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We’ll be honest: one of the major reasons we’re so obsessed with Game of Thrones is because it is brilliant beauty inspiration. Week after week, we travel to this fantastic world to see what’s good in the world of braids, blush and black eyeliner.
But the best thing about Game of Thrones? The eyebrows. Forget Cara Delevingne—our anti-plucking inspiration is in King’s Landing, Dorne, Braavos and Meereen. There are some powerful eyebrows vying for the Iron Throne, so now the question is, who has the best brows in Westeros? To get you ready for the season five finale airing tonight on HBO, we created this eyebrow power ranking to find out who truly deserves to rule the Seven Kingdoms. Because in the Game of Brows, you win…or you die.
(Warning: this post contains season 5 spoilers. If you’re not caught up, don’t read beyond this point!)
28. Stannis Baratheon: The worst brows in Westeros.
We’ve defended Stannis through a lot of his questionable choices, including sending the Smokemonster from LOST to kill Hot Renly back in season 2 (we’re glad that guy is still getting work). But we CANNOT with burning little girls alive; his brows are ugly on the inside.
27. Night’s King: Army of the Undead brows.
Ok, technically these are more like frozen face wrinkles north of his eyes, but the King of the White Walkers is serving some seriously menacing brow game. And we hate to be Those People, but maybe look into Botox before marching on the Wall, dude. You want to look your best to extinguish all life in Westeros, after all.
26. Jaquen H’gar: Mentor brows.
A Man has fine, yet distinguished brows that do not compete with his luxurious hair. A Man is one of our weirder Game of Thrones crushes. A Man is mostly on this list so that we may look upon his face and be glad. Sigh.
25. The High Sparrow: Fundamentalist nightmare brows.
The High Sparrow is awarded points for the length and thickness of each individual brow hair, as well as the dramatic upward arch. But we admit: we’re kind of afraid his brows will throw us in jail for being insufficiently reverent to the Gods. Those are the brows of a fanatic; can’t you just tell?
24. Tormund Giantsbane: Ginger brows.
We love us a good beardy redhead with blonde brows. It’s a bold look, but Tormund is rocking the hell out of it.
23. Maggy the Frog: Predictive brows.
Last seen in a flashback to Cersei’s childhood, Maggy told the fortune of our favorite Queen of Cheekbones…and did so with perfectly thin, arched eyebrows and loads of smudged eyeliner. She’s really nailing the whole 90s look that’s so popular lately; way to be ahead of your time, Mags.
22. Jon Snow: Know-nothing brows.
Being the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch at perhaps its most crucial point in history takes a toll on a man, which is how we explain Jon’s relatively patchy facial hair. But we do admire his commitment to keeping his dark brows brushed up and trimmed neatly…they say he knows nothing, but he’s clearly up on his eyebrow maintenance techniques.
21. Jaime Lannister: Dad brows.
His thick, golden-blonde brows are just really devoted to his niece and nephew, okay? Nothing weird going on there at all.
20. Myrcella Baratheon: Teen rebellion brows.
GODS UNCLE JAIME, YOU ARE SO EMBARRASSING. YOU CAN’T JUST COME IN HERE, HAVE MY BOYFRIEND PUNCHED IN THE FACE AND EXPECT ME TO RUN HOME WITH YOU, EVEN IF OUR EYEBROWS DO LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU’RE NOT MY DAD. NOBODY UNDERSTAND ME, I’M GOING TO GO TEXT TRYSTAN A BUNCH OF ANGRY EMOJIS.
19. Lancel Lannister: WTF brows.
Lancel has made the classic newbie mistake: if you’re going to burn a giant religious symbol into your forehead, you need to have the bold brows to carry it off. Invest in a dark brow pencil, dude. Thank us later.
18. Drogon: Spike brows.
Not even dragons are exempt from a fierce eyebrow game. We love how Drogon has styled the scaly spines around his eyesockets to rain firey terror down upon the fighting pits; so on trend.
17. Tyrion Lannister: Probably drunk brows.
After the murder and mayhem of last season, it’s understandable that Tyrion would want to lose himself at the bottom of a bottle. Of course it took meeting Queen of our Hearts, Daenerys, to snap him out of his stupor and rekindle his love of manipulation and statesmanship. His brows, though bushy, match well with his full beard and shaggier-than-normal hair.
16. Ser Davos Seaworth: Salt and pepper brows.
Davos has the hardest job in Westeros: trying to stop Stannis from being The Worst. Who wouldn’t prefer piracy, honestly? It would turn our brows prematurely grey, too.
15. Ellaria Sand: Revenge brows.
When she’s not rocking the chicest bob in Dorne, Ellaria is out to avenge the (admittedly horrible) death of her lover, Oberyn. Her brows are bold yet understated, and it’s this elegant reserve that earns her the number 15 ranking in the Game of Brows.
