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I once took a trip to New York City to meet up with the man of my dreams (who I’d met there a few months earlier). He was handsome, smart—quietly confident in a way I found irresistibly sexy. And I was smitten. But a few days into my trip, things fell irreparably apart. Heartbreak set in; feeling emotionally raw and absolutely alone in a new city, I found myself openly sobbing in front of the M&M store in Times Square. In the past, this kind of emotional turmoil would’ve sent me face-first into a box of donuts or cheap wine (or let’s be honest—both), but instead, I reached for my phone and called a clairvoyant. Figuring out how to get over a breakup is never easy, I thought, so why not give energy healing a try?
In the wake of a breakup—or any kind of heartbreak, really—it can be hard to know what to do or where to turn. How do you make the tears stop? How do you get your ex out of your head? How do you simply move on? There is, of course, no right way to do this kind of thing—no clear path, no roadmap. Other facets of life offer step-by-step solutions, but breakups don’t. Getting over heartbreak isn’t a matter of crossing things off some kind of emotional to-do list; it’s hard work, and every single breakup brings new memories to mourn, new tears to shed, new questions to ponder. So why not try every breakup recovery method at your disposal? At worst, the method won’t work—and you’re left where you were to begin with. At best, you mind find something that gets you a little closer to where you want to be.
The expert I reached out to, Courtney Taylor, is a psychic who uses a combination of crystal therapy and spirit guides to help shift your energy while she speaks to you on the phone. “Energy is everything,” Taylor tells me. “People underestimate the power of it, but energy work is important in every area of our lives—especially our relationship space.” During our 30-minute conversation, Taylor walked me through a variety of different visualization techniques before prescribing two crystals to help me rebalance my energy—rose quartz and black tourmaline. I can’t explain exactly how Taylor works her magic—whether it’s legitimate, or simply a matter of placebo—but I left our conversation feeling lighter and more peaceful. And even brief moments of calm like that are too reassuring in the wake of a breakup to pass up.
1. Figuratively slam the door in your ex’s face
“People can sense your energy. You don’t want to hover over someone—especially when you’re trying to get them back,” Taylor says. “One, you’re not doing your personal work. And two, it’s not good for the dynamic of the relationship.” In other words, you need to cut the energy cord.
Taylor encourages people to close their eyes, visualize the other person, and then imagine slamming a door in their face. Each time, slam the door harder. “People always say to me: That actually works. It feels so vicious but I like it!” she adds.
2. Write a letter you never plan to send
Energy shifts happen when you acknowledge feelings and release them. Taylor’s suggestion: Write the other person a letter. “I want you to say everything you need to as if you were right in front of this person,” she says. “Then I want you to re-read the letter as much you can. When it doesn’t feel so painful anymore—that’s when you know you’ve made the shift.”
Whether it’s the person who broke your heart or the coworker who keeps stealing your lunch, this process works for all different kinds of relationships, Taylor says.
3. Surround yourself with gentle, protective crystals
Crystal therapy is a huge part of energy work. First things first: Visit a brick-and-mortar store, walk around and see what crystals you’re drawn to. “Pick it up. Hold it. Feel it,” she says. If you’re not sure which crystals would work best for you, Taylor suggests doing a self check-in and asking yourself, “What am I feeling right now? Where does this hurt?” You can use those insights (and the internet) to determine which crystals you’ll find the most soothing at a given moment in time.
When prescribing crystals post-breakup, Taylor says, “I definitely wouldn’t give them a clear quartz or anything too strong, because it would be too much.” Crystals with “lighter, softer vibrations” are a better move—so something like amethyst, or moonstone, or rose quartz. This means embracing crystals like amethyst, moonstone, and rose quartz. “Amethyst helps rebalance your energy levels,” Taylor says. “It’s also really important that we love ourselves. Rose quartz will give you that.”
If replaying the breakup is keeping you up at night, Taylor suggests putting a piece of healing Selenite near your bed. This high vibration stone may settle your energy and help you calm down when you’re feeling panicked or hyper.
4. Or, empower yourself with Carnelian
Anyone embroiled in a breakup is likely trying to rebalance themselves—to simply get their feet on the ground, Taylor says. Carnelian can help with this. “It gives you an energy boost and that feeling like you’re invincible,” Taylor says. So if you’re working up the nerve to return that box of stuff your ex left at your apartment, Carnelian may instill in you the courage and motivation you’ve been trying to summon.
5. Have faith in the process
Lastly, trust that the universe has your back. “People are sometimes scared to cut energy cords, because they don’t want it to mean that they can’t get the other person back,” Taylor says. But you need to put yourself first. And remember, “You’re always going to be in the place that you need to be,” she says.