Everyone has a silhouette, cut, or color that just doesn’t suit them. For some women, it’s shades of pink, while others would rather wear a sack than be seen in a bodycon dress. My sartorial pain point: jeans, one of the most-loved items in fashion history.
My aversion to the humble jean dates back to my early teen years, when everyone was buying the same pair of Sass & Bide skinnies. Back in Australia, it’s the only thing a 13-year-old girl wants more than a puppy or her own cell phone.
Eventually, my birthday rolled around, and I was finally given said pair of jeans. I excitedly unwrapped them, proudly pulled them on, turned to face the mirror, and … blanched—I looked terrible. Worse than terrible. I looked like an overstuffed sausage spilling out of its $200 casing.
It’s not that I was overweight as a teen—I wasn’t—but I am pear-shaped, and I instantly knew skinny jeans just weren’t made for me. Hopeful that another silhouette could serve me better, I’ve experimented as denim trends have changed. Expensive brands, cheap jeans, boyfriend cuts, ripped styles, flares—I’ve tried, and inevitably tossed, them all.
There’s something about the way denim hugs your curves that (literally) doesn’t sit well with me. I will concede that jeans are comfortable, but to someone who routinely walks to work in high heels, that’s not exactly a major priority.
At this point, it’s inconsequential whether I actually look terrible in jeans—now, it’s more about how they make me feel: unattractive, masculine, boring, and lacking in confidence. So when the weather starts to drop this winter, don’t expect me to pull on a pair of baggy jeans—instead, you’ll find me layering a dress over wool tights, or slipping into a much sleeker pair of black leather pants. I’ll never be a jeans-and-a-tee kind of girl, and I’m perfectly OK with that.
Me again, trying my luck with boyfriend jeans. (Photo: Tiffany Hagler-Geard)