Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have officially been married for one whole year. It’s a big achievement, folks–over five times as long as the last time Kim was married, and 351 times as long as Kanye’s most verbose Twitter rant to date.
For those of you not getting an alert to your phone every time Kim and Kanye get snapped by the paparazzi, here’s a timeline on these two’s first year in marriage. Naked magazine shoots, partying in Ibiza with supermodels, more honeymoons than we can possibly count–Kim and Kanye really are just like us!
Kim and Kanye get married in a self-described “super small” wedding spanning two countries with a guest-list that reads like it was ripped from a Vogue index–Carine Roitfeld, Alexander Wang, La La Anthony, John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, André Leon Talley, Joe Francis, Tyga, and Jaden Smith (wearing a Batman costume), all make an appearance at some point.
The festivities begin at Valentino’s humble 17th century château outside of Paris for a brunch, followed by a dinner at Versailles where Kim and Kanye are serenaded by Lana Del Rey, followed by the actual wedding ceremony in Florence at a 16th century fort where Andrea Bocelli serenades Kim as she walks down the aisle surrounded by hundreds of thousands of dollars of flowers, golden porta potties, and headless Carrara marble nude statues.
For their honeymoon they hole up in an Irish castle and work on perfecting a photo from their wedding to post on Instagram. For four days.
As Kanye explains, this is really just a totally normal thing to do if you’re Kim and Kanye: “Let me tell you something about that kiss photo that my girl put up…this was pissing my girl off during the honeymoon, she was exhausted because we worked on the photo so much because Annie Leibovitz pulled out right before the wedding. I think that she was, like, scared of the idea of celebrity…Because Annie pulled out, I was like, ‘Okay, I still want my wedding photos to look like Annie Leibovitz,’ and we sat there and worked on that photo for, like, four days because the flowers were off-color.” Damn that Annie Leibovitz.
This is what the first month of marriage looks like for Kim and Kanye: Because one honeymoon isn’t not enough, the pair go on a second where Kim seemingly spends most of the time taking selfies of her stomach. Kanye performs at Bonnaroo, while Kim cheers him on in a see-through mesh top. By then, likely feeling the post-wedding blues many couples go through, the duo throw their one-year-old a birthday party dubbed “Kidchella” complete with multiple music stages, face-painting, hair-braiding, and a ferris wheel.
It’s a busy month for KimYe! While Kanye performs at several shows around the globe, Kim works on honing her fashion social standing, sitting front row at the Valentino Haute Couture show, and hanging out with Olivier Rousteing‘s girl group–making sure she tells her over 30 million Instagram followers she’s in the Balmain army now, so watch out.
Exhausted–sitting at couture shows will do that to you–the couple cap off the month unwinding at “Girl’s Gone Wild” head honcho Joe Francis‘ Mexico mansion.
Just a quiet end of summer for Kim and Kanye! The two head to Ibiza for Givenchy Creative Director Riccardo Tisci’s 40th birthday, posing alongside the likes of a bikini-clad Kate Moss, Justin Bieber, and Naomi Campbell. This leads the entire world to curl up in the fetal position with a major case of FOMO.
That same month, Kim introduces the world to waist training, wears at least a half-dozen gravity defying outfits, and then the pair finish off the month with yet another trip to Mexico. We can’t emphasize this enough: Being KimYe is hard work.
Kim is GQ’s “Woman of the Year,” people! She wears a latex and sheer gown to pick up her award with Kanye by her side. Later that month Kim and Kanye do Paris Fashion Week–showing up front-row at Givenchy and Balmain together. Ah, the couple that front row-s together, stays together–stay tuned for the self-help book with that exact title coming to a book store near you.
Kim celebrates her 34th birthday in a plunging white dress at Tao in Las Vegas alongside Kanye (club appearance: ka-ching!) That same month, the two share a date at the World Series (in the same stadium where Kanye proposed). Oh, and the couple have a private meeting with President Obama. NBD.
