Good morning, Kim Kardashian! Are you tired? Was your four-month-old child up four times in the night? Do you just need to get up and work out?
Are you wondering how I came to know these personal tidbits from your private life? It’s because you announced them on Snapchat, to me and to all of your followers. You have, like, 50 million of them, remember?
I know, you probably feel kind of embarrassed now—like, they all saw your makeup-free morning face and totally out of control bedhead. Ugh, yeah, I’ve done that too, when you make a video intended only for your closest friends and accidentally send it to everyone, and you’re totally panicking and have to acknowledge that this is, like, the danger of social media in the first place. It’s so public, you know? You just want to tell your inner circle that you’re, like, so tired, and your kid just won’t leave you alone, and it’s so hard to get up when your workout is in 15 minutes, all in your best practiced, soothing NPR voice. And now everyone knows what you look like without makeup. OMG, so embarrassing.
That’s OK, Kim. Don’t worry. You look great. You look better than anyone else I know does with makeup on. And, look, you’re such a great mom, too. Up with Saint all night long? Who’s really the saint here? Now, go get your workout clothes on, head over to your private gym with your celebrity trainer, and be sure to post a few more makeup-free #gym selfies before you forget. The kids will be fine! That’s what you have all those nannies for, remember? Congrats on losing 42 pounds, BTW.