Valentine’s Day Flowers: A Boy’s Guide

Janice
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In my opinion, Valentine’s Day is a boy’s romance death trap. You’re trapped in this purgatory of going over the top and not doing enough. But then to make matters even more WTF?, your girlfriend is giving you these sympathetic eyes and sighing, “Oh no, really I don’t want anything.” LIES. Especially if your girlfriend or wife insists on no gifts, get her flowers. Which flowers should you pick when you know nothing about flowers? Here’s a guide on what your flowers are saying to your lady baby…

Red Roses

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Sure, red roses are cliche but you can argue that it’s a classic Valentine’s Day staple. However, check to make sure the roses are in good health, not wilting and opt for darker roses instead of the bright, bright red roses. Ask the florist to cut off the thorns.

Carnations with Baby’s Breath

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Are you serious with this shit? Is this a 1970s hippie backyard barbecue wedding? It’s better to show up empty handed than with this crap. Don’t get your female significant other carnations. Just don’t.

Lilies

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Be extra careful when handling lilies; their pollen stains anything and everything it touches. They are very pretty but the white traditional Madonna and Japanese lilies are also commonly found in hospital gift stores not very romantic flowers. Alas, opt for colorful lilies in orange and red.

Daisies

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Daisies are cute and good if you just started seeing someone. They’re a very unassuming flower. When purchasing daisies, go for the classic white instead of the electric blue or neon green dyed ones you buy at the deli.

An exotic arrangement

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If you’re sending flowers to a long distance girlfriend or to her stuffier workplace, an exotic floral arrangement from the florist or 1-800-FLOWERS will be a unique surprise. Arrangements are great if you’re not going to bring flowers with you on the date (because they’re cumbersome or you’re meeting at the bar or what have you) or if you’re not sure what kind of flowers you should get.

Sunflowers

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Sunflowers are a slippery slope. Some women think they’re bright and friendly looking. Other women find them to be creepy and think the sunflower is watching them as they walk across the room. Drop a few hints around your girlfriend before stocking the bedroom with them.

Tulips and Irises

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Soft and sprightly for spring, tulips and irises are the kind of sweet flowers you put in a breakfast nook to brighten up a room. These flowers are probably more suited for your mom/aunt/sister’s Valentine’s day gift.

All photos: courtesy of 1-800-Flowers.com

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