A few things that Kim and Kanye accomplish in November: They celebrate Kendall Jenner’s birthday alongside Cara Delevingne, wear matching Balmain jackets on a date, and urge people to vote in the midterm elections. Kim Instagrams: “Standing w Obama in the midterm election.” Kimmy, Obama isn’t up for re-election, but A for effort. Oh, and Kim appears on a barely-seen Paper magazine cover showing off her shiny naked ass—that’s able to balance a champagne glass! Breaking the Internet isn’t easy.
It was a very merry December for KimYe. The two are named the faces of Balmain’s Spring 2015 ad campaign posing on the hood of cars and making out. Just like any parents, the two take baby North to see Disney on ice. Kanye, ever the doting dad, leaves in the middle. And, to finish off the most festive month of the year, the two have North meet Saint Nick for the first time. “North is still warming up to Santa,” Kim writes on Instagram.
Kim and Kanye go skiing–matching outfits are naturally involved–and then Kanye decides it would be a killer idea to take photos of Kim traipsing around the snow in a fur bikini and fur boots. World subsequently questions the ability of Kim to make life choices, while wondering if they could pull off a fur bikini.
What do double dates look like if you’re Kim and Kanye? They’re spent at the Waffle House with John Legend and Chrissy Tiegen–duh. Besides that, the two take North to the zoo (both parents wear leather pants for the occasion), Kim finds herself naked in a magazine again, this time in Love, and Kanye puts his girl to work distributing his upcoming sneaker collaboration with Adidas to friends and family. “Yeezy put me in charge of the fam distribution #YeezyBoost #AdidasOriginals #ThisFirstRunIsAsizeTooBig #WifeLife #WifeGotThatWork,” Kim writes on Instagram.
After attending the Grammys (or as Kim dubs it on Instagram “#WifeLife”), the pair head to New York Fashion Week for Kanye’s big debut for Adidas. Kim sits front row beside Beyoncé and Anna Wintour, while holding daughter North, who cries through most of the presentation.
Then, for a family outing, the trio head to Alexander Wang’s Fashion Week show in matching custom getups. Later that week Kanye gets to meet his idol Ralph Lauren (which actually makes him smile), before going on a Twitter rant about how hard it is to be a celebrity designer these days. In his words: “Fame is often looked down upon in the design world, so it’s actually been something I had to overcome.” Le sigh.
At the end of the month, Kanye gets his late mom’s birthday and North’s birthday tattooed on his arm in Roman numerals in the middle of the night, while Kim looks on. Kim reportedly talks him out of getting his face tattooed.
The Boston Marathon bomber trial begins, Hillary Clinton publicly addresses her use of a personal email account while Secretary of State and—most importantly—Kim goes platinum blonde! That same month, she hits the milestone of 30 million Twitter followers, and Kanye congratulates his number one lady as any husband would, posting naked photos of his wife on Twitter, captioning one “I’m so lucky.”
Kim and Kanye go to Armenia–and gasp–fly coach. In case you’ve forgotten, Kim’s part Armenian and has plenty of #ArmenianPride. While there they visit a monastery, meet with the Prime Minister, and Kanye performs, because goddamnit, he hasn’t been getting all the attention on the trip.
That same month, both are named one of Time magazine’s “People of the Year.” After the gala honoring them they recover from Amy Schumer’s prank by going to dinner with Elon Musk and Hosain Rahman.
It’s Kim’s third time at the Met Gala (she has Kanye to thank for that) and she shows up at the party of the year in a Roberto Cavalli dress that basically screams deja vu to pretty much everyone. Still, she’s half-naked in it, and makes Vogue’s Best Dressed List, so … win?
Later that month, poor Kim ends up in São Paulo, Brazil without Kanye and North on Mother’s Day. Never fear: Kanye covers Kim’s hotel suite with thousands of roses. Aw. At dinner that night, he also has a string quartet play her Sam Smith songs.
To celebrate their one-year anniversary, Kim posts 31 photos of their wedding to Instagram, the piece de resistance being one of the two licking each other. Just lovely.
See guys, a year can go by just like that when you’re two crazy kids in love. Cheers to another 365 days of wedded bliss, and remember—surviving the first year is the hardest.