Online Dating Sites: How to Decode His Profile

Michelle

As online dating becomes a more popular method for seeking out a significant other, it’s becoming more important than ever to be able to intuitively read an online profile–as silly as it sounds. Job employers are certainly doing it, so why shouldn’t you? While every person is looking for something different, and people may not always be what they seem, there are some pretty obvious ways to tell if a person is worth your time. Here are a few helpful hints in decoding the real guy behind the online profile.

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His Pictures:

Let’s all take a moment of honesty–(unless you’re Mother Theresa) no matter how great a guy’s written profile sounds, you’re not gonna go on the date if you don’t like what you see. After all, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, and we couldn’t agree more. Here’s what you can infer if…

He posts pictures of himself in suggestive poses or with minimal clothing: There are really only two answers in this situation. The guy you are dealing with is either a) really into himself and thinks he’s hot shit (and wants you to know it), or b) he’s severely insecure and thinks posting practically naked pictures is his only chance of scoring a date. And do you really want to deal with either of those types? We think not.

He posts pictures of himself taken with his outstretched hand or with his computer’s camera: It’s one thing if he’s hiking Mt. Everest by himself and wants to document the once-in-a-lifetime moment with an outstretched hand. It’s quite another if he sneakily attempts to pretend that a friend took a “sexy picture” of him when he actually did. And taking his own “black and white” and “sepia toned” photos from his computer? Weak! If he has any friends at all, he’d either have pictures with them or could ask them to take a few shots that won’t cut off half his head.

All his pictures are with other women: Ok, so maybe he has a super tight-knit family and he’s the only male with five sisters. We guess it’s possible…but every guy should have their fair share of man friends too, no? Well, unless you’re Paul Rudd in I Love You Man.

He has no pictures at all: With so many employers searching for people online, it’s extremely important to be careful about what information you’re putting on the web. And someone with a high-profile career may be extremely wary of this–so if he sounds great, but doesn’t have a picture, don’t eliminate him from the running altogether. Chances are he’ll be more than willing to send you one privately.

Note: One more thing–just beware of the sunglasses; people always use it to hide something they’re insecure about.

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Text:

While you have to be careful of fakers out in the online dating world, if a guy is being honest, you can tell a lot about him by what he reveals on his profile. Is he funny, boring, or genuine? And more importantly, does he even speak English? How to decode a guy’s text portion of his profile if…

His username or screenname incorporates inappropriate terminology: If a guy uses a sexual innuendo or something involving alcohol or drugs in his screenname, run. If he couldn’t think of anything better than “ridemebaby” or “ginandtonic” to describe himself in one word, chances are he won’t be able to bring the conversation anywhere deeper (unless it involves his sexual escapades or throwing back tequila shots in Mexico).

He has a very limited amount of information posted: Guys who don’t bother writing much on their profile probably are not taking online dating seriously or aren’t mature enough to talk intelligently about themselves. A guy who knows what he wants and who is looking for a relationship will put in the time and effort to create a decent profile.

He claims that he “lives life to the fullest”: This is probably the most cliché thing that anyone can say on their online profile, so beware of types who make this claim. Not only does it not really tell you anything about the person, but it means he’s probably trying to make himself sound more appealing than he actually is.

He tells a sob story about his last breakup: One word: baggage. This guy is clearly on the rebound from his last breakup and needs a therapist way more than he needs to be signed on to match.com. Even if everything else about him sounds attractive, chances are he won’t be ready to get serious, so it will be a waste of your time.

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