Today, Kimberly “Kim” Noel Kardashian Humphries turns 31. It always weirds me out that people whose careers are launched from sex tapes and party appearances don’t stay 25 forever. Alas, we all grow up eventually and the Armenian princess, who once donned a Burberry bikini before she had some “quality time” with a ferocious Ray J, is now a married lady who rarely steps out of the house without a Birkin bag and $2,500,000 worth of diamonds.
I’m proud of my girl. Not only does she work her (famous) ass off, she seems relatively normal for all of the outrageous media attention she receives. That doesn’t mean she hasn’t made some tragic fashion choices over the years. Let’s take a look back at some of her biggest faux pas and her greatest successes, shall we? Check out the gallery above, and let me know your thoughts.
My ultimate conclusion is that Kim needs to keep it simple. She can throw together a killer ensemble of pricey basics and accessorize the sh*t out of them with her drool-worthy handbag and shoe collection. On the red carpet, she needs to play it a little safer. And for the love of all that is holy, no one-shoulder Grecian inspired items. Please, Kimmy! For me!
Now this is truly a tragedy. Naturally, Kim wore this to a club event she was hosting in Vegas. The Kardashians and Vegas are practically synonymous, and KK's Sin City red carpet presence is always defined by a crap load of gold. Consensus? NO.
Awww! Look at her all cute and pudgy! This is clearly before she got a case of "famous bod" and probably still ate at Carl's Jr. Anyway, laid back, casual Kim is adorable in layers. Also, you know at this point in her life, that Balenciaga bag was a big deal. Now it is probably used as a pee pad for Kris Humphries' obnoxious dogs.
Kim's Emmy Awards outfit in 2010 was frustrating for me. I love Marchesa, but the whole Grecian inspired look doesn't really work on her. She was trying way too hard and needed to stick to her comfort zone. I'm not saying she needs to be in a bandage dress and six inch Loubs, but come on.
Now THIS is how she should do black tie. Glamorous, elegant, and most importantly, simple. Accentuate your curves without showing off too much.
Now, here you can tell that this is about the time when Kimmy traded in her lowly Platinum card for an AmEx Centurion. Girl just looks like money. She has clearly said sayonara to non-designer basics and appears to have just bought out Bergdorf Goodman. While those leggings are a bit trashy, I'm willing to bet you could buy a used Hyundai for a similar price.
In the same vein as the last photo, this is the new Kimmy. Birkin bag, Loub thigh-highs, and beige and black: her go-to look for a casual night out.
Ugh, this is a debacle. First of all, blind people would know that those shoes clash horribly. She's been working this Dynasty type look when she's out in New York recently, and it's not working. Also, she needs to leave the updos to Kourtney.
No, NO, NOOOOOO! I'm guessing this leopard ensemble is from her Sears line, so I understand that she has to wear it, but I just...I just can't.
This look at the 2011 Angel Ball doesn't do anything for me. Of course, her skin looks radiant and she looks like a princess as usual, but sometimes she sells herself short on the red carpet, don't you think?
The good old days. Kim in a tracksuit with a Louis Vuitton bag tooling around an airport with Paris Hilton. Look how far we've come!