Most doctors agree that the bedroom should be reserved for two things, and two things only: Sleep and sex. But let’s get real—most of us use our sleeping space for things like Netflix watching and scrolling through Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and Facebook as soon as we wake up and right before we go to bed. Turns out, your seemingly innocent social media obsession can really eff up your sex life without you even realizing it.
According to Elisabeth Mandel, a Manhattan-based sex and relationship expert, the relationship we develop with our phones are so powerful, that it can actually take away from the intimacy you should have with your partner. Whether you’re foregoing some basic QT after work or you’re missing the chance for a little pre-sleep nookie because you’re busy finding the perfect filter for your #latergram, “a lot of intimacy gets lost that way,” Mandel said. “Your phone becomes like a drug—an easy excuse for people to escape or avoid conversation.”
Okay fair, but is there really a way in today’s tech-addled world to resist the urge to check your iPhone during your bedroom hours?
Mandel suggests couples who are too glued to their screens instead of each other should set up very real boundaries. If your partner is the offender? Talk it out and tell your partner that you feel there’s a legit problem. Who knows? They might think they’re not doing anything wrong.
“People sometimes lose sense of how much they’re using their phones,” she said, which can cause crazy amounts of resentment and passive aggressive behavior that would make even Siri cringe.
If you’re the one glued to Snapchat 24/7? Try turning off your phone when you’re doing the deed to avoid hearing any sort of alerts (points if you also can do this while you’re spending some good quality time together that doesn’t involve sex) or put it in a drawer. “What’s really going to happen if you take a break for an hour? The world won’t end,” Mandel says.
If your partner actually reaches for their phone during sex? While Mandel said it’s not a deal breaker, per se, it’s definitely not okay unless you’ve both agreed to use his phone to take a sexy selfie or watch some, ahem, adult entertainment.
Mandel recommends leaving the room and telling your partner, “’Look, you’ve chosen to turn to your phone instead of me so I’m going to give you your time, come back to me when you’re ready.’”
Odds are, the message will be received loud and clear, even though you didn’t send it through your phone.