Gwyneth Paltrow has gotten a lot of flack for things she has said over the years. She uses Goop, her lifestyle website, as a literal platform for these slightly off-the-beaten-bath ideas. There was the time she went on the record about how water has feelings. (I mean, maybe?) There was the seven-day detox. There was the guide to yawning (you’re yawning all wrong!).
And now, we have a guide to anal sex. Thanks, G. You’ve always got our backs. (Pun intended, sorry.)
In a post titled, “Reality Check: Anal Sex,” there are such gems as, “Understand that the way you see anal sex portrayed in porn is about as real as how they drive cars in the The Fast and the Furious” and, “The two sets of sphincter muscles that nature placed around the opening of the anus are there for one thing: to help humans to maintain their dignity when in crowded spaces (to keep poop from dropping out).”
Well, thank you, Gwyneth Paltrow.
The post was written by a psychoanalyst and researcher named Paul Joannides—not Paltrow herself. There’s also an actual disclaimer, which reads, “The views expressed in this article intend to highlight alternative studies and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of goop.” Got it. Well, if you were looking for a somewhat out-there, very Goop guide to anal sex, now you have it. You’re welcome.