No matter who you are, where you live, or if you’re in Loubs or Converse, you have a specific type when it come to guys. Some girls obsess over trust funds and Brooks Brothers suits, while others lust after New York Times crossword puzzles and deep-rooted interest in NPR. I whole-heartedly, Girl-Scouts-Honor-admit to my type: slim-hipped, lanky, hair-in-eyes, PBR-in-pocket, and a guitar surgically attached to his muscular, tatted-up forearms. Sigh… not something I’m particularly proud of. My fixation is a sexy disease that’s usually accompanied by a lack of ambition, lack of job, and lack of shampoo, give or take a drug habit and Mommy issues.
Such an addiction (which my mom hopes I grow out of) caused me to stumble upon Betterthanthevan.com, a dangerous website that lets band boy junkies like me open their apartment/floor/*cough*futon to bands on tour. You know what they say…if you can’t go to the rock show, let the rock show come to you. Most likely said bands are more the “we’re totally playing this sick gig at Target, dude” type than of the “…and then Kim Gordon totally asked me to teach her something” genre, but a girl’s gotta have a few trashtastic fantasies in her closet, no?
Therefore, I started to imagine what it would be like if you could request specific bands to trash your studios and eat all your Golden Grahams. Here’s my Dream Band Roomie List:
The Virgins- Haven’t you ever wanted to truly live “One Week of Danger?” I have.
The Dead Weather- Because it’s basically like having The White Stripes and The Kills at the same time, and maybe you can steal Alison Mosshart’s sick leather jackets. Plus I think she’d be totally cool with me making out with a band member or two.
Cobra Starship- Based solely on the hot Katy Perry cover they did (I Kissed a Boy).
Animal Collective- I have the feeling they live the true rockstar lifestyle, and I’d love to watch the Animals in their natural habitat.
MGMT- For completely obvious and self-serving reasons. Eye candy, and I don’t care. Shirts not optional.
That’s my list, but what’s yours? Can you picture John Mayer making you eggs in the morning, or Travis from The Gym Class Heroes hogging the remote? John Legend taking way too long in the bathroom? Should I maybe consult my psychiatrist? Join a Band Boy-Anon group? Or just head to Wall Street for a good old fashioned detox?