“We can still be friends” is a fairly common sentence tossed around during a breakup. It’s the kind of comment that makes the receiving party want to scream, “who are you kidding buddy?” Want is the operative word here, because the response is usually more along the lines of, “of course we can remain friends.” Sure, you can try to co-exist in the same social group, go to the same parties and politely pretend that you’re both ok with the current situation. But let’s face it, you’d both be lying to yourselves.
The reality is, staying friends with your ex is the exception, not the rule. In most cases, friends are lost, geographic battle lines are drawn and you have to go your separate ways for the sanity of both parties involved. Yes, there are some valid arguments on the pro side, but unless enough time has passed and both of you are truly, 100 percent over one another which is almost never the case (Demi and Bruce don’t count) then your newfound friendship will inevitably be short-lived. Read on for five reasons that being friends with the ex is almost always doomed for failure. If you have counter arguments for any of my points, then be sure to let me know in the comments!
1. You risk “hooking up” again
Just because you didn’t make it as a couple doesn’t mean that the physical chemistry automatically disappears when you breakup. Chances are that the relationship didn’t end because of the sex. In fact, that could’ve been the only good part of your relationship, making it easy for you to justify hooking up one last time. But that one time can easily turn into two, which can easily turn into a pattern that you promised yourself not to fall back into.
2. How can you move on if you’re constantly seeing someone?
The saying goes ‘outta sight, outta mind’ for a reason. There’s usually one person that comes out of a breakup more damaged than the other. So while you may think you’re strong enough to “get over him/her,” it becomes virtually impossible when you constantly have to see your ex. Just when you’re making progress, you see him and you’re throw 10 steps back.
3. You’re putting your friends in an awkward position
You may think you’re doing your mutual friends a favor by not making them choose sides, but you’re really just making things uncomfortable for everyone. It’s naive to think that you will all just continue to be friends forever. Realistically, you both know which friends will side with you and which will side with him/her when push comes to shove. So just face that fact and make life easier on everyone else now.
4. It’s only a matter of time before the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head
At 23, I still get a slight pang of jealousy when I see my 7th grade boyfriend with a new girlfriend on facebook. I’m not ashamed to admit it I’m human! So, can you imagine how jealous you’d be if your recent ex showed up to the party with a date, or even worse, if they left the party with some random?
5. It’s really just a fake breakup
If you’re still seeing one another on a regular basis and your social settings haven’t changed, then what has really changed? Sure, you aren’t necessarily having sleepovers anymore, but sex isn’t the only component of a relationship. You won’t be able to break the emotional connection if you’re still interacting on an emotional level hence, a fake breakup!