Sometimes time flies (when you’re having fun), and sometimes it stands still (when you’re waiting for the subway on your way home from work). Sometimes it repeats itself (history), sometimes it has limits (SATs), and sometimes it plays tricks on you (when you meet someone for the first time but its as if you’ve known them forever). Time is just as fickle as it is valuable and so, I’m hoping that it will forget about little ole me.

See, the thing is, ideally I am going to live forever. Which is exactly what I said when I went to Elephant, a holistic pharmacy in my hometown. Riding an especially great runner’s high, I told the young hemp-wearing pharmacist that I want to conquer New York and then visit every city in the world. Ideally I am going to fall madly in love with the love of my life, climb all the mountains from Patagonia to the Himalayas, adopt ten children, and become enlightened in India. I would like to save the world from hunger and disease, all the while being the world’s best daughter, wife and mother. In other words, I am going to need a lot of time.

Without blinking an eye he said “I have just the thing.” His “thing” turned out to be Gynostemma Pentaphyllum, aka the “immortality herb” or “miracle grass” (not to be confused with that other miracle grass). It is known to help weight control, boost your immune system, relieve stress, and has even been shown to significantly reduce inhibition rates of cancer cells. Legend has it that even the first emperor of the Qin Dynasty, who conquered all of the independent states in China, drank this longevity tea constantly.

So, I have stocked up on Gynostemma Pentaphyllum tea, pills, and drops. I have also added a year-long camping trip in Montana, a second marriage, and painting classes in Italy to my To Do list.

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