Guys, we’ve heard it time and time again and we get it — you hate the trends that girls fall for. You can’t stand our oversized sunglasses, you despise that we wear spandex as pants, and you detest how we insist on adding a belt to everything. Well, since we’re all being honest, we’re finally ready to issue a rebuttal, because guess what — we’re not exactly in love with the stuff you wear, either.
You laugh at us for spending hours combing the racks for the trendiest pieces (which you later tell us look like costumes), but we too joke endlessly with our girlfriends about the silly things you put on. From your cargo shorts and bad leather shoes, it’s time for a wardrobe overhaul, gentlemen.
Here is our list of eight men’s fashion trends we just can’t stand.
1. Graphic Tees (pictured above)
We get it — you heart party girls. From trite phrases to tacky screenprints, wearing these ridiculous tees might be one of the easiest fashion crimes that men fall victim to. Rule of thumb: if you’re too embarassed to say something out loud, then you probably shouldn’t broadcast it on your chest. In the spirit of world peace, we’re willing to make a deal: If you ditch the graphic tees, we’ll trade in our Uggs.
When we started wearing cropped pants years ago, you guys kept the “When’s the flood coming?” jokes rolling. But, oh, how the tides have turned. Sadly, these pants simply don’t work for men. The time has come, gentlemen, to make a decision: pants or shorts. Manpris are not much longer than good old-fashioned shorts, so it’s not like they’re keeping you any warmer. And PS — just because Tom Brady wore them doesn’t make them okay.
3. Cargo Shorts/ Pants/ Manpris
We have to ask, why do you need so many pockets? It’s not like you’re toting around makeup compacts and eight tubes of lip gloss. Cargo shorts were acceptable when you were dodging opponents in Capture the Flag at camp back in the summer of ’95, but unless you’re planning to join Bear Grylls on one of his Man vs. Wild expeditions, we’re going to need you to bury these in the back of your closet.
4. The “Going Out” Shirt
Guys, we understand that it’s tough to dress for a night out. Clubs have dress codes and bars get super hot. We appreciate your efforts to spice up the boring pants/shirt combo, but we have to address the “going out” shirt. Don’t be coy — you know exactly what we’re talking about. Those thin-fitted button downs (the ones you stop buttoning mid-chest) that hang neatly in your closet — well, we can spot the awful vertical stripe patterns and wacky prints from the other end of the bar. Don’t untuck it. And pretty pretty please — we’re begging you — don’t pop the collar. It just makes bad look worse.
Now this is tricky. We’re all about warmth, especially in the dead of winter, so we fully support men who accessorize their outerwear with a nice scarf to keep them from getting frostbite. However, we draw the line there. Politics aside, the keffiyeh was one of the most overworn pieces of 2009 (see: Kanye West, Chris Brown). Sure, it came in every color combo possible and “worked” for every season, but its shelf life has expired. After all those months of being covered, give your neck some breathing room.
6. Bad Leather Shoes
They say you can’t judge another man unless you’ve walked in his shoes. Well, if these are your shoes, you can be rest assured we won’t be walking in them anytime soon (and unfortunately, we’re going to judge anyway). A lot of guys don’t pay attention to their footwear (unless they’re talking classic Nikes), but women are shoe people. We notice (and cringe at) the bad stitching, weird patterns, and pointy toes, and we long for the day that you’ll ask us to direct you to a more fabulous pair. Sorry guys, but this one’s a dealbreaker.
7. The Deep-V
Here’s the thing. Technically speaking, there’s nothing we hate about the deep-V tee — it’s about as basic as it gets. But every hipster from Williamsburg to Venice Beach donned the deep-V this year, and frankly, we’re just tired of looking at your chest hair through the plunging neckline. They might be unisex, but leave this one for the girls.
8. Clipping your cell phone to your belt
Whatever it is that you’re doing — stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. We appreciate the convenience factor, but let’s be serious — there’s a reason cell phone carriers give away the belt clips for free when you purchase a new phone. Either invest in a jacket with deeper pockets or start carrying a messenger bag with you to work. Belts are there to hold up your pants, not your tech gadgets.
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