Hey, it happens! Sometimes things start to get hot and heavy, but before everyone is out of the gate, it’s… too late. Although it’s a little flattering when it happens occasionally, consistent premature ejaculation can add stress and embarrassment to a relationship. So if you’re on the receiving end of premature ejaculation, what should you do?
First, recognize that true PE (premature ejaculation) is, by definition, the inability to penetrate for longer than a few strokes, up to a full minute. Yes, we’ve all watched porn where the swordsman maintains a rock-hard erection for hours, but that’s movie magic. Plus, those guys are trained professionals who may also use performance-enhancing drugs.
Before you classify your experience as PE, you may want to ask yourself if you simply need to adjust your expectations. Your partner may want to talk to a doctor about possible causes and rule out anything serious. (I won’t lecture you—just do it.) Now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about ways that you can deal with this together.
Lower the Pressure
If it’s already happened, chances are your partner may feel some degree of bad. If orgasm is your goal, encourage them to pleasure you (orally, with fingers or toys) while waiting to see if there may be a round two. This is time they can focus on you without worrying if they’re going to come early, and this may put them in a different head space.
Edging, or delaying orgasm, is a great tool to use to help your partner identify when they’re close to that “point of no return,” and practice is key here. This can be done together or separately. It’s simple: Your partner masturbates until right before climax and then stops. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Do the Squeeze Technique
Once the point right before climax is found, you can (or they) can try the squeeze technique, employing it when they feel ejaculation is about to happen. With the thumb on the top and the first and middle fingers on the bottom of the penis, squeeze the head until the feeling subsides. This is an exercise that may start while masturbating, but can carry on to penetrative sex.
If you aren’t already using them, condoms can be an option for taking the sensitivity down a notch. Another choice is finding a delay cream that works for you—look for one with about a 5 percent benzocaine. When rubbed into the head and/or shaft, after five to 10 minutes it isn’t visible or transferable—so it won’t numb anything it isn’t supposed to.
See a Professional
Finally, if you give it time and effort, and you’re still not satisfied with how long sex is lasting, I encourage you and your partner to go back to your doctor and talk about whether a pill may be a good option. There are so many different choices out there today, you’ll find something that works for your body and your needs.
Even with all these solid points, my biggest recommendation is to be easygoing and keep as much pressure as possible off the situation. Intimacy has so many outcomes and possibilities—it doesn’t have to be like a movie to be magical.