hit send. Bonus points for sending sexy pictures to illustrate your point. It can also be reused as masturbatory material later when you go back and reread it. One caveat: Make sure your receiver’s name is nowhere near your mom, dad, or kid in your contact list. Some things you just can’t unsend.
Fill in the ______
When you’re first starting out, go slow. Narrating what’s going on during sex with simple statements is a great place to start. Some examples:
I love when you _______.
It feels SO good when you _______.
I am so ________.
You make me ________.
These are all easy ways to begin, and you don’t even have to be incredibly explicit, unless you find it comes easily.
Find Your Favorites
We need a sexual thesaurus! In the meantime, make your own in your head by thinking of adjectives and sex terms that you love. Read (good) erotica for inspiration. You can get comfortable with these by reading out loud or engaging in dirty talk by yourself as you are masturbating. Many people find they have trigger words and phrases that become their instant turn-on.
Ramp It Up
Now take your game to a new level. Use your words to make promises or request sexual favors.
I want you to _______ my ________.
Can I put my ______ in your _______?
Do you like it slow? (Slow down)
Do you like it like this? (Change technique)
This is a little more involved than before, and it encourages a specific response from your partner, like, “I want you to kiss my lips softly,” or even, “I want you to spank my ass hard.”
Embody Consent Always
Even when fantasizing, be mindful of the comfort of the person on the receiving end. Invite them, ask questions, ask permission, and don’t demand. Always give them a graceful way out. If you or a partner brings up something in bed during dirty talk and it doesn’t go over well, let it go.
Let Your Tongue Slip
There will be times when you’re so turned on that there may be a slight disconnect between your brain and your mouth. I have told lovers to suck my cock (I am not a penis owner), and I’ve said wrong words more times than I can count. My advice? Just let it go. Giggling is fine, but move on. If you’re laughing hysterically at their blunder and they aren’t, they might get embarrassed and hold back in the future.
And above all: Have fun. These are just tips to get you started. With practice, you’ll find your dirty-talk sweet spot.