How to Avoid the Sun All Summer Long

Christina Grasso
How to Avoid the Sun All Summer Long
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Photo: Getty/Stylecaster

So, summer officially kicked off today, and let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? I hate the sun. Hate! (Hate, hate, hate. Hate hate, hate. Double-hate. Loooooathe entirely, like the Grinch hates Christmas.) I have nothing favorable to say about that ginormous ball of flames and its incinerating tentacles of doom that are responsible for sun spots, premature aging, melanoma, and other not-good things, like various levels of general misery. But as an inhabitant of the planet earth, I, unfortunately, have to coexist with it as I do with my upstairs neighbor who only practices her step routines after midnight. Yeah, not ideal.

MORE: The 7 Best Sunscreens for Acne-Prone Skin That Won’t Break You Out

To complicate matters, I’m Sicilian and as a result tan within, like, five seconds or less. But you wouldn’t know it by looking at me, because I’ve gotten so astute at outfoxing the sun that I can do really magical things like blend in with a white wall. But it’s not magic–it’s just sun-avoidant prowess, and in the words of the great philosopher Elle Woods: “I’m like a PSA for SPF.”

MORE: Here’s Exactly How Lily Collins Gets Her Glowy, Perfect Skin

Scroll through for the contents of my Sun Avoider Starter Pack and get ready to play a three-month long game of hide and seek. Hint: it won’t find you. And yes, I’ve tried them all (except for the last one, which I’ve by no means ruled out).

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Long-Sleeved Swimsuit
Long-Sleeved Swimsuit

For when you have to go to the beach or pool but don't want to expose your delicate décolletage.

Donald Long-Sleeved Maillot, $285; at Coverswim

Photo: Coverswim
Face Mist
Face Mist

Hot tip: Keep it in the fridge for an extra refreshing spritz.

Soothing Face Mist, $18; at Glossier

Photo: Glossier

Look, I get it. You think bonnets are only for babies and the Amish. But you're wrong.

White Bonnet, $15; at Target

Photo: Target

A trusty rule of thumb when it comes to eyewear: If one lens is smaller than your face, you're cheating.

Gucci GG0148 Sunglasses, $965; at Barneys

Photo: Barneys
Very High SPF
Very High SPF

While the jury's out on whether or not SPF 110 is any better than, say, SPF 45, I figure I have nothing to lose except maybe a few sun spots that haven't appeared yet.

Age Shield Face Lotion Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 110, $12.99; at Neutrogena

Photo: Neutrogena
Misting Fan
Misting Fan

If my personal cabana boy isn't available to fan me down, this'll have to do. Bonus points if we can get it to also play The Eagles' "Hotel California" on repeat.

Breezie Battery-Operated Portable Bladeless and Soundless Misting Fan with Water Reservoir and Trigger, $12.99; at Brookstone

Photo: Brookstone

Tie it around your hair for added protection, or just hide beneath the whole damn thing.

The Savana Dance Silk Shawl, $1,100; at Hermés

Photo: Hermés
Umbrella Hat
Umbrella Hat

Not only will this here handy dandy umbrella hat keep the rays off your face and your hair color fresh, but it will also shield you from the splashes of unruly children, and Shamu.

Rainbow Umbrella Hat, $4.99; at Amazon

Photo: Amazon
Sun Gloves
Sun Gloves

Perhaps it's not something you've thought of before, but it would behoove you to wear gloves in the sun because hands are one of the biggest giveaways of premature aging.

Outdoor Research Chroma Full Sun Gloves, $35; at Rei

Photo: Rei

Yes, you'll look like an a-hole carrying this, but only to people who don't understand.

Pink Parasol Umbrella, $6.25; at Paper Lantern Store

Photo: Paper Lantern Store

If it works for the Sanderson Sisters, it works for me. Take that, sun.

The Big Book of Practical Spells: Everyday Magic That Works, $13.19; at Barnes & Noble

Photo: Barnes & Noble
Hazmat Suit
Hazmat Suit

When all else fails and you still can't get out of dodge, it may be time to consider the hazmat.

DuPont Tyvek 400 Disposable Hazmat Coverall Suit, $6.20; at PK Safety

Photo: PK Safety

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  • Long-Sleeved Swimsuit
  • Face Mist
  • Bonnet
  • Sunglasses
  • Very High SPF
  • Misting Fan
  • Scarf
  • Umbrella Hat
  • Sun Gloves
  • Parasol
  • Spellbook
  • Hazmat Suit