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PSA: Just because celebrities are beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean we should heed their beauty advice. It’s always good to keep in mind that their perfect complexions, glossy hair, and fit frames have more to do with good genes and great professional assistance rather than using urine as toner or steaming their vaginas. Just saying.
Certain stars in particular have had some truly absurd things to say about how they keep their skin, hair, and bodies on point, and while we want to believe that these “beauty secrets” actually are the tickets to a wrinkle-free face and everlasting youth, we’re probably not going to start looking like Demi Moore just because we put leeches on our face. Nor would we want to, because these “tips” (we use that term very loosely) are straight up bad.
Gwyneth Paltrow: Vaginal steaming, “threading facelifts.”
Repeat offender GOOP is basically the queen of ill-advised beauty decisions. Her most recent recommendation of a new antiaging treatment known as threading was widely criticized, given that the practice of inserting a tiny barbed thread beneath the skin and pulling it upward to create lift is likely a terrible idea. Vaginal steaming seems tame by comparison—maybe we could use a cleaner uterus after all.
Any and all Kardashian-Jenners: Waist trainers.
Khloe, Kim, Kourtney, and Kylie are all well-documented fans of using constrictive waist training apparatuses to whittle their midsections. There’s a reason we haven’t worn corsets since the Victorian era: Not only do they squish your organs, but they have no real long-term effect on your body fat or your figure. Sorry, guys.
Jessica Simpson: Drinking cow urine.
Nope, nope, nope. In her short-lived show, Jessica Simpson’s The Price of Beauty, Simpson regaled us with a tale of drinking cow urine in Mumbai: “It detoxes you, and it’s good for your skin,” she said at the time. “I puked that up, like, all over the place.”
Alessandra Ambrosio: Velaterapia, or cutting your hair with the flame of a candle.
Using a flame to burn off split ends has reportedly been popular in Brazil since the ’60s—and we’ll admit, Ambrosio has pretty fantastic hair. Still, that does not mean you should attempt the trend at home; in fact, you should probably avoid it at all costs. Hairstylist Matt Fugate of Sally Hershberger Salon told Harper’s Bazaar, “This is the worst idea ever.”
Sandra Bullock: Using Preparation H cream under your eyes.
This “trick,” which Bullock is said to have learned on the set of Miss Congeniality, employs the vasoconstriction properties of the butt cream, which also happens to be oil-based, comedogenic, and frequently irritating to sensitive skin. Let’s put it this way: It’s not something you want near your eyes.
Demi Moore: Leech “detox therapy.”
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Demi Moore looks incredible. That said, she probably doesn’t have her blood-sucking-leech habit to thank for that—seems more like a genetics thing. Way back in 2008, the actress told David Letterman that she used “highly trained medical leeches” to “detoxify [her] blood” in “some woman’s house, lying on her bed.” The whole thing sounds like bad news to us.
Victoria Beckham: The Geisha Facial, aka the bird poop facial, aka uguisu no fun.
Nightingale droppings are mixed with rice bran and water, then applied as a face mask in a treatment that’s said to leave skin with a “healthy shine.” There’s an enzyme in the excrement that breaks down the dead skin on the face to gently exfoliate. David allegedly gets in on the fun too.
Snooki: Kitty litter as an exfoliator.
We can think of very few beauty lessons we’ve ever learned from Snooki (except, of course, how not to wear makeup), but we’re especially against the idea of using clean cat litter as a facial scrub. Snooks told Conan O’Brien on live television that that’s exactly what she uses to keep her skin radiant. For the record, the harsh particles in the litter are just awful for your skin.
Vanessa Williams: DIY urine facial.
The former Miss America told OK! that she was once told to use her own “morning urine”—so, like, the first pee of the day?—to treat her acne. She did it, but only once. “It was years ago, so now I’ve got Proactiv, and I don’t need to do that,” she explained. No, she doesn’t.
Lady Gaga: Facelift tape.
“It’s sort of a meditation for me,” Gaga says of her morning ritual of putting her wig cap on and taping her face, because of course. She uses strong adhesive facelift tape each day to manipulate her features and make her skin look tighter, which we imagine must be deeply, deeply uncomfortable.