The Chris Martin Guide to Wooing Famous Blondes

Cady Lang

In news that’ll surprise approximately nobody, pallid rocker Chris Martin (who most recently made the very wise decision to let Beyoncé headline join his Super Bowl show) was spotted getting cozy with another icy blonde—actress Heather Graham on the beach in Malibu—confirming the fact that Martin has a very, very specific type. Let’s examine:

Celebrities attend 25th annual Environmental Media Awards at Warner Brother Studios Lot. Featuring: Gwyneth Paltrow Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 24 Oct 2015 Credit: Brian To/

Brian To/

He married and then consciously uncoupled from Gwyneth Paltrow, high priestess of the whippet-thin and the health-obsessed, between the years of 2003 – 2014.

Celebrities attend 88th Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood & Highland Center in Hollywood. Featuring: Jennifer Lawrence Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 28 Feb 2016 Credit: Brian To/

Brian To/

He then dated sunny blonde everywoman Jennifer Lawrence for most of 2014 and part of 2015,which is probably the best rebound in the history of rebounds.

Kylie Minogue performs at Jockey club live at Haydock races. Featuring: Kylie Minogue Where: Merseyside, United Kingdom When: 20 Jun 2015 Credit: Tim Edwards/

Tim Edwards/

He was rumored to have had a fling with Kylie Minogue in the summer of 2015.

The premiere of Grimsby at Odeon, Leicester Square Where: London, United Kingdom When: 22 Feb 2016 Credit:


And just in case we weren’t sure about his affinity for leggy towhead, he embarked on a steady dating spree with rumored boo Annabelle Wallis for the rest of 2015, up until now(presumably) .

Is Chris Martin the new Leonardo DiCaprio,  dating as many women who resemble each other as possible? Chalk one up for Chris Martin, a hero to skinny, colorless men with dreams of dating out of their league, everywhere.