14. King Tommen Baratheon: Kitten brows.
Blonde hair, super-full dark brows. He really takes after his mother. And his…uncle. Yes, nothing strange about him looking so much like his Uncle Jaime at all.
13. Olenna Tyrell: YAAAAAAS QUEEN brows.
If you’re going to have the best one-liners in Game of Thrones, you need to have power brows to match. And if yours are a little sparse? Draw those suckers right on. Olenna’s commitment to keeping her eyebrows on point, even while conspiring to have people murdered, in inspirational in all ways. Truly a woman after our own hearts.
12. Sansa Stark: This is why we need feminism brows.
Poor Sansa. As the new wife of Psycho Snow White Ramsey Bolton, her life continues to get worse. Her only consolation? Her beautiful, delicate eyebrows. Now worn darker and straighter than when she was in King’s Landing, we’re hoping they foreshadow a Snapped-type situation; Ramsey needs to GO.
11. Brienne of Tarth: Edgy brows.
We love a good bleached brow. So editorial.
10. Grey Worm: Hopelessly devoted brows.
Look, just because you’ve spent your entire life being brainwashed and tortured into becoming a stone-cold killer, it doesn’t mean that you can’t shape your eyebrows, okay? Grey Worm knows what’s up.
9. Margaery Tyrell: Instagram brows.
Queen Marg’s thin, high arched eyebrows are always supremely defined and as perfect as her hair; someone get her a pair of fake eyelashes and teach her to overdraw her lips, and she’ll be Instagram famous in a week. Unfortunately, her current incarceration means that she doesn’t have access to clean water, let alone a quality brow pencil; so although she cracks the Top Ten, Margaery is out of contention for the Iron Eyebrow Throne.
8. Daario Naharis: Swoonworthy brows.
We hear that in the book, the leader of the Second Sons and Khaleesi’s side piece has dyed blue hair, a forked beard and bright blue brows. Much as we pride ourselves on being Thrones purists, we are GLAD that nobody made this beautiful man deface his perfect, dark eyebrows in such a fashion. With brows as fine as his butt, we can see why Dany is so obsessed with him.
7. Trystane Martell: Romeo brows.
OH HEY MYRCELLA, SO I KNOW YOUR FAMILY JUST KILLED MY UNCLE AND EVERYTHING, BUT WHAT DO YOU SAY I WIGGLE THESE AMAZING EYEBROWS AT YOU AND WE GO MAKE OUT IN THE FLOATING GARDENS.
6. Nym, Obara and Tyene (the Sand Snakes): Badass brows.
These babes have some STRONG brow genetics: between mother Ellaria’s perfect shape and father Oberyn’s lush thickness, the Sand Snakes definitely have the fiercest brow game in all of Dorne.
5. Melisandre: Pyro brows.
Let’s get it out of the way: girl is NUTS. But we cannot deny the power of her amazing deep red eyebrows. The night is dark and full of terrors…and an aesthetician on call, surely.
4. Missandei: Linguist brows.
She speaks 19 languages, has the best taste in dresses across the Narrow Sea…and has legitimately incredible brows. You’d expect that the woman standing next to Daenerys Targaryen would be contractually mandated to have flawless eyebrows, but even so, Missandei’s dedication to the art of shaping is remarkable.
3. Cersei Lannister: Reversal of fortune brows.
We love her light hair and dark brow combo; pair it with Queen Mother C’s immaculate arch situation, and we’re in love. Had Cersei spent this season doing her usual scheming/drinking/banging her brother in the Capital, we’d have awarded her the #1 spot without question. But since she’s been locked in world’s grossest cell, her brows have taken an understandable—yet lamentable—turn for the unkempt. Sadly, Cersei cannot hang onto the throne in the Game of Brows.
2. Arya Stark: Valar browghulis.
Whether she’s Arya Stark, Lana the Oyster Girl or A Girl Becoming No-one, our favorite baby Stark maintained her full, perfectly groomed and shaped brows even while scrubbing corpses in a marble house full of poisoned water and scary girls who slap her for questionable reasons. That kind of dedication ensures her the second-place ranking in the Game of Brows.
1. Daenerys Targaryen: Wheel-breaking brows.
It’s undeniable: Our Khaleesi, Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons, also has the most perfect eyebrows in Westeros. Long, full and straight, with the most amazing ash-grey tint to compliment her platinum hair, Dany’s brow game straight-up slays. Nobody else in the Seven Kingdoms can even come close to her follicular majesty. We are proud to crown her the ultimate winner in the Game of Brows, and honor her ascension to the Iron Brow Throne.