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I’m a big believer in the power of education. And that’s why I’ve busy boning—so I can educate you about the wonders of couples vibrators. Gone are the days where your only options were a strap-on or phallic-shaped vibrator; today’s couples toys are far more advanced, reaching your naughty bits in ways never imagined. So if you’re looking to take your sex life up a notch or just try something new, a couples vibe might be just what the doctor ordered.
Ahead, my in-depth reviews of four of the finest couples sex toys on the market.
The We-Vibe has been around since Laura Ingalls Wilder traversed the country in her covered wagon. OK, so it hasn’t been that long, but it has been a decade since the toy was first released. Since then, Standard Innovation, the company behind the We-Vibe, has released several iterations of the vibrator. I tested the We-Vibe Match model, in particular.
The We-Vibe Match is a waterproof toy you (or your partner) can remotely control with an app. The vibe is C-shaped, with one half designed for penetration and the other half designed to rest on your clitoris. The We-Vibe Match has six different patterns and 10 different speeds, which combine to create a whopping 60 settings. A veritable buffet of vibrations, if I’ve ever encountered one.
The vibration was interesting, but not necessarily stimulating—like an episode of ‘The Bachelorette.’
Given its range, my partner J. and I were stoked to try this one out. But I struggled to figure out exactly how to use it. The arm that was supposed to rest on my clitoris was too long; it ended up resting on my bikini line, instead. After some experimentation, I decided to leave it where it was and gave J. the remote so he could play around with the vibration settings. He loved it. He really enjoyed the idea of using an app to pleasure me, and honestly, if that was the toy’s only capability, we would’ve been set.
But of course, we had more work to do. The toy wasn’t just designed for foreplay; it was designed to wear during sex, too. So, in the name of education, we did.
Using the toy during sex felt a little weird at first, but once I got used to it, I enjoyed the sensation. Worth noting, though: It’s the kind of toy you use when you want to take things slow; when we tried going faster, the toy started to feel abrasive and uncomfortable. According to J., the vibration was interesting, but not necessarily stimulating for him.
My thinking: The We-Vibe is great for foreplay, and might be great during penetrative sex if your partner’s penis or dildo of choice is on the smaller side. The We-Vibe definitely provides added tightness and stimulation, but it can feel a little in the way.
*Lesbian, gay, and hetero-friendly
If you find yourself bored by your partner’s very human fingers—or if you’re looking for a way to switch up your routine—you might enjoy the Hello Touch, a finger vibrator that looks like it belongs in some kind of robot movie. With a little help from your Hell Touch, you can enjoy the best of both worlds—the warmth of human touch and the stimulating buzz of a vibrator.
The vibrations are surprisingly strong for such a little contraption.
When J. first slipped this on, I couldn’t help but laugh (because I am childish, easily amused, and, I mean, look at it). But once I got past this toy’s robotic appearance, I was able to kick back and let him do his thing—and things actually got pretty hot.
J.’s only complaint is that his fingers were going numb from lack of circulation. (And unless you have Donald Trump-ishly small hands, you might experience the same.)
*Lesbian, gay, and hetero-friendly
When it comes to toys and vibrators, it sometimes seems like vaginas get to have all the fun. But thanks to toys like the Hot Octopuss Pulse III, penises can get in on the sex toy action, too. The interestingly named Hot Octopuss Pulse III is a “guybrator” (the company’s word, not mine) that kind of just looks like an egg. The Pulse III vibrates on both the inside and outside, making for a seriously well-rounded experience.
It was like being in high school all over again, except with no clothes on.
To use it as a couples toy, J. slipped it onto his penis, and I climbed on top of him—where all I could really do was grind. At first, I felt a little weird grinding (instead of having penetrative sex); it took me back to my high school make-out days—except this time, I didn’t have clothes on.
The Pulse III was definitely interesting, and it made for great foreplay. But when it came down to it, it didn’t really get me off.
*Gay and hetero-friendly
Prior to opening the box, my first thought about the Eva was, “Holy shit, this is going to be amazing.” The hands-free vibrator snuggly sits atop your clitoris, allowing you to engage in all kinds of activities (including penetrative sex) while wearing it. The toy sounded amazing in theory, but when I opened the package, I became a little concerned. The Eva was huge—so huge I wasn’t sure it would stay in place during sex.
When I opened the package and saw how huge it was, I was afraid.
Trying to get the Eva between my labia (vaginal “lips”) was its own challenge. And once J. and I successfully got it on, it didn’t stay put. I was disappointed. I really wanted it to work. Maybe my vulva was too small to hold the toy in place? I don’t know, but what I do know is it didn’t work for me. Bummer.
*Lesbian and hetero-friendly
A version of this article was originally published in September 2016.