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Maybe it’s the fact that, as a single girl currently social distancing in her parents’ home, I’ve been celibate all of quarantine, but I’m honestly thisclose to ordering Gwyneth Paltrow’s new orgasm candle from Goop. Is that wild? I mean, I wasn’t enticed by her first vagina-scented wax masterpiece, but this one definitely has my attention. It seems more…exciting? It probably smells a lot better, too. Right?
I mean, I have multiple different NARS beauty products in their iconic shimmery peachy-pink shade, “Orgasm,” so is a candle bearing the same name such a bold concept? Granted, the candle is actually called This Smells Like My Orgasm, so it’s a little different. Paltrow and Goop are launching said candle after the success of the This Smells Like My Vagina candle back in January.
It was the kind of thing you made a joke on Twitter about, jokingly placed an order because you “had to see what the hype was about,” and then became low-key obsessed with lighting on the daily. The actual scent was a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, cedar absolutes, Damask rose and ambrette seed, so it was honestly pretty wonderful. I’ve never gone out of the way to smell my own lower region, but I have a feeling there is no hint of Damask rose.
The new girl on the block, This Smells Like My Orgasm, has notes of tart grapefruit, neroli, ripe cassis berries, gunpowder tea and Turkish rose for a scent that’s described as “sexy, surprising and wildly addictive.” Sex does have a certain scent to it, and I guess I’d describe it as all of these things, right? Once again, I guess I’ll be jokingly placing an order to find out.
And guess what? I’m not the only one that’s curious. The Vagina candle sold out quite quickly when it first dropped, so as of now, the Orgasm candle is currently available only for pre-order. If you’re desperate for a sexy candle scent to hold you over until Goop’s ships out, read on for a few tried-and-trues below, all of which cost a fraction of Goop’s $75 price tag. I can’t guarantee they smell exactly like your orgasm, but lighting them on a date night at home will definitely help set the mood.
1. Love Potion
Brooklyn Candle Studio’s Love Potion is a must-light when trying to set the mood on a cozy night in. Notes of jasmine blossoms, lavender and mandarin probably smell a little, um, fresher than an orgasm, but it’s still good.
2. Mahogany Teakwood
I have always said Bath & Body Works’ Mahogany Teakwood scent is reminiscent of the hot men Abercrombie used to pay to stand shirtless outside their stores. I stand by this statement. Consider this the unofficial boyfriend candle.
3. Love + Passion
For a very literal interpretation, pick up this Chesapeake Bay Love + Passion Candle. What do love and passion smell like, you ask? Grapefruit and mango. Obviously, this love was formed at a tiki bar.
Otherland’s Chandelier is the ultimate classy-sexy candle, with notes of champagne, saffron and leather. Otherland, please make this as your very first cologne, too. This is the kind of sexy scent I’d want my partner to smell like 24/7.
5. Ignite Massage Candle
Nothing is sexier than a massage, and this Kama Sutra Ignite Massage Candle burns its wax into a warm, moisturizing oil you can use while giving your partner a rub-down (or receiving one!).
6. Sexy Man
Honestly, I never thought I’d buy a candle called Sexy Man, but I also never thought a candle called This Smells Like My Orgasm would exist, and here we are.
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