The 12 Worst Things You Can Write on Your Online Dating Profile

what not to write on online-dating profile

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We’re all about online dating. It’s an incredibly proactive way to take control of your love life, and it really does work. According to a 2013 study by the National Academy of Sciences, more than a third of marriages in the United States start online, and they’re less likely to result in separation or divorce.

That said, in order to navigate the world of online dating and actually achieve success, it’s critical that you understand that the mighty profile is pretty much your ticket to meeting the types of people you want. All too often, women (and men) will fill up their profile with clichés, TMI, senseless jargon, or lame factoids that do the opposite of what they’re supposed to. To that end, we’ve compiled a list of what not to write on an online dating profile—ever.

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1. “Basically, I’m looking for my knight in shining armor.”
Hello, it’s 2015. Get over the idea that men are knights who will rescue you from your life as it stands. Only you can do that.

2. “My friends tell me I look like [insanely hot celebrity].
Even if you’re Gigi Hadid‘s long-lost twin, scrap that fact from your profile. It opens you up to unneeded comparison (“This girl claims she looks like Gigi Hadid … bahahahahaha!”), and if you really are Gigi’s doppelgänger, it won’t go unnoticed if the guy has even decent eyesight.

3 “I’m a real go-getter.”
Go get yourself a less cliché phrase then. If you’re truly ambitious, it will suffice to say “I’m hoping to [awesome accomplishment here].”

4. “LOL, lol, or lolz.
“My name is Jen, and this is my first time on this thing lol. I’m pretty chill LOL but definitely looking for a down-to-earth guy who’s not too serious lolz!!” Would you want to date this woman?

5. “I’m living the dream.”
Unless you literally just won a hundred million dollars and are writing your dating profile from a brand-new yacht, leave that one out. Going clubbing with your girls on Fridays doesn’t classify as living the dream.

6. “I’m obsessed with my cat.”
Hear that sound? It’s multitudes of men clicking the backspace arrow.

7. “I’m not into playing games.”
Because that’ll totally make game-playing douchebags think, “Oh wait, maybe I shouldn’t message this Gigi Hadid lookalike. She hates playing games.”

8. “I’m looking for someone to help me explore this crazy adventure we call life.”
That’s just cheesy.

9. “I love to laugh.”
Unless you want to attract every aspiring stand-up comic in your area, you might want to rephrase your sentiment to show you’re looking for someone with genuine wit, not an arsenal of bad jokes.

10. “I’m totally type-A, and I’m OK with that.”
Translation: I’m totally controlling, and I won’t ever change.

11. “I definitely want kids—and soon!”
Leading with the “life” things you want—a husband, kids, a cute little country cottage upstate—sounds more like you’re looking for someone to fulfill your needs then to share them with you. And even if that’s the case, there’s no need to put it in writing to a bunch of strangers.

12. “I’m [real age] but feel/look/act [much younger age].
You kind of can’t win with this one. If you’re middle-aged, it sounds desperate. If you’re in your 30s or 40s, it makes you sound insecure about your age. And if you’re 23, it’s just creepy.