Dear What Men Want: I was talking to this guy for a few months and all of a sudden he just disappeared. A little background: we are both married and we have a lot in common, but the only difference is that physically we don’t match up. Everything about us says opposites: he is overweight and hovers around 5’8 and I am thin, 5’10, and considered to be a really beautiful woman (or so I’ve been told). Most people would never picture us as a couple and I don’t even look at him like that. I just thought he was really cool, had a great personality, I enjoyed his company, and I thought he enjoyed mine. Now all of a sudden, he no longer calls me and I am picking my brain trying to remember if I did or said anything wrong. It’s so weird to just drop off the face of the earth with no explanation. What do you think happened with this dude?
Confused and Alone
Dear Confused and Alone: While I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it’s likely that your tiny friend decided to work on his marriage, not a friendship with a “really beautiful woman.” Trust me when I say that your physical appearance and how you looked together had nothing to do with him running away. Your boy Frodo probably started having feelings for you and decided it wasn’t a good idea to go any further with it.
You say that because of the way you look together, most people would never picture you as a couple. I don’t understand why you would bring this up because, um, you’re both married to other people!!!!
More to the point, if you were looking for an intimate friendship outside of your marriage, then clearly something is lacking in your most important relationship. You shouldn’t waste your time wondering why your little Hobbit headed back to the Shire. Rather, you should consider why it upsets you so much. Maybe it’s time to turn your attention inward and work on solidifying your other intimate relationship.
As for what happened to your diminutive pal, there are several possibilities.
He may have started having feelings for you beyond a friendship and decided it wasn’t a good idea to continue it. He was right to do that. Had he gone to you and told you what he was feeling, you would have convinced him to stick around out of fear you’d lose his friendship or more. Running away and making a clean break was the best move for both of you.
His wife may have also found out about the situation and put the clamps down. It’s understandable that a woman would be a bit reticent about having her husband spend time with a “really beautiful woman.”
I have one final piece of advice for you.
The way you mentioned your looks and his makes me believe that you are the one obsessed with the difference, not him or other people. While it’s probably subconscious, try to stop making it such an issue. People will only care about that sort of thing if you draw attention to it.
Ryan Phillips is a 28-year-old freelance journalist. He is the founder of Rumors and Rants, one of the top sports blogs on the internet. He and four friends write much longer, more incoherent posts there.
*email your questions to email@example.com to get the honest advice of real men*