7 Ways Sex Pros Keep Things Fresh In the Bedroom

Naked couple

As a sex reporter, I’ve gotten plenty of excellent advice from sex experts on all kinds of topics, ranging from what rules to set before having a threesome to how to pull off the elusive nipplegasm (yep, that’s a thing). But one thing I’ve never asked — and always wanted to — during all these conversations over coffee, phone, email, and Skype is: “What secret sex tricks do YOU use that you haven’t mentioned here?”

Well, I finally got my answers—and they don’t disappoint. Some you may have heard before, but they’re all insightful and intriguing because they’re the moves the sex professionals actually use, which, in my opinion, gives them an extra dose of street (sheet?) cred. Find out seven of their best ones, below.

Make Foreplay an All-Day Thing

“A lot of people think of sex as a linear equation: kissing, foreplay, intercourse, then straight to bed. Well I’m here to tell you that the best foreplay lasts ALL DAY. I try to keep things sizzling between encounters. It could be something as simple as a long, deep, full-body kiss before going to work, or a racy text during lunch. The more specific, the better. I like to explain what I’ll be wearing and what I’d like to do to my partner when I walk in the door, so we’re both primed and closer to action.” –Emily Morse, Ph.D., sexologist and host of Sex with Emily

Let the World Fall Away

“When it comes to sex, alter your perspective so that it’s not just a continuation of your long, chore-filled day, but an alternate — and much more pleasurable, sensual — reality. There’s no faster way of killing the mood than getting lost in your everyday anxiety or worries, but falling into passion carries you out of your everyday experience. So let go and let your sexy self surprise you.”  Wendy Strgar, loveologist and sex educator, author of Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy

Stay Engaged in Your Separate Lives

“I make sure I remain an interesting person by being fully engaged with the world so there’s always some new conversation with my partner. This keeps me passionate and is by far the most attractive part about me: my passion for life and my work.” –Dr. Eve, clinical sexologist and couple’s therapist, author of the bestselling book Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction
and host of the #CyberInfidelity podcast

MORE: 8 Sex Positions for Lazy Mornings

Be Liberal With Lube

“I always joke that you can never be too rich, or have too much lube. Well, the lube part is actually true. It’s so frustrating that there’s still such a stigma attached to using lubricant. People tend to think that if you use lube, it means there’s a problem. What people don’t understand is that a woman’s wetness doesn’t indicate arousal level. The fact is, using extra lubricant enhances your sexual enjoyment, reduces pain during sex, and increases the probability that you’ll reach orgasm. I mean, who doesn’t want that? I personally like Jo Natural Love Organics because it mimics my natural lubrication,and is completely sex toy-safe. I actually carry it in my bag on dates, too—shhh.” –Morse

Play With Sexy Scents

“When I’m tired or low on hormonal drive, I use aphrodisiac scents to stir my memories of great sex. Our olfactory is the gateway sense for our memory, emotions, and sexual arousal. Whatever scents turn you on, use them to wake up your sexy feels. Works for me every time.” –Strgar 

Talk It Out

“Sexual communication is the lifeblood of my relationship, and my husband and I are very intentional about each other and our intimacy. We put enormous value on our emotional connection and value all aspects of the sexual experience beyond just sex, penetration or performance. Foreplay, massages, physical closeness fantasy and tenderness and power exchange in intimacy allows us to embrace the erotic, while also being very vocal and sharing our own wants and desires, and having the ability to listen and meet each other’s needs. We continue to be responsible for our own sexual needs and when issues arise, it’s never just my issue to solve or my husband’s, but rather a relationship concern that both of us can tackle together without blame or shame. This makes everything sex-related so much better.” –Marissa Nelson, LMFT, certified sex therapist and founder of IntimacyMoons Retreats

Wear Your Sexuality on Your Sleeve

“A little restraint can be a fun element to add into your routine, but who wants to lug around handcuffs in their purse all day? As the CEO of a company that offers sex toys that double as jewelry, I always wear my gold bangle handcuffs out, because you never know when the moment might strike. They transition seamlessly from wearable everyday bracelets to handcuffs for the bedroom. There’s nothing sexier than wearing your sexuality on your sleeve.” –Polly Rodriguez, CEO of Unbound

MORE: “I Almost Died Having Sex”