Ah, May. The sun’s out, the birds are chirping and—oh, wait—it’s almost time to break out the bikini that’s been hiding out in your dresser drawer for the past eight months. If you’re anything like us, you’re emerging from a pretty miserable winter and the last thing on your mind was strutting around half-naked in hot weather—an oversight you may be starting to regret. Here, 11 stages every girl goes through when realizing that it’s time to prepare for bikini season.
1. You check your calendar and realize that (ugh) it’s almost that time: bikini season.
2. You look down in panic realizing you’re definitely not, um, ready.
3. Naturally, you consult your BFF (aka Google), and feverishly start typing in terms like “how to lose 20 pounds in a week” “Victoria’s Secret Angels diet tips,” and “cleanses I only need to do for one day that really work.”
4. After realizing that there’s no juice on earth that’ll make you drop 10 pounds by next weekend, you grab your things and decide to set out for the gym.
5. You sign up for a membership (without doing any price-shopping) and you’re feeling good. Let’s do this.
6. You have no idea how to use any of the equipment, so you spent spend serious time—35 whole minutes—walking on the treadmill.
7. You step on the scale and see you’re down .1 lbs. Annoying.
8. You decide that you’ll really need to start eating healthy too, so you vow to cut out out every carb known to man (except for an occasional glass of wine, of course—it’s summer.)
9. You hit the the supermarket hard and buy pretty much nothing but kale. Kale smoothies for breakfast, kale salads for lunch, and kale you’ll-figure-it-out for dinner.
10. A week later, you’ve only been to the gym once, and the site of kale makes you slightly nauseous.
11. You finally try on that bikini and realize—you know what?—being obsessed with looking good in something you’ll only wear a few times is silly, and resume a life of carbs.