Dear What Men Want: Recently (4 months ago, to be exact) I moved to Manhattan after graduating college and I have yet to score a date with any eligible bachelors in the city. In fact, I don’t even think I’ve given my number out once. My roommates, on the other hand, both go on dates all the time, while I end up empty-handed weekend after weekend. I’m no Gisele, but from what I’ve been told, this isn’t a question of my attractiveness. My roommates think I’m a little too picky in my choice of men (which I like to call “high standards”) and think I shut down men too fast, but even so, why are no decent men approaching me when I’m out? Is it possible that I look intimidating to men, and if so, do men only approach the easy-looking girls at bars? How can I change my attitude so that men find me more approachable without throwing myself at them? Please help, WMW!
Dear Dating-Challenged: This is a simple case of needing to open your mind. I don’t think women realize just how hard it is for the average guy to walk up to a complete stranger and try to strike up a conversation. It is exceedingly difficult to work up the courage to do that and obviously we’re not going to approach you if it seems like you might shut us down if we don’t fit every one of your personal standards.
If you are out and seem like you’re not interested in anyone, guys can pick up on that from across the room. If you’re at a bar, you should be there to have fun. Go with the attitude that you’ll talk to anyone. If you look like you’re fun and willing to have a good time, you’ll get approached. You don’t have to act like you’re easy or dress provocatively, but don’t look around the room picking out who you will talk to and who you won’t. We can tell when you feel like you’re too good for the room.
When you do finally get approached, don’t reject guys out of hand because they aren’t perfect. There’s no harm in going on a few dates with people who aren’t perfect. It’s good experience and will get you back into the swing of things. I’m not saying you should lead anyone on, but having a few first dates that aren’t with the man of your dreams won’t hurt anything.
Besides, when you get to know someone outside the confines of a bar or club you might realize you actually like them more than you originally thought possible. Hey, maybe you’ll end up being great friends and he’ll have a few buddies who are exactly what you’re looking for.
The real message here is don’t judge people before you have even had a conversation with them. If you aren’t willing to put yourself out there guys will pick up on that immediately and not waste their time.
Ryan Phillips is a 29-year-old freelance journalist. He is the founder of Rumors and Rants, one of the top sports blogs on the internet. He and four friends write much longer, more incoherent posts there.
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