Your Enneagram Can Tell You If Your Date Is Actually Your Soulmate

Your Enneagram Can Tell You If Your Date Is Actually Your Soulmate
Photo: Cierra Miller/STYLECASTER.

When you’re trying to find a new Special Someone, there are a lot of approaches you can take to determine whether or not you’re compatible. You can shake down their friends for personal details, inquire about their time of birth and turn to astrology, or consult your Enneagram number on if a love match is possible. A final option is to dig through his or her social media accounts for dirt, but honestly, you might not find much more than what books they liked when they first joined Facebook in 2008. Let’s go with the Enneagram option, shall we?

While it’s a bit more up-and-coming than the well-established Myers Briggs personality test, I personally think the Enneagram is an interesting, honest and fun way to learn more about yourself—if, like myself, you define “fun” as “being completely and thoroughly roasted,” that is. I once heard someone describe the Enneagram test as “the best way to find out how you’re broken as a person,” and to this day, no book I’ve ever read has been able to sum it up quite as accurately. A more PR-friendly way of describing the Enneagram would be that it provides a summary of the thing you need the most, and I can’t help but feel like knowing this would help me date more efficiently.

When you know yourself, you can more accurately determine the qualities you need in a partner in order to have a successful relationship. Makes sense, doesn’t it? If you’re curious, I recommend taking the Enneagram typing test and reading on to see exactly what kinds of potential-significant-others you should be swiping on.

enneagram love couple


Type 1: The Reformer

Look, you’re not going to like this, but I promise it’s the best approach. Find a partner who wants the same things as you, but who goes about pursuing them differently. This way, you’ll find someone with whom you share a lot in common, but will also be reminded that it’s possible to not do things your exact way, and still survive. Love can be a learning experience for you!

Type 2: The Helper

Your caring, people-pleasing ways make you an attractive partner to many, but it’s important to put yourself first, Helper. Look for someone who doesn’t need anything from you, and just likes having you around. The less you feel like you have to earn your partner’s affection by keeping your head on a swivel to meet their needs, the happier you’ll be. Seek out that balance! You deserve it.

Type 3: The Achiever

Look for a partner who likes you for reasons beyond your biggest accomplishments, successes and ambitions. It’ll make you feel more human to connect on an emotional level, Achiever. Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you prefer coming off as an infallible force of nature at all times, but I promise it will be worth it in the end.

Type 4: The Individualist

Work for a relationship that builds at a comfortable pace, rather than vaulting headfirst into one based on obsession and volatility. Sure, a steady-paced thing might seem boring compared to a dramatic tryst, but it also guarantees fewer tears shed by week three. What I’m saying is, while Romeo & Juliet is a romantic tale, what it’s not is a sustainable model for your next relationship.

Type 5: The Investigator

Find someone who wants to know more about the way you see things, but is willing to practice patience until you’re ready to let them in. Pay attention though, Investigator: the catch here is that you do have to let them in eventually. The good news is, you might find that you truly enjoy not having to be an island of one all the time.

enneagram couple romantic

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Type 6: The Loyalist

Security is everything to you, Loyalist, and you need a partner who understands your priorities, but also one that helps you escape your at-times-burdening anxieties. Find someone who doesn’t disparage your worries (and maybe even admits the benefits of some of them, like making sure you both get flu shots and remembering to put enough money in the meter), but who also lovingly challenges you to grow out of the fears that don’t serve you.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

Your perfect partner is someone with a healthy, low-stakes view on conflict, who can help you see that having a minor disagreement doesn’t always mean you have to flee the state. It can be fun to pretend you’ve never once made a mistake in your whole life, but abandoning a good thing isn’t necessary when the alternative is simply having one slightly-uncomfortable convo before kissing and making up. Find someone who can balance out your spontaneous, scattered vibes with a more calm, comforting energy.

Type 8: The Challenger

As Challenger, you tend to be the more dominant partner, natch. While your SO should appreciate this, you should also prioritize finding someone who shows you that there’s strength in taking care of yourself, taking things slow, and walking away from a fight every now and then. “Live fast, die young and leave behind a great-looking corpse” might be a fine motto in theory, but there’s only so many times you can use it to justify getting kicked out of karaoke. Skip the constant confrontation and enjoy yourself—and your relationship!


Type 9: The Peacemaker

Peacemaker, don’t fall into a relationship in which you are not appreciated. Your agreeable nature will attract a lot of people who like how easy-going you are, and how closely you listen to them, but you are more than just a safe place for others. Look for someone who knows and loves concrete things about you; someone who values your interests and makes sure you’re doing okay. The right person will want to really know you, and keep you safe as well.