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Knowing what the bad dating habits by zodiac sign are will save you some time in determining how your date is going to most likely disappoint you. Look: School didn’t teach us how to date. It taught us the quadratic formula and how to read way too much into books that dead white guys wrote about their own existential dread—but nothing about how to do your taxes and how to spot a neon red flag from a mile away in dating prospects.
We’re all figuring it out—this dating thing. And, okay, nobody is perfect (except me), but nobody is perfect at dating, especially. It requires emotional maturity (a hot commodity these days), a sense of self awareness and a healthy dose of empathy. And while not all flaws are truly awful (everyone is terrible in their own charming way), astrology can, once again, give us important insight into who is most likely to require an audience and applause to do absolutely anything (hello, hi) and who is mostly likely to prefer slowly peeling off their entire fingernails over partaking in social gatherings—you know, “red flags.”
And speaking of red flags, I believe it’s best to go into a date with an open mind and a non-negotiable list of things that you won’t tolerate. Things such as not dating someone who smokes, if that really bothers you. Or, if you’re me, no DJs or anyone named Matt. (I have my reasons.) Not only will being honest with yourself about what you can and cannot tolerate prove to be beneficial to your dating life, but also accepting that no one will ever completely live up to your expectations is freeing.
It’s not about lowering your standards, but rather realizing that no singular person is ever going to fulfill every single want and need that you have. That’s why you need friends! To listen to you complain about that same dumb thing over and over again! That’s why you need family! So you have people to disappoint and still love you! “One True Love” is bullshit. I’ve got, like, five, and I don’t sleep with any of them.
So take these dating faux pas for what they are—humans trying their best. Of course, these can translate into red flags, but there are enough articles out there about that. This time, I want us to look at our flaws a little more compassionately. Open your gorgeous brain and try to think empathetically. Then get ready to figure out with just one question—what’s ur sign, bb? ;)—how your date is going to blow your mind with how absolutely absurd people can be.
Each Sign’s Dating Faux Pas:
Aries – The Irish-Exit Aficionado
When Aries is ready to go, there’s no changing their mind nor their deep appreciation and commitment to a seamless exit. Aries’ worst dating habit is their desire to leave without telling anyone, including the person they brought with them. Make sure you always have a back-up ride.
Taurus – The Bad Texter
In person, they’re sweet and interesting, and you may be ready to cuff up for winter. But man, Taurus does NOT give good texts. The good news is they can get better. But if you’re looking for sweet-nothings or something sexy—expect it in person.
Gemini – The Flake
This is (unfortunately) one my signature moves in any and all relationships. Gemini LOVES the idea of going out, getting shit done and thriving socially and emotionally. The good intention is there! The execution, though, can be lacking. Know that plans with Gemini are never really confirmed until you see the whites of their eyes in person.
Cancer – TMI
The best case scenario in dating is that you find common ground, make each other laugh, and that the sexual chemistry is confirmed ;). In an effort to make that happen, Cancer can come on a little strong. You can’t force an deep connection—but Cancer is willing and able to try. They’ll tell you about their hopes, dreams, unresolved issues with their birth father, plans for 2.5 kids, and lusty desire for a farmhouse sink—all on the first date.
Leo – The One-Upper
You know the kid in grade school who always had to be THE MOST BESTEST? Yeah. When dating, Leo can occasionally revert to their most basic mode of one-upping you. It’s definitely one of the faux pas that make me grit my teeth and scan the room for an exit sign, but usually a gentle reminder that “Bro, this isn’t a competition,” can bring them back to conversational homeostasis.
Virgo – The Ex-Obsessed
We all know comparing ourselves to others is a recipe for feeling like barf, so why do we do it with exes and new people? Virgo, especially, can bring up their ex at weird times, making you wonder if they have a spreadsheet with all the relevant details tallied up that they use to compare you to their ex. Know that it can be less of a “I’m still in love with my ex” situation and more of a “this is research I am conducting because I like to research and I’m good at it” thing.
Libra – The One Who Wants a Reflective Surface to Talk At, Not a Date
Libras are a wonderful sign to be in a relationship with. They want an equal partnership and will always treat you well. But the first few dates? Well, Libra likes to talk. About themselves. A lot. It’s how they feel connected and wanted. Know that you may have to interrupt or muscle your way in if you want to get a word in.
Scorpio – The Social Media Stalker
Before the first date, they’ve requested to be your friend/follower on every social media platform you have. Scorpio is intense and loves playing detective. They were born to excel at 21st century dating. Just know that before you even meet in person, they’ve probably scanned through every one of your 487 tagged photos and watched every Instagram story at least twice.
Sagittarius – “Sorry, I’m Already in a Relationship With My Phone, and, Honestly, It’s Getting Pretty Serious”
They walk in, eyes glued to their phone screen. Their mega-thumb scrolling with the dexterity of a scrappy, New York raccoon. The entire date, you feel like you’re locked in a battle with their iPhone for attention. Then finally, you’re able to capture their interest, but the fear in your heart beats with the knowledge that you will always have a third party present.
Capricorn – The Secretive One
When dating, Capricorn can be a little aloof but still friendly, considerate, and have their shit together. They even ask the right questions. But damn, they can be secretive about the weirdest shit. They don’t want to tell you where they work or anything above the general pleasantries exchanged among co-workers by the copy machine. Just know that they take time to open up. Or, they may just work for the CIA—I don’t know.
Aquarius – The Noncommittal Chiller
Going on a date with Aquarius can be one of the most fun and easy-going times you’ll have. They’re easy to talk to, hard to rile up and are great listeners. But if you have any baggage—and trust me, you do (we all do; I’m pretty sure I own an emotional luggage depot in this metaphor)—Aquarius is decidedly NOT down. They don’t like drama, and if they catch any whiff of it, their first instinct is to disengage.
Pisces – The Mask
On the opposite end of the spectrum of love at first sight, you’ve got the masked date, i.e., someone who you can’t read at all. Sure, it’s possible that they like you—but they could also hate you with a fiery passion. But there’s no way of knowing, because they’re sending absolutely zero signals. It’s like being on a date with a sexy brick wall.