Amy Poehler and Tina Fey: The 12 Best Zingers From Last Night’s Golden Globes

All eyes were on Amy Poehler and Tina Feythe wisecracking hosts of Sunday’s 71st Annual Golden Globes. So, they did they deliver? They certainly did. They made cracks that were quippy and funny, without resorting to cruel, nasty, or belittling humor, which many hosts tend to do. The only complaint that’s been circulating is that they could have used a little more screen time.

Regardless, they had some serious zingers, so read on for their 12 best jokes of the night, plus rewatch a video of their opening monologue below!

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards amy and tina best jokes of the night

Photo: Getty

1. To George Clooney: 
“Gravity is nominated for Best Motion Picture. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”

2. To Jonah Hill:
The Wolf of Wall Street’ is a big nominee tonight. I really loved the film but some of it was too graphic. I mean if I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I’d go to one of Jonah Hill’s pool parties.”

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3. To Leonardo DiCaprio:
“And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”

4. To Joaquin Phoenix
“[‘Her’] takes place in the not-so-distant future, which is perfect, because so does Joaquin Phoenix.

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5. To this year’s hard-to-say names:
“Congratulations to all the wonderful actors nominated tonight, from the amazing Chiwetel Ejiofer, to the stunning Lupita Nyong’o, to American treasure Tam Honks. …Damnit, I knew I was going to screw that up.”[Camera pans to Tom Hanks]

6. To actresses in general:
Matthew McConaughey did amazing work this year. For his role in ‘Dallas Buyers Club,’ he lost 45 pounds, or what actresses call being in a movie.”

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7. To Martin Scorsese:
We’ll get this show done in 3 hours—or, as Martin Scorsese calls it, Act I.”

8. To Meryl Streep:
Meryl Streep was so brilliant in ‘August: Osage County,’ proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60.”

9. To Tom Hanks:
“A number of big movies used prosthetic genitals this year. ‘Blue Is the Warmest Color,’ ‘The Wolf of Wall Street,’ ‘Saving Mr Banks.’ Yes, a lot of people don’t know Tom Hanks was wearing one the entire time. He’s wearing one right now actually, he’s really enjoying it. He’s so happy about it!”

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10. To Matt Damon:
“Matt Damon is here for ‘Behind the Candelabra’. Matt, on any other night, in any other room, you’d be a big deal. But tonight, and don’t take this the wrong way, you’re basically a garbage person.”

11. To the Somali Pirates from “Captain Phillips”:
“The Black List is who is invited to my room tonight. Taking to you, Somali pirates. ‘I am the captain now.'”

12. Amy, on herself:
“Masters of Sex” is the degree I got from Boston College.”